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I don't think I'm going to make it

Old 06-10-2014, 03:34 PM
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Hey Daisy - I don't do doctors or meetings either. A little phobic, I suppose. But it sounds like your body is starting to show the effects of all that alcohol. It's not going to get better on its own. As others have said, get in to see a doc. Don't hold anything back and don't soft-sell it. Lay it all out on the table - the "full catastrophe", if you will. I think you'll find it emotional, but wonderfully freeing.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:39 PM
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Daisy please just go to the ER and say "I drink too much and I started vomiting blood". The professionals will take it from there. You never to do this again.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:41 PM
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Daisy you should see a doctor asap.

And yes, you can make it. Your body and spirit will heal. The sooner you stop drinking, the sooner you can start to recover!
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
I am also against taking any drugs for recovery, which I realize is completely hypocritical as I drugged myself daily with alcohol for decades. But it's a 100% valid concern and please do tell your doctor you'd like to avoid any drugs if possible.

Your immediate health issue of last night cannot be ignored though- and it's not something you should put off for a future health assessment. Vomiting blood needs immediate medical attention, like going to the ER immediate if you can't get in to see your regular doctor today.
I'm glad I'm not alone here. I have heard of people getting prescriptions for benzos to detox and I am sure for many they were a life saver, but they just affect me very badly. There was a time years ago, a doctor prescribed me Xanax, and the effect of the Xanax and alcohol made me almost homicidal. It was really weird and really scary. I have also been known to like pain pills just a little too much so I stay away from those, the last thing I need is another damn addiction to worry about.

I haven't vomited since last night. But I have had a few dizzy spells today. It will cost me $1000 to go to the ER so I might see if I can go to Urgent Care and at least have them make sure I am stabilized. Thank you for weighing in.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:46 PM
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Hi Daisy

I'm a guy but much of your story was mine too. I turned it around, so I know you can too - there is always hope.

For now, go see your Dr. You needed to find out whats happening...it might be some thing really small, but you'll never know until you find out.

I know it's scary seeing the Dr and it's scary to think about getting sober...but trust me it's scarier not to do anything about it.

I did nothing until I almost did die.

The earlier you can quit the better - the longer you leave it the harder it gets.

There's so much great support and fantastic wisdom here Daisy
you'll be ok

D
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:46 PM
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"I'm not even 40 years old, and I feel like I might not be around much longer."

Please see a doctor regarding your vomiting blood, that is a serious sign of something
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:49 PM
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I should also add, another best friend of mine is just a few years older than me and she is a really bad alcoholic. The last time I saw her, I felt she was disenagrating right before my eyes. She has always been a voluptuous, beautiful woman, but now she literally looks like she is wasting. She doesn't eat anymore, just drinks, and has been hospitalized several times. She can no longer keep a job and her husband is talking about leaving her. I mention this because,in spite of all that I see happening to her, when she calls me wanting to drink I almost always give in. i was at home a few Saturdays ago intending to totally dry out when she called me and - WHAM - just like that, I wanted beer, I wanted tequila, I ended up getting totally wasted.

The drinking buddies pull me right back in. I am just as sick as they are. I know when I tell them I am committing to sobriety, they probably won't be "friends" anymore. Unless they decide to sober up too.

I should probably just stop responding to their phone calls and texts until I feel a little more secure.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Daisyforever View Post
I'm glad I'm not alone here. I have heard of people getting prescriptions for benzos to detox and I am sure for many they were a life saver, but they just affect me very badly. There was a time years ago, a doctor prescribed me Xanax, and the effect of the Xanax and alcohol made me almost homicidal. It was really weird and really scary. I have also been known to like pain pills just a little too much so I stay away from those, the last thing I need is another damn addiction to worry about.

I haven't vomited since last night. But I have had a few dizzy spells today. It will cost me $1000 to go to the ER so I might see if I can go to Urgent Care and at least have them make sure I am stabilized. Thank you for weighing in.
Please don't ever mix alcohol with a benzo or opiate/opiod. That is madness.

Go to urgent care. Post back and let us know how you are doing.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:54 PM
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Try not to leap ahead too much.
Your priority now should be a checkup, then looking at stopping drinking and staying stopped.

Then you can look at lifestyle and friends and of all that

I had to change a lot of things about my life too Daisy, but I don't feel I lost out on the deal

I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten about - gradually I rebuilt a life around who I really was

D
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Daisyforever View Post
Here are the basics-
I am a 39 year old female. I’ve been drinking heavily since I was about 22.
I don’t drink during the day but I drink almost every night and have been for years. I can easily put away 8 to 12 beers. Things get especially painful if I decide to add a little rum or tequila into the mix.

I do hold down a day job, I actually like my day job (most of the time). I function pretty well at work but lately I have noticed cracks that can be seen beneath the façade. I’m sure if I notice it, others can too.

I’ve been married 14 years. We have no children. My husband used to be just a moderate drinker but his usage has also increased over time and he is almost as bad as I am (he’s also twice my size, if that gives you any idea how bad I am). We are “happy” drunks together. It has been a very rare occasion that we’ve ever fought while drunk. This makes it harder to quit.

I have made a few halfhearted stabs at AA over the years, but I always quit going after a few meetings. Nothing has really stuck with me but I know that is not AA’s fault. I have gotten down on my knees many times and prayed to God to please take this sickness from me, but nothing ever changes and then I start to think if God doesn’t care, why should I? (pathetic, I know)
It is terrifying to have your body and mind conspire against you to try to convince you that you must have something that will absolutely kill you. I betray myself over, and over, and over again. It’s terrifying.

I have very few friends who are not big drinkers. Honestly, I really have very few friends period. I used to have a lot of them but as time goes on I just don’t like to leave the house. I consider every request for my company a complete imposition on my drinking time, so I constantly turn down invitations or cancel at the last minute. I do this to family, too.

Last night I started throwing up bright red blood. Lots of it. That was a first. I was too drunk to really panic about it. I told my husband what happened, and he said, well maybe we shouldn’t drink for the rest of the week. He hasn’t even called me today to see how I am doing.

I am scared guys. I feel so hopeless. I'm not even 40 years old, and I feel like I might not be around much longer. It’s like a part of me wants help and wants to get well so bad but then another part of me wants to completely and totally self-destruct, all the time. It‘s horrible and sometimes I think it would be easier if I just wasn’t around anymore.

Daisy
I was the same from 20 to 40's. It's never too late xx
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Daisy

I'm a guy but much of your story was mine too. I turned it around, so I know you can too - there is always hope.

For now, go see your Dr. You needed to find out whats happening...it might be some thing really small, but you'll never know until you find out.

I know it's scary seeing the Dr and it's scary to think about getting sober...but trust me it's scarier not to do anything about it.

I did nothing until I almost did die.

The earlier you can quit the better - the longer you leave it the harder it gets.

There's so much great support and fantastic wisdom here Daisy
you'll be ok

D
Thank you Dee. You are right. I suppose it is a great deal scarier facing almost certain horrific illness, incarceration or death from drinking and that is directly where i am headed. I know this. I am intrinsically aware of it.

I am so tired of being out of control. I am so tired of waking up feeling horrified by something stupid and/or careless the night before and spending the day shaking with humilation and shame. THIS IS HOW I HAVE SPENT ALMOST 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE! How pathetic is that? All I do is get up, go to work, come home, fix dinner, DRINK, drunk dial, drunk post on facebook, drunk text, trip, fall down, annoy my husband until i finally just pass out. Just to wake up and do it all over again.

It is the hours between 7 pm and 10 pm that are the most difficult. Just three little hours out of a 24 hour day that completely unhinge me.
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:57 PM
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If I can turn things around, you can Daisy

D
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Old 06-10-2014, 03:59 PM
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"In patients with alcoholic liver disease throwing up blood can be a
catastrophic event that may lead to death from excessive bleeding
within a few hours. The most common cause of throwing up blood
in all patients is bleeding ulcer. In alcoholics, throwing up blood
can be from esophageal varices. Alcoholics can also develop
tears in their food pipe that can result in vomiting blood."

I know dizzyness can be another main factor on serious or not so serious.

Just please read, Daisy

/worried about you
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
"In patients with alcoholic liver disease throwing up blood can be a
catastrophic event that may lead to death from excessive bleeding
within a few hours. The most common cause of throwing up blood
in all patients is bleeding ulcer. In alcoholics, throwing up blood
can be from esophageal varices. Alcoholics can also develop
tears in their food pipe that can result in vomiting blood."

I know dizzyness can be another main factor on serious or not so serious.


/worried about you
Thank you. I read this earlier today. I have another older friend who has the alcoholic varices and he is very, very sick. One of his first symptoms was throwing up blood.
You know there was a time not that long ago that I never thougth it would get to this point. I didn't think I was "that bad". I thought my drinking habits were "practically normal". You never know how bad off you really are getting until your own body starts to reject the abuse you are putting it through.

I am scared. There is not much they can do for varices, really. It's usually a late stage type of problem. Thank you for your concern.
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Taking5 View Post
Please don't ever mix alcohol with a benzo or opiate/opiod. That is madness.

Go to urgent care. Post back and let us know how you are doing.
I know. The last time I mixed the Xanax and alcohol was around 2008. i have a vague memory of threatening a neighbor via text message because I became convinced she was after my husband. The person who sent those texts was not me, could not have been me, it sounded liek someone deranged and psycho. That WAS me on the Xanax and alcohol. I most certainly would have od'd had i continued that habit but for some strange reason I was just able to stop that, thank God.
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:11 PM
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good luck to you. Please update.

I always get sucked in by a certain friend too. It's my problem, though. I could easily say no and end up going. That's what started me off on this latest seven days.
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Daisyforever View Post
Thank you. I read this earlier today. I have another older friend who has the alcoholic varices and he is very, very sick. One of his first symptoms was throwing up blood.
You know there was a time not that long ago that I never thougth it would get to this point. I didn't think I was "that bad". I thought my drinking habits were "practically normal". You never know how bad off you really are getting until your own body starts to reject the abuse you are putting it through.

I am scared. There is not much they can do for varices, really. It's usually a late stage type of problem. Thank you for your concern.
It's worth mentioning that the problem could be a lot less serious as well...but again you won't know until you let a Dr give you the once over

D
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Daisyforever View Post
Thank you. I read this earlier today. I have another older friend who has the alcoholic varices and he is very, very sick. One of his first symptoms was throwing up blood.
You know there was a time not that long ago that I never thougth it would get to this point. I didn't think I was "that bad". I thought my drinking habits were "practically normal". You never know how bad off you really are getting until your own body starts to reject the abuse you are putting it through.

I am scared. There is not much they can do for varices, really. It's usually a late stage type of problem. Thank you for your concern.
Daisy, my Mother, rest her soul had her varices cauterized twice, she was alright after that and lived many more years after she didn't care to drink anymore. She passed away from something else. I wish you well.
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:18 PM
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absolutely - a lot of stress can come from knowledge of basic med stuff.
Just cause it could be something, surely doesn't mean it will be.
Yer doctor or the ER will rule out anything major.
I was just trying to be all sneaky like and get you to go to hospital, Daisy

xoxoxox
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Old 06-10-2014, 04:26 PM
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You guys are good people. Thank you for taking the time out to offer words of encouragement for a person you don't even know. There aren't a lot of people who know how bad it's gotten. I know there are many who suspect something is very off, but few really know the full reality. There was a time I was overwhelmed with shame at the thought of someone uncovering my secret or outing the "elephant in the room",but the situation has become so critical that I really don't feel ashamed if people know. It's not nearly as bad as doing and saying nothing and then really blowing it someday in a way that can't be avoided or pushed under a rug.

I have to leave for the day. I do know I won't be drinking tonight. I will keep you all posted. Thanks again for the support.

Daisy
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