cusper

I am almost 200 days sober. Lately I have been having a very hard time. I really really wanted to drink today. I really wanted to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes and grab a bottle of wine off the shelf because sometimes the sheer frustration of being human needs some reprieve. I even have pot from last summer kicking around downstairs. I don't know how to make myself happy in this moment.

SoberLeigh

I hope you can find happiness in those 200 days of sobriety; that is a great accomplishment.

Might be time to start a new hobbynor renew interest in a new one. Volunteer activities may provide a great deal of personal satisfaction.

By the way, I really like your avatar. Is there a story behind it?

SonomaGal

I am about a month ahead of you (go us!). I have to say that once I hit 6 months, I hit a place of sobriety burn out, weariness, PAWS. The desire to drink to get away from my head, emotions, life, really kicked in. It's gotten better, but it was surprising and very frustrating how strong these feelings and desires were. I didn't give in and I'm glad, very glad. That said I really wish this process was linear, and shorter. I guess it's all part of the journey right? Ok, this post is longer than planned! I guess the point is that I hope this helps reassure you that things will look up, just stay the course!

happyandfree

I'm at 100 plus days. This afternoon I found myself thinking that I wanted to get a bottle of anything and get smashed. Sometimes i just want to take a time out. Then I thought it through and it passed. I came home and had a nice meal and pleasant night.I just think it's ingrained in our brains to turn to alcohol when we are feeling happy, sad, stressed, angry, sad, excited. ..anything! all I know for sure is: I will thank god and everything in the universe tomorrow morning that I didn't drink. You are doing great cusper....keep up the good work. We are human and have good days and bad days. The bad days pass.

Dee74

Hi Cusper
I'm glad you stayed strong.

I think I was looking for something with instant respite, just like alcohol, but without all the other stuff. I didn't want to move sideways onto other drugs either. Been there done that.

What I found were a number of things that work more slowly, but give me even better results for dealling with stress or pressure.

Exercise is a good one, so is watching a favorite or funny movie or TV show, video games, playing or listening to music, indulging in hobbies.

Sometimes just reaching out and being heard helps too.

Give it some thought - what are the things that stress you and drive you to want respite and escape?
in what other healthy ways could you diminish the problem or minimise its effects?

is yours an unbalanced life - is there enough time for you, and your mental and physical well-being?

Thinking about things like that can be very useful indeed

D

happyandfree

Wow-sometimes I write a post and lose it...like just now.
Anyway what I said was that I'm at 100 plus days and today I felt like getting a bottle of anything and getting smashed. Sometimes I just want to take a break from all this and a time out from life. I thought it through and it passed. I think it is ingrained in our brains to drink when we are happy, sad, excited, exhausted, whatever. I came home from work and had a nice dinner instead and had a nice evening. And for sure I will be so grateful in the morning that I didn't drink tonight. You are doing great cusper. 200 days is amazing. Keep up the good work. We have good days and bad days. The bad days pass.

happyandfree

Omg....I seem to have posted twice. I thought I lost the first one and re wrote it...sorry about that.

Ruby2

Happy and Free what you had to say was worth reading twice. I've been feeling the same way lately. I've got about 200 days in. I've been Wanting to just say eff this and buy a bottle. I don't really even want to drink. That's the frustrating part. I just want to escape for a short amount of time and the alcohol represents that escape. In the end, I just come home from work, do my usual stuff and come on here. Text a couple of friends from AA and call it a night. But I know I will wake up with no hangover and that is the best part.

Nuudawn

That line really stood out for me. For me, that nails it. That is probably thee biggest thing I get out of drinking...
It's like hitting some sort of "eject" button mentally.
You run away from yourself...life...everything..

But I guess that therein is the problem. We are running away from ourselves.
Hmmm I am suddenly reminded of some meditation/affirmation podcasts on my phone that were in helpful when I couldn't handle my own head...couldn't shake a negative livestream...

I've been in a bit of a funk myself...
Old adages...like this too shall pass...however true..
Don't make it pass...instantly.
But..they do pass.

Johnsonsober22

Cusper, have you tried to work out, it gives me relief for the frustration and my mind thinking of other things..... I know you can do it..

Johnsonsober22

Good you didnt happy, i did and i was surprised over how fast i got hooked again... Now it day 18 , second and im taking Antabuse because i dont trust myself yet..... Im proud of you....'n

Notmyrealname

I have things in progress -- projects, I guess I'd call them -- that just don't work with drinking, and I think that helps a lot to fight off feelings like those. I have a ton of time and effort invested and I'm real happy with how things are working out, and I'd be super disappointed if those got off track. So that's kind of how I deal with that.

The risk though I think with projects like that is, how do you deal with it if/when those projects get sidelined? One of my projects for the summer is getting into road racing shape (from a starting place I'll call "definitely not anywhere in the galaxy of being in road racing shape" and leave it at that). I'm not sure how I'd deal with injury. Hopefully I don't have to find out, but that's a risk that has occurred to me.

cusper

Thank you so much for writing in to me!! I was so upset I went to bed. Soberleigh, I am a painter and that is a painting years back of an alleyway behind my house one winter. I am a creative person and a few of the tools I have to accomplish these things have broken.. (god as I write this I could say metaphorically and literally) like my sewing machine, my computer, my DVD player...I have about 4 projects going all the time and I was unable to get what I want done. I am a housewife and I cherish the 2 hours of time I get to be creative and when everything was broken I had a huge MELTDOWN. But really Happy, you are right it is SOOO ingrained in my brain to not want to deal with the frustration and to take a drink to relax. Also now that it is summer I feel like I am quitting all over again. It feels like I am tackling all new triggers that weren't around in the winter. This is also my first summer not smoking. Dee you are right, it is the things that take work and time that give the real sense of accomplishment. It's re-training my brain to be able to deal with the stresses of life without turning to a drug to relieve the frustrations of life. Thank you so much again for all of your responses and suggestions, it was wonderful to wake up to a new day not hungover with all of this support.

Notimetoloose

Cusper, I have always admired your avatar, you clever woman. I am just over 7 months and pretty much can feel mentally 4 seasons in one day. I dont know why it happening now but it will pass.

cusper

SonomaGal thank you too for your comment. I love your signature, that alone is enough to keep me sober.

Ruby2

Cusper, I really like the painting. The light draws me in.

I am not so creative but being overwhelmed by fixing broken things in a limited amount of time on a daily basis really resonates. I feel so overwhelmed by all of it that has to get done RIGHT NOW! I get frozen. In the end I spend so much time freaking out about it all that little gets done.

I don't have an answer since I'm still working in it myself but I'm glad I am not alone. It is a struggle every day. Finding a balance between it all. I guess I feel better when I start with one thing. If I can do one thing I feel better. I just have to tune out the hundred other things that are clamoring for my attention. Alcohol quieted those figurative voices and it isn't there anymore to do it so I have to find a better way.

Cheers. I'm off to do my morning rush of a hundred things.

doggonecarl

I suggest you find it and throw it away. You made it through your last struggle, but don't have that tempation around the next time you want to be "happy" and you lose your sober time to get high. And I'm not saying that because I'm some hardliner. Just last week I relapsed after four years, and pot was involved because of the triple play of access, opportunity, and craving.

Be safe.

Mountainmanbob

we must learn not to entertain the thought of drinking
I was taught this by my Sponsor
if I (we) keep thinking about drinking
in time we will probably talk ourselves into it (self deception) and drink
in the AA Big Book it refers to a hot stove
we now think of drinking as a hot stove
learning from our lessons
not to get burnt yet again

Mountainman

cusper

Doggoncarl, I think you are right. Getting rid of it

readerbaby71

Good for you! Every time you resist the urge you get stronger. xoxo