damagecontrol

Hi, I just signed up.

I like to think of myself as a "high-functioning" alcoholic. I just got my law degree, and am about to get married to a beautiful and intelligent woman who I have been head over heels for since about 10 years ago. However, I'm worried that alcohol is going to ruin everything. My drinking has been a concern for the past 7 years or so. So far I've been able to do what I need to do, but I haven't done as well as I think I could have, and have had a much more difficult time doing it. I never touched alcohol until I was about 18 during my freshman year of college, but it has become a progressively worse problem since.

I have always had extreme insomia and anxiety, and it seems like the only thing that has helped has been getting drunk. I just seem to always have a knot in my stomach until I get 2-3 drinks in me. I've gone to a half dozen counselors and have taken a half dozen anti-anxiety meds, but nothing seems to make a difference. None of my family members have a drinking problem, so I thought that I was safe.

I came to terms with my drinking problem about a year and a half ago, I realized that I was drinking much too frequently, but since that time my problem has only gotten worse. I'm now drinking about 6 days a week, and in the 8-10 drinks a night range. The most frustrating thing is that I know that I don't need to. I was recently ill, and as a result I went 6 weeks without drinking at all, and didn't feel any real withdrawal symptoms, but as soon as I started feeling well again I slipped back into my old habits as if nothing had changed.

I know that I can't kick this on my own. Whenever I have been able to make improvements it has been because I have had people around me to keep me accountable. Unfortunately, I'm also really good at hiding my problem from my friends and family. That's why I decided to look for an anonymous voluntary support group. After reading many posts on this site, and seeing the genuine compassion and empathy between members, I realized that this sort of environment is what I need. I'm looking forward to receiving, and hopefully giving, the support and encouragement necessary to take back control.

KateL

I hope you can do it and I'm sure you can. You look like you have a lovely, promising future xxx

Dee74

Welcome damagecontrol

I found that alcohol actually exacerbated my anxiety...it was no coincidence that the more addicted I got the only thing that would quell that anxiety was a drink.

If you were drinking on the anti anxiety meds...again, it's no coincidence they didn't work too well, IMO.

It's a tough bind to be in, and it's not easy for a while...but I did find my anxiety lessened after a period of sobriety.

I think I'm the least anxious now that I've ever been my entire adult life

You will find an amazing wellspring of support and encouragement here too.

I'm glad you found us

D

Thepatman

Welcome to the familly!

It's a vicious cycle, the more I drank the more I felt crappy and depressed, the more I needed to drink to numb the emptiness.

Amester

Hello and welcome! I'm relatively new here myself and have already benefited tremendously from this incredible community. There is so much support here and it's so refreshing to talk to people who truly understand what I have been though and the struggles I face as a person in recovery.

I commend you for being willing to admit that you feel this has become a problem for you, and for seeking out some support. Those are some great first steps! I'm very early in my recovery so am not in a position to offer much advice or guidance but you have my 100% support.

DisplacedGRITS

So many of my anxieties fell away when I stopped drinking. I didn't start drinking abusively until my mid 20s. That being said, I had alcoholic behavior patterns all my life, long before my first drink. I shared during a meeting today about the topic of acceptance. Acceptance to me used to mean concession. It was giving up and being on the losing side. I didn't want to accept anything besides what I thought I should have. I raged against the world for so long. If I couldn't accept something in my life, I ran from it. I tried to manipulate people around me to get them to do what I wanted. One example of my social engineering was deliberately removing myself from a group of friends, going off and sitting alone and waiting to see who, if anyone, came for me and how long it took. In my mind, this would determine my worth in the group. If no one came, then it was because they didn't really like me and didn't care. I never considered that my friends were just busy engaging with people who wanted to talk and probably figured that if I left, I had a good reason. No....for me, they failed my friend test and I either became distant or I damn near assaulted them with my friendly personality to make them like me. It was all about me. Me, me, me!

Needless to say, I have been very anxious in my life. Even recently, I tried to shove my negative emotions into something a coworker said. He was talking about dodgeball. I assumed it was a joke at my expense that I wasn't in on. I finally figured out that the guy actually plays in a local dodgeball league. Smh.

Most of my anxieties, if not all, are fear based. I find that if I'm afraid of something, my instinct is to either manipulate it into my control and make it be what I want or, barring that, running like hell from it. Facing my fears now is very difficult. I have to actively pull my head out of the sand on almost a daily basis. It's so freaking hard! I like to keep a couple of acronyms that I've heard from so many people lately. When I was not in recovery, FEAR meant F*ck Everything And Run. Now, it's Face Everything And Recover. It's not easy but when I deal with sh*t, it gets dealt with and it cannot continue to cause me anxiety.

I hope that you find that sobriety helps ease your anxieties. I've found that stopping drinking was just the catalyst for my real recovery. Sobriety is about so much more than not drinking. If all I was doing was not drinking, I'd be crazy miserable. Keep coming around. There are lots of good people here with sage advice. It's good to have you here.

EJ43

Hi damage control!!! Welcome! You sound ready! I had to get a therapist to help me. I couldn't do it alone. A lot of people on here use SR as their main source, but whatever it takes for you, welcome to the journey. I was and am a very anxious person. I can shoulder quite a heavy load, but a child's book report will tip the scales and boom. I have found my anxiety lessening the longer I don't drink. That cycle can wreak havoc on you! I hope you find it
Helpful here and good luck, you sound like a very lucky
Man embarking on a marriage and a great career!

LBrain

I guess I was what you could call a high functioning alcoholic. I was also in the many drinks a day category near the end. Except that on days I didn't have to "officially" function, my alcohol consumption doubled or tripled. It took many years to reach my pinnacle - more than you currently have. Then the walls came tumbling down.

The knots in the stomach disappeared after a couple months alcohol free. Once the acceptance of how alcohol controlled me and that I was better off without it, I felt a calmness come over me.

gvrecovery

Welcome to the forum, your story sounds familiar, I did well in college but could have done better, but drinking was starting to take over and the anxiety grew. You're very fortunate to be here while you're still young, if you want to hear how bad it gets as you age, stick around.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

It's great you've recognised something has to change, you've graduated and gotten married, don't let alcohol ruin that.

You can do this, you'll find loads of support here!!