Don't want to drink anymore
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: South Africa
Posts: 14
Don't want to drink anymore
Hi everybody
I am new to this forum, but I have been reading posts on SR for the last year or so. I am 50 years old, have been drinking for the past 20 years. I never drank every day, could not face alcohol when I was hung over, but at least twice or three times a week, everytime untill I blacked out. I can think of many reasons to mention here why I started and continued my drinking habit but, in the end, it's my life and I know it was my own choice and my own free will. I could have dealt with my circumstances in a different way, but, the fact is I did not and turned to alcohol for comfort.
On 21 May 2014 I had my last drinking session and decided that I had enough of this, I cannot live with the self-hatred, self-loathing, disgusted, depressed feelings any longer. I sat and made a list of the pro's and cons of drinking. Guess what - I could not come up with one pro.
Today is day 23 of sobriety for me. It feels so good to wake up in the morning with NO hangover, NO more worrying of what I said and did not say the previous night that might have offended someone, NO more searching of where the heck I have hidden my bottles of wine this time, NO more self-hatred and self-loathing, NO more submissive feelings, NO more black and blue marks all over my body which I had no clue where it came from, NO more wondering who I contacted or text the previous night and what was said in these conversations, etc, etc. I can now look life straight in the eye and feel confident about myself knowing that I am getting better and better each and every day. From now on my motto in life is: don't try and fight the past, live for the future. So I am trying not to think of my alcohol-filled days that are in the past, but am looking forward to a new me and a new life, trying to live it to the fullest.
The road is not easy and each and every day brings its new challenges, cravings come and go but I am determined to fight this deamon, like I said I am nog going to fight the past, once and for all. And luckily I have a very supportive husband, who is really trying hard to be a pillar in my life right now.
I hope you all have a super duper day and, thanks for listening. I find great comfort in reading everybody's posts. At least I don't feel so lonely anymore. Your posts really help me to stay on track and some days I also get my daily smile in when I can so relate with all these posts.
I am new to this forum, but I have been reading posts on SR for the last year or so. I am 50 years old, have been drinking for the past 20 years. I never drank every day, could not face alcohol when I was hung over, but at least twice or three times a week, everytime untill I blacked out. I can think of many reasons to mention here why I started and continued my drinking habit but, in the end, it's my life and I know it was my own choice and my own free will. I could have dealt with my circumstances in a different way, but, the fact is I did not and turned to alcohol for comfort.
On 21 May 2014 I had my last drinking session and decided that I had enough of this, I cannot live with the self-hatred, self-loathing, disgusted, depressed feelings any longer. I sat and made a list of the pro's and cons of drinking. Guess what - I could not come up with one pro.
Today is day 23 of sobriety for me. It feels so good to wake up in the morning with NO hangover, NO more worrying of what I said and did not say the previous night that might have offended someone, NO more searching of where the heck I have hidden my bottles of wine this time, NO more self-hatred and self-loathing, NO more submissive feelings, NO more black and blue marks all over my body which I had no clue where it came from, NO more wondering who I contacted or text the previous night and what was said in these conversations, etc, etc. I can now look life straight in the eye and feel confident about myself knowing that I am getting better and better each and every day. From now on my motto in life is: don't try and fight the past, live for the future. So I am trying not to think of my alcohol-filled days that are in the past, but am looking forward to a new me and a new life, trying to live it to the fullest.
The road is not easy and each and every day brings its new challenges, cravings come and go but I am determined to fight this deamon, like I said I am nog going to fight the past, once and for all. And luckily I have a very supportive husband, who is really trying hard to be a pillar in my life right now.
I hope you all have a super duper day and, thanks for listening. I find great comfort in reading everybody's posts. At least I don't feel so lonely anymore. Your posts really help me to stay on track and some days I also get my daily smile in when I can so relate with all these posts.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Welcome, dejavu, congratulations to you on your decision, and on your success! I think it is a very important first step to do as you did, make that pro and con list. It can really help to solidify that plan about ever using alcohol again. For me, the most important part of that was the list of things that I could have or do ONLY if I were sober. It led me to the realization that I could drink, OR I could have a life worth living, but there is no way on God's green earth I could do both.
Best to you, and onward!
Best to you, and onward!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: South Africa
Posts: 14
Thank you so much everybody for all your kind words. I am really looking forward in having this journey ahead of me together with you guys as my inspiration and I hope that I could also be of help to other people in this same situation. We are all in this boat together.
Love you All !!!
Love you All !!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: South Africa
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by freshstart57 
Welcome, dejavu, congratulations to you on your decision, and on your success! I think it is a very important first step to do as you did, make that pro and con list. It can really help to solidify that plan about ever using alcohol again. For me, the most important part of that was the list of things that I could have or do ONLY if I were sober. It led me to the realization that I could drink, OR I could have a life worth living, but there is no way on God's green earth I could do both.
Best to you, and onward!
Best to you, and onward!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
welcome and congrats on 23 days!
when I came back to my apt. after being in detox for a week, I was slightly terrified that my BF hadn't found all my wine bottles I hid...the last couple benders were bad and I was hiding them everywhere, some places not even well!!!
and the bruises. my god, I was like a friggin peach!
don't miss those days!
stick around here, you'll find all kinds of support
when I came back to my apt. after being in detox for a week, I was slightly terrified that my BF hadn't found all my wine bottles I hid...the last couple benders were bad and I was hiding them everywhere, some places not even well!!!
and the bruises. my god, I was like a friggin peach!
don't miss those days!
stick around here, you'll find all kinds of support
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Welcome.
Alcohol, besides making us prone to running into things, makes us more susceptible to bruising as well. Double whammy!
Where in South Africa if I might ask? I used to work for a South African company 20 years ago.
Alcohol, besides making us prone to running into things, makes us more susceptible to bruising as well. Double whammy!
Where in South Africa if I might ask? I used to work for a South African company 20 years ago.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: South Africa
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Jupiters
welcome and congrats on 23 days!
when I came back to my apt. after being in detox for a week, I was slightly terrified that my BF hadn't found all my wine bottles I hid...the last couple benders were bad and I was hiding them everywhere, some places not even well!!!
and the bruises. my god, I was like a friggin peach!
don't miss those days!
stick around here, you'll find all kinds of support
when I came back to my apt. after being in detox for a week, I was slightly terrified that my BF hadn't found all my wine bottles I hid...the last couple benders were bad and I was hiding them everywhere, some places not even well!!!
and the bruises. my god, I was like a friggin peach!
don't miss those days!
stick around here, you'll find all kinds of support
I was so embarassed the other day when my friend asked me what was in my coffee flask that was in the back of one of my cupboards and I told her there shouldn't be anything in it because we haven't used it for ages. She opened it up and said I must smell it, and oh my word, it was flippen wine. I cannot even remember pouring it in there, but just shows you how clever one thinks one is when you are so out of it, thinking that no one will know you have put the wine in there, in the meantime you cannot even remember yourself. It is crazy.
Never, ever, ever want to be in that situation again.
Good luck to you as well, I hope, no, I know we can stick this out together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: South Africa
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Taking5
Welcome.
Alcohol, besides making us prone to running into things, makes us more susceptible to bruising as well. Double whammy!
Where in South Africa if I might ask? I used to work for a South African company 20 years ago.
Alcohol, besides making us prone to running into things, makes us more susceptible to bruising as well. Double whammy!
Where in South Africa if I might ask? I used to work for a South African company 20 years ago.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 37
That's a great motto to have dejavu and I'm sure it strikes a note with pretty much everyone on here. Consider it officially stolen!! Haha......
I've only recently rejoined SR and I'm on day 6. So many things in your post I can relate to, great to know there is a community on here that share experiences, both good and bad. Looking forward to your future contributions and welcome to SR.
OTL
I've only recently rejoined SR and I'm on day 6. So many things in your post I can relate to, great to know there is a community on here that share experiences, both good and bad. Looking forward to your future contributions and welcome to SR.
OTL
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