What do you tell people?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 452
What do you tell people?
I just had a therapy session and my therapist told me that I am walking a fine line between confidentiality and secrecy because I don't tell people I'm in recovery or an alcoholic when offered a drink. My thought is, what is it any of their business. I tell people, "I no longer drink," and leave it at that. Any thoughts on this? Please share.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
I agree. Its up to you who you trust to tell. If your out with coworkers I would just say I don't drink. If your with family or close friends no shame in telling them the truth because they likely already know. Its your lifeyou decide. As long as your sober I don't know why your therapist should care. Wish you the best 
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Depends on who it is. A very close friend you can probably say the truth. For casual acquaintances, I do not think you need to provide further information. There is definitely a stigma with advertising that you are an "alcoholic" and "in recovery," those words do have a negative connotation for many people.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Yeap, I just say I'm not drinking at this or that event, or with people I know, "I'm no longer drinking alcohol, make mine a cranberry juice!!"
Things are tough enough dealing with such a big change, only close family/friends may need more info, as in your longer term intentions not to drink, but not everyone else.
It's your decision!!
Things are tough enough dealing with such a big change, only close family/friends may need more info, as in your longer term intentions not to drink, but not everyone else.
It's your decision!!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
If you tell people your an acohlic it may start an uncomfortable conversation if you are witb people that are blatantly drinking in front of you. That will cause anxiety and ackwardness for the people you with. You don't need to tell anyone why you dong drink. Its none of there business.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 452
You have all echoed my thoughts exactly. I am comfortable with those closest to me knowing (as if they didn't already suspect something was up), but feel uneasy telling those in professional circles or casual acquaintances this about myself. For those in my professional circle, I feel they may look down on me and decide to do business elsewhere.
I think my therapist was coming from the vein of being in recovery is a badge of courage, not a badge of shame. I think she worries about me, since I still connect alcoholism with shame. It is a double-edged sword. In one respect, yes, I am ashamed (working on this one), but on the other end of the spectrum, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. It has taught me that I can get through anything.
I think my therapist was coming from the vein of being in recovery is a badge of courage, not a badge of shame. I think she worries about me, since I still connect alcoholism with shame. It is a double-edged sword. In one respect, yes, I am ashamed (working on this one), but on the other end of the spectrum, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. It has taught me that I can get through anything.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Those closest to me know, because I went to rehab, etc.
For anyone else: I just say "no thanks, I don't drink". It RARELY comes up, and I think you are probably imagining all the scenarios in your head probably a little too much. When pressed, I gave it up for health purposes or that I'm on medication (both are true). If someone still wants details, I will change the subject. But nobody will press you, especially not a stranger.
I remember when I first got sober, a woman was handing out flyers on the street outside of a restaurant. The flyers said "2-for-1 margaritas" or something like that. I told the woman that I didn't drink, and therefore wasn't interested...etc, etc, etc. She looked a bit confused: why was I discussing this with her?
Later, I realized that I didn't need to talk about my drinking to a stranger on the street. Today I would just take the flyer, smile, and go on about my business. Once you get some "sober legs" you'll realize you don't have to confront this issue all the time.
For anyone else: I just say "no thanks, I don't drink". It RARELY comes up, and I think you are probably imagining all the scenarios in your head probably a little too much. When pressed, I gave it up for health purposes or that I'm on medication (both are true). If someone still wants details, I will change the subject. But nobody will press you, especially not a stranger.
I remember when I first got sober, a woman was handing out flyers on the street outside of a restaurant. The flyers said "2-for-1 margaritas" or something like that. I told the woman that I didn't drink, and therefore wasn't interested...etc, etc, etc. She looked a bit confused: why was I discussing this with her?
Later, I realized that I didn't need to talk about my drinking to a stranger on the street. Today I would just take the flyer, smile, and go on about my business. Once you get some "sober legs" you'll realize you don't have to confront this issue all the time.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
not crazy about that advice from a "therapist" either.
it's your bidnazz to do what you want with it.
My close friends, family and employers know (hah, there was no hiding it after the last wreckage!)
other than that, if I meet people, I'll simply pass saying "no thanks"
it's your bidnazz to do what you want with it.
My close friends, family and employers know (hah, there was no hiding it after the last wreckage!)
other than that, if I meet people, I'll simply pass saying "no thanks"
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Jupiters 
not crazy about that advice from a "therapist" either.
In retrospect I would have preferred not to tell so many people. That's what the recovery community is for, after all.
Whatever floats your boat, I guess!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Is your therapist in recovery? There are those who
are addiction councilors or even physicians who are
also in recovery that know and live a recovery life.
I for myself find it hard to communicate with
those not in recovery themselves. It's easy to
talk the talk of recovery, but, imo, I believe
one has to be one in order to know one.
If that make sense.
are addiction councilors or even physicians who are
also in recovery that know and live a recovery life.
I for myself find it hard to communicate with
those not in recovery themselves. It's easy to
talk the talk of recovery, but, imo, I believe
one has to be one in order to know one.
If that make sense.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I made no secret of being perched on a bar stool for 35 years, so I don't think I need to make a secret of my recovery. That being said, I don't broadcast it. If someone inquires as to why I don't drink, I tell them.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Hmm, I really don't understand what your therapist is getting at? Does she advocate the 12-Steps? If so, that would probably explain the use of the word "secrecy". Really, I don't see any secrecy by saying "I don't drink" or "I no longer drink" without further explanation. Moreover, I don't see any harm in keeping your recovery to yourself or your immediate friends and family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 452
Originally Posted by aasharon90
Is your therapist in recovery? There are those who
are addiction councilors or even physicians who are
also in recovery that know and live a recovery life.
I for myself find it hard to communicate with
those not in recovery themselves. It's easy to
talk the talk of recovery, but, imo, I believe
one has to be one in order to know one.
If that make sense.
are addiction councilors or even physicians who are
also in recovery that know and live a recovery life.
I for myself find it hard to communicate with
those not in recovery themselves. It's easy to
talk the talk of recovery, but, imo, I believe
one has to be one in order to know one.
If that make sense.
This is not the first time this issue has been brought up by her. I feel that this part of my life is private. No need to go out and broadcast it. I have found it hard enough to seek help, and to talk with those closest to me about this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
my go-to's range from;
"no thank you"
to
"I don't drink"
to
"I don't drink anymore"
to
"I'm giving my body a break"
to
"Drinking has lost whatever allure it once had for me"
to
"I've found that my life is more joyous and full without drinking"
to
"Well, I'm either an alcoholic or I was really well on my way to becoming one, so I decided that was good enough for me. I don't drink".
It all depends how close the person inquiring is and what the context is. I'm actually pretty anti-embracing the alcoholic moniker because it is not something that can be objectively tested for or confirmed, it carries a huge stigma and it has the very real potential to bring about discrimination in many settings. So, I tend to simply focus on either just saying no thank you without any explanation or a simple "I don't drink".
In many cases, close friends or people who have been my drinking buddies in the past have enquired... and with those I will be more open about my reasons and my decisions. Because honestly - some of them may actually see it as an open door to walk through in coming to terms with their own issues with alcohol. And also, because being fully open about it with at least some of my circle of friends and acquaintances is helpful in supporting my choice.
"no thank you"
to
"I don't drink"
to
"I don't drink anymore"
to
"I'm giving my body a break"
to
"Drinking has lost whatever allure it once had for me"
to
"I've found that my life is more joyous and full without drinking"
to
"Well, I'm either an alcoholic or I was really well on my way to becoming one, so I decided that was good enough for me. I don't drink".
It all depends how close the person inquiring is and what the context is. I'm actually pretty anti-embracing the alcoholic moniker because it is not something that can be objectively tested for or confirmed, it carries a huge stigma and it has the very real potential to bring about discrimination in many settings. So, I tend to simply focus on either just saying no thank you without any explanation or a simple "I don't drink".
In many cases, close friends or people who have been my drinking buddies in the past have enquired... and with those I will be more open about my reasons and my decisions. Because honestly - some of them may actually see it as an open door to walk through in coming to terms with their own issues with alcohol. And also, because being fully open about it with at least some of my circle of friends and acquaintances is helpful in supporting my choice.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
In polite company I just say, "no thanks."
If pushed, I will look them right in the eye and say bluntly, "I'm an alcoholic!" I'm a naughty girl--I like to see pushy people get discomfited, particularly if they will never see me again.
If pushed, I will look them right in the eye and say bluntly, "I'm an alcoholic!" I'm a naughty girl--I like to see pushy people get discomfited, particularly if they will never see me again.
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