Difficuly withthe word "unmanagable"
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
For me, I totally knew I was powerless over alcohol and I would have laughed about it and have someone pour me some more wine.
The unmanageable I didn't get initially. It came in mini epiphanies along the way... things like, not a lot of money for groceries, but definitely money for a couple bottles of wine. Sitting on the porch drinking on the weekends because I was choosing wine over my chores, exercise, cooking, my family, etc. Waking up and absolutely hating life and having nothing to look forward to. I still have flashes of the unmanageability and I really hope that they never stop. I need the reminder.
Keep looking at old behaviours and it will become clearer and clearer.
The unmanageable I didn't get initially. It came in mini epiphanies along the way... things like, not a lot of money for groceries, but definitely money for a couple bottles of wine. Sitting on the porch drinking on the weekends because I was choosing wine over my chores, exercise, cooking, my family, etc. Waking up and absolutely hating life and having nothing to look forward to. I still have flashes of the unmanageability and I really hope that they never stop. I need the reminder.
Keep looking at old behaviours and it will become clearer and clearer.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yeah.... I had an issue with "unmanageable" too. For quite a long while I rebelled in my head against that with any number of rationale observations like having a long-standing successful career, being a good father, a respected member of community, ample friends.... whatever.
When I began working through a first-step workbook which took me through a dozen or so pages of specific questions about my relationship with alcohol, specific questions that made me really honestly think about, look at and DOCUMENT my life's path with booze from the age of 14; I began to see it differently.
Rather than see the rationale for why my life was 'manageable' - I began to see the clear and glaring ways that alcohol had helped infuse my life with turbulence, trouble and negativity. Was I "managing" through all of that? Well, I suppose. I was managing to hold down a career. I 'managed' through a divorce and a couple DUIs and uncountable tales of blackout drinking and financial waste....
I began to see that behind the veil of what I was "managing" was the story of "how much BETTER my life could have been, had I been actually managing things WELL".
There's a difference. In my case, it was a pretty big difference.
Now, at 41 and almost 6 months sobriety I am beginning to see how this change of perspective is already starting to make my life better. I'm convinced that life will become more and more manageable than I really ever understood it could be. I have a lot of habitual thinking and acting to correct and evolve. That will take time and continued sober effort; but I 'Get it' now.
"unmanageable" is a relative term. It doesn't have to mean "I lost it all" or that at every turn your life is falling apart.... It can also simply refer to the huge difference between your life with the burden of alcohol and all that it can be when freed from that weight.
I don't consider myself "an AA"... in fact I haven't gone to a meeting in quite some time. Though as my 6 month mark approaches I am feeling the call to get back to the tables a bit, and am looking forward to attending some meetings at the hospital that require 6 months - as a means of working with others who are in a darker place than I and offering some help and hope while also deriving some strength from them to help keep my own sobriety strong.
What I do consider myself is a person who has embraced sobriety, sees the joy and the positivity it brings to life as compared to a life including problem drinking, and who sees value in the AA program. I take what I can, I let the things I don't identify with go, yet I keep an open mind even to those because in my own experience there have been many things I originally bristled at in AA that later came to serve as pillars for me.
When I began working through a first-step workbook which took me through a dozen or so pages of specific questions about my relationship with alcohol, specific questions that made me really honestly think about, look at and DOCUMENT my life's path with booze from the age of 14; I began to see it differently.
Rather than see the rationale for why my life was 'manageable' - I began to see the clear and glaring ways that alcohol had helped infuse my life with turbulence, trouble and negativity. Was I "managing" through all of that? Well, I suppose. I was managing to hold down a career. I 'managed' through a divorce and a couple DUIs and uncountable tales of blackout drinking and financial waste....
I began to see that behind the veil of what I was "managing" was the story of "how much BETTER my life could have been, had I been actually managing things WELL".
There's a difference. In my case, it was a pretty big difference.
Now, at 41 and almost 6 months sobriety I am beginning to see how this change of perspective is already starting to make my life better. I'm convinced that life will become more and more manageable than I really ever understood it could be. I have a lot of habitual thinking and acting to correct and evolve. That will take time and continued sober effort; but I 'Get it' now.
"unmanageable" is a relative term. It doesn't have to mean "I lost it all" or that at every turn your life is falling apart.... It can also simply refer to the huge difference between your life with the burden of alcohol and all that it can be when freed from that weight.
I don't consider myself "an AA"... in fact I haven't gone to a meeting in quite some time. Though as my 6 month mark approaches I am feeling the call to get back to the tables a bit, and am looking forward to attending some meetings at the hospital that require 6 months - as a means of working with others who are in a darker place than I and offering some help and hope while also deriving some strength from them to help keep my own sobriety strong.
What I do consider myself is a person who has embraced sobriety, sees the joy and the positivity it brings to life as compared to a life including problem drinking, and who sees value in the AA program. I take what I can, I let the things I don't identify with go, yet I keep an open mind even to those because in my own experience there have been many things I originally bristled at in AA that later came to serve as pillars for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
ahhhh yes, I was always *too* broke to buy certain food...but hey! yup I got $30-40 for wine...no problemos!
*smacks forehead*
exercise? (which I do enjoy when not on a bender or hungover for 4 days)...oh you mean walking to the wine shop and taking the stairs doesn't count? oh poo
*smacks forehead*
exercise? (which I do enjoy when not on a bender or hungover for 4 days)...oh you mean walking to the wine shop and taking the stairs doesn't count? oh poo
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 132
When I first got sober, my sponsor had me underline words, write definitions. For many people that was a good way. I seemed to keep getting caught up on words, various definitions over and over.
Sponsor said I was making it too hard and being rebellious. I found different 12 step literature that the words were easier to understand and used the NA workbook, I think the language was just hard for me to understand.
My brain get's wrapped up around words.
Sponsor said I was making it too hard and being rebellious. I found different 12 step literature that the words were easier to understand and used the NA workbook, I think the language was just hard for me to understand.
My brain get's wrapped up around words.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 3
Day 1
Well, it's day one for me (a little hungover). But it's been a week of heavy drinking after years of heavy every-other-day and time to really look at moving on. I just read the post about life being unmanageable. I've managed but barely. I'm a 'functional alcoholic'. I go to work and cook dinner, etc. But it really has just been functioning. I also ready about step one and if I can 'make a choice'. I think I can but we shall see....
Any advice would be much appreciated!
Any advice would be much appreciated!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
There are many people in AA that believe these steps have to be done perfectly, in order, and exactly as written in the book. I can understand that as it it keeps it simple, and well, it works. There's no denying that.
That wasn't however my experience, and believe there's a lot more room within each step than some people might think.
When I first got sober the only step that made any sense to me was the 3rd. So I worked it as best I possibly could, and it worked. I believe with all my heart and soul that my life and will has been expertly taken care of by a power much greater than myself. Didn't mean I did or do things perfectly, didn't mean things never got ugly, but it meant that I learned from every mistake I made along the way. And it meant that I never picked up a drink after that first day of recovery. I had also accepted that if it were gods will for me TO drink, I'd even roll with that. Thankfully that was never the case.
Anyhow... The first step I couldn't grasp. Unlike you however, my life was COMPLETELY unmanageable. Alcohol however was the only thing I felt helped keep the pieces of my mind a little bit together, so I couldn't admit or believe I was powerless over it. I heard many people say we MUST do this step perfectly, or we WILL drink, but honesty was a part of my program and I couldn't lie. I didn't believe I was powerless, and I even kept alcohol in the back of my mind as a safety net. If it got bad enough, I would drink. I would also continue with the rest of the steps.
Did my best with 2, but failed at that also. I could easily turn my life and will over, but knew that people do in fact go insane, and thought that might have also been gods will for me. Didn't trust 100% that I'd be healed, but was ready to accept whatever HP threw my way.
Anyhow... Getting a bit long winded. Went through all the steps, continued to go to meetings, and my experience began to change. I have a story of my coming to believe I was powerless in my blog. That took over a year sober. Believing I'd be restored to sanity took a lot longer. I had some severe panic and anxiety I issues, and I didn't start to believe that until they were gone. Slowly but surely, all the pieces started falling into place.
Point of this all is that I don't think its a good idea to get too caught up in any of this stuff. If you believe you're powerless over alcohol, you're further ahead in the game than I was in the beginning. Move on to the next step, be as honest, willing and open minded as you can be, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It works. And you can always redo all the steps at any time in your sobriety.
That wasn't however my experience, and believe there's a lot more room within each step than some people might think.
When I first got sober the only step that made any sense to me was the 3rd. So I worked it as best I possibly could, and it worked. I believe with all my heart and soul that my life and will has been expertly taken care of by a power much greater than myself. Didn't mean I did or do things perfectly, didn't mean things never got ugly, but it meant that I learned from every mistake I made along the way. And it meant that I never picked up a drink after that first day of recovery. I had also accepted that if it were gods will for me TO drink, I'd even roll with that. Thankfully that was never the case.
Anyhow... The first step I couldn't grasp. Unlike you however, my life was COMPLETELY unmanageable. Alcohol however was the only thing I felt helped keep the pieces of my mind a little bit together, so I couldn't admit or believe I was powerless over it. I heard many people say we MUST do this step perfectly, or we WILL drink, but honesty was a part of my program and I couldn't lie. I didn't believe I was powerless, and I even kept alcohol in the back of my mind as a safety net. If it got bad enough, I would drink. I would also continue with the rest of the steps.
Did my best with 2, but failed at that also. I could easily turn my life and will over, but knew that people do in fact go insane, and thought that might have also been gods will for me. Didn't trust 100% that I'd be healed, but was ready to accept whatever HP threw my way.
Anyhow... Getting a bit long winded. Went through all the steps, continued to go to meetings, and my experience began to change. I have a story of my coming to believe I was powerless in my blog. That took over a year sober. Believing I'd be restored to sanity took a lot longer. I had some severe panic and anxiety I issues, and I didn't start to believe that until they were gone. Slowly but surely, all the pieces started falling into place.
Point of this all is that I don't think its a good idea to get too caught up in any of this stuff. If you believe you're powerless over alcohol, you're further ahead in the game than I was in the beginning. Move on to the next step, be as honest, willing and open minded as you can be, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It works. And you can always redo all the steps at any time in your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
un·man·age·a·ble
ˌənˈmanijəbəl/
adjective
adjective: unmanageable
difficult or impossible to manage, manipulate, or control.
"his behavior was becoming unmanageable at home"
After I was sober for a while (like, months) I realized just how out of control I had become.
Roll with it for a while. More will be revealed.
ˌənˈmanijəbəl/
adjective
adjective: unmanageable
difficult or impossible to manage, manipulate, or control.
"his behavior was becoming unmanageable at home"
After I was sober for a while (like, months) I realized just how out of control I had become.
Roll with it for a while. More will be revealed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I used to feel the same as you. I managed. I worked, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, shopped etc.
I was not managing, I was maintaining. There is a difference. In reality, I was maintaining the unmanageability and I did that for many, many years.
I still work, cook and clean but I don't have to move them around anymore so I can drink. I don't ignore one or all of them so I can drink. I don't ignore my family and friends so I can drink.
I don't have to move anything around the bottle anymore. I just live my life
I was not managing, I was maintaining. There is a difference. In reality, I was maintaining the unmanageability and I did that for many, many years.
I still work, cook and clean but I don't have to move them around anymore so I can drink. I don't ignore one or all of them so I can drink. I don't ignore my family and friends so I can drink.
I don't have to move anything around the bottle anymore. I just live my life
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I was managing just fine until I lost my job. I was managing my drinking. Not much else.
Outsiders had no clue how much I drank. I managed to keep it a secret.
I also managed to avoid reality for many years.
Outsiders had no clue how much I drank. I managed to keep it a secret.
I also managed to avoid reality for many years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 462
I really appreciate everything that you all said. The thesaurus was helpful and very applicable to me! I aged with looking at ways my life was not manageable not looking at ways it was. I'm loving feeling a little less obsessed with drinking. Cravings are decreasing and I'm starting to notice small pleasures that didn't before.
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