brokenandlost

I desperately need help. I was just in what I thought was the best relationship ever, with a guy I thought I knew everything about. Our relationship lasted only a little longer than 6 months but they were an amazing 6 months. He had told me right off the hop about his previous issue with drugs but told me that he didn't do anything other than smoke weed and cigarettes now and drink. So I thought to myself he was very forthcoming with all these details so he must be telling the truth. about a month and a half ago he brought home a bag of cocaine, he told me that he hadn't done it in a long time and that he just really wanted to do it and wanted me to try it with him, I said that I didn't want to and he asked me a few more times I said no each time. he then proceeded to do the cocaine himself. the next day he told me how much he regretted doing it and he wasn't going to do it again. for the next month and a half everything seemed to be fine, cocaine was never mentioned we just went about as if it didn't happen. then last week he went over to his friends house and didn't come home, he had just received a big paycheque so they had gone out for some drinks. I later came to find out that he had spent all of his money on cocaine, and was high out of his mind. he then proceeded to make things so much worse by messaging me 16 year old niece and offering her money for sex the messages were horrible. I can not believe that he said those things. so I guess I need help to understand if it was the drugs that made him do that or if he has issues with younger girls. which is concerning since I have 2 young girls myself. My sister has threatened to get my children taken away if I am ever seen with him. I don't know if it was the drugs or him I know nothing about drugs, so I don't really know the effects that it would have on him. I just want him to get help and he has agreed to do that. I just don't know how I can move on. I love him so much and I want to help him but I can not lose my kids over him. any advice would be greatly appreciated I am just barely surviving.

HeadLump

Welcome to SR, brokenandlost I'm afraid I don't have experience to offer about the situation you're in. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along very soon. But I did want to say how sorry I am that you're going through this

paloverde

You need to get away from this person. Keep him out of your life. Get out before he sucks you down into his destructive world.

waterscapes

Hi brokenandlost. I am sorry you are going through this, but the first thing you need to think about is your children. This person you have been involved with sounds dishonest and dangerous. Please take care of yourself and your kids.

360shoes

Welcome Brokenandlost,
I'm so sorry you have all this to deal with. I was the one that always let everyone down so I don't know if I can help much. All I know is active addiction leaves a wake of destruction in its path for everyone. I do know its possible to get out of it. I hope your friend finds his way. Meanwhile, find a way for you and your children to be okay.

Check out the Friends and Family section here. There are a lot of people there that I'm sure know how you feel.

But still, I know what it feels like to be broken and lost too. First things first. Please take care of yourself and your children first. Find support doing that if it's too hard to do alone. You don't have to do it alone.

Honestly? If I were you I would love him from a distance now. A long, safe distance. Nothing personal about him but his behaviors are just too risky for you and your children to be close to.

I hope you find what you need to help you through this. You took a very good courageous start sharing on here. Keep taking it further till you find what you need to help you do what you need to do.

(((Hug)))

PurpleKnight

Think of it this way, regardless of which answer is correct, if he continues to fuel his addiction does it matter which it is, because answer A and B are still both on the table.

In the meantime until he gets the help he has talked about, and ACTUALLY follows through on it, you'll read all over this forum of people relapsing or taking months/years to finally sort out their addictions, the main thing is to make you and your kids the priority.

Look after yourself first, if he sorts himself out then great, if not then in the meantime you've been looking after your family and living YOUR life, not a life hindered by someone else's addiction, again there are plenty of people here that can highlight how destructive addictions can be.

You'll find loads of support here on SR!!

KAD

My honest opinion - and this is only my opinion - he's got serious issues and, whether it can be "blamed" on cocaine or not, he sounds completely untrustworthy until or unless he gets some help. Even then, I would have serious concerns about having him around your daughters, especially if he's using. Having two young daughters myself, I wouldn't want someone like that near them. I would run, not walk, to get away from this situation.

JJ9

I totally agree with everything that has been said. You cannot risk your daughters safety. Even though you love him you have to love your daughters more, they are depending on you! As GetMeOut said, run, don't walk.

longbeachone

I know you are sad at the thought of losing this "great guy" but he is anything but. He's conned you, and if you want to protect your kids, never see him or speak to him again. You're playing with fire.

SoberLeigh

Brokenandlost, I am so very sorry that you are in this situation.

I would suggest reading and posting in the Family and Friends forums where you will find many people with similar issues.

I have no experience with this so take my suggestion for what is worth. Your boyfriend has already majorly "crossed the line" with your 16 year old niece; drugs or not, she has already suffered at his hands. You have two daughters. When it comes to this man - move away, move on; you can't take that kind of a chance.

Again, I am so very sorry, brokenandlost.

SonomaGal

Trying to pay a 16 yo girl (your niece) for sex? Omg, no question, get away from him immediately!!! This is never going to go away, and in my opinion this goes way beyond drugs. There is no excuse that can right this. This guy is not worth losing your kids for, and irreversibly damaging your relationship with your sister. You need to set an example for your niece and your daughters. The love will fade, and you'll be soooooo glad you dodged that bullet! Good luck xoxo