bp09

Nightly drinks till numb for over a decade. Rum and cokes, Jack and cokes. So sick of this b.s. I can go all day without so technically 24 hrs, but the cycle starts all over again. Addiction or habit? Does it even matter? I know I have a problem. So sick of waking up feeling like crap and feeling guilty every frickin day. Anyone else going through this crap?

Dee74

Hi again BP

I'm not sure it mattered much to me if it was an addiction or a habit. I knew I had to stop.
Got any ideas on how you might do that?

D

bp09

Grr... Out of ideas. I get through the day and all I can think of is working out then rewarding myself with cocktails. I know it is killing me but there is this survival mode that kicks in telling me to drink. I know it sounds weird

Dee74

Thats not a survival mode - it's anything but. It's a self destruction mode.

For me that was the voice of my addiction telling me that whatever was bothering me would go away with a drink...

My suggestion is to find support to help you stay sober, and use it. Also look at your lifestyle and make any changes you think are necessary for you to stay sober.

It's a little work, and it may not be comfortable for a while, but I think it's worth it bp - it has been for me

D

bp09

Thx D

pupkin

Hey BP. I used to ask myself that all the time but now I agree with Dee: at a certain point the distinction doesn't matter anymore. If it's making you feel terrible and you still do it anyway, the answer's the same either way. I confused survival mode with self-destruct mode myself for years, for what it's worth. I still get them confused. But it gets easier to recognize the difference. And it is worth it. Wishing you the best and hope to see you around here.

sugarbear1

can ya live without drinking?

Marcher13

Hi bp, yes I did. It was horrible and whatever way I dressed it up it was awful. 15 months ago I stopped and got my life, health and sharp mind back. Does it matter if it was a nightly drinks habit or addiction? No it doesn't, it was stuffing up my life. Good things await you.

Nonsensical

It sounds weird because the thinking part of our brains know we don't require alcohol to survive. However, part of the mechanism of addiction is that a non-thinking part of the brain - the same part that triggers panic if someone is holding your head under water - reacts to the loss of alcohol as if it were necessary for survival. So in that sense, what you are sensing isn't that weird.

Understanding that phenomenon was very helpful to me kicking the bottle. Understanding that part of my brain was betraying me and stimulating ideas that were not true (i.e. drinking helps, I need it) helped me deal with that (very unpleasant) sensation. Knowledge is power, as they say.

If you stop drinking you will likely feel anxious for a few weeks, especially in the evenings when you are accustomed to drinking. Just remember - you can't trust everything you think!

coming_clean

I've been in the cycle you describe for a decade and a half using drugs.
Going to the gym then smoke a joint as 'cooling down'.
Waking up, coffee with a joint to start the day.

It had to stop, the major side-effects of this lifestyle nearly destroyed me.

Nowadays I work out, and afterwards, I just chill out as a reward.
In the mornings, meditation and then a coffee to start the day.

Life is much better now.
Plus I can lift more kilo's and do more reps and my body recovers faster.

Chilledice

I think what has worked for me is no matter HOW bad I feel without the booze I just ride those emotions out, ONE DAY AT A TIME! one day turns to two days then three days and so on n so forth, and before you know it you have a few weeks sobriety under your belt and those feelings of '' pull '' towards the booze lessen over time!

Stick around! this site is great and a lot of your questions can be answered here, with a ton of help and support!

LBrain

habits become addictions

Cowgirlie

Your habit does not have to control you. Within just a few days saying NO you can feel so much better and in control and just free of that nagging pull. Staying present on this site is a great help and motivator. Good luck to you x

Pete55

If you want to sort out your drinking habits/addictions or whatever label you choose to put on it, stop footing around and get to an AA meeting to find out from others what they done.
Some may make sense to you, some may not. Go to at least 5 AA meetings, what have you got to lose?

But from the sounds of it, your problem stems from the mind, which is the thought of a drink then obsess about that seed of thought till it's overwhelmingly "loud", then succumb to the desire to drink, and that cycle is repeated. I know this cos it was happening to me some time ago. I'd go to the gym, workout and then "reward" myself. It just made matters worse.

One needs to break that cycle, but at what point and how ?
Just don't pick up that first drink and get to an AA meeting instead.
Hopefully you will find others who have had or are going through similar experiences and hear their stories of alcoholic and or drug recovery.
Hopefully you will learn something of what it's all about.
That's been my experience and it's worked, so far so good.
Magic pills, sweet-talks and self pity parties don't work.

camino2012

You said exactly what I was thinking!

Especially with substances that are progressively more addictive!

KAD

I told myself for years I really didn't think I was addicted because I could just stop cold and, other than an occasional hangover, feel like nothing ever happened. Then, as I continued on with my drinking, I decided it was just a bad habit and maybe I was "psychologically addicted." So, I kept on drinking until I was physically addicted and now I am in my umpteenth detox. Withdrawal is hell on earth, so I'm having to be medicated to help me through it. If you don't want to end up like that, you're at a perfect spot to turn it around. Don't go where I am. You don't want to be there!

PurpleKnight

For me analysing the ins and outs of why I drank wasn't important, the consequences of drinking regardless of how they were arrived at was the important thing, my drinking was damaging my life, and something had to change.

Sobriety was the change I needed to make, to not wake up feeling that way anymore!!

Gonnachange

bp, I'm in a very similar situation. Habit, addict; I don't know what the right label, but I do know that I'm drinking too much. As part of my effort to curb my consumption I stumbled across this site and it's been very helpful. Stick around, post, and read. Wish you well!

anattaboy

bp, like you I had this idea that to drink was a reward and helped me unwind, socialize, have fun etc. After some time and consequences I could not deny that alcohol was hurting me and everyone I cared for so I drank more and it gave some relief before bed. Then work (I busted ass for my reward), then blotto, sleep. Eventually it got much worse for me but even at this stage my whole life was centered on that 2 hrs of blotto that became less and less. Many labels clinical or otherwise for where you are at right now but hell is best (and it gets much hotter). I'm only a couple days alcohol free and having some trouble even typing but this site (and some others) helped me stand up to that "voice that whispers lies" and choose life over death. Stay with us awhile--read everything. You are closer than you think to following through and being comfortable in your own skin.