I hate being an alcoholic
 

As I'm driving to work, in wondering how I'm even up and functional. My body hurts in different places and don't even know why. My hubby wasn't home last night but I still managed to drink 8 beers. So now I'm realizing I only have myself to blame. Why did I need beer? I don't get it. I struggle every morning to get out of bed and I don't take the time to get ready for work so my appearance suffers. I want so badly to not drink today. But usually by 5 I feel better and repeat cycle.

If you hate it, why do you continue to torture yourself?

Come with a plan to quit. And stick to it. Just make that commitment to yourself that you want to stop this. It's not going to get better all by itself. It's something YOU have to do.

when 5pm rolls around, try to remember how you felt this morning. Like, really put yourself back in that mental anguish and physical pain you are talking about right now...and tell yourself...if you drink again, this is exactly what tomorrow will be like allllll over again.
it's a scary, vicious cycle, that's for damn sure!
Good luck!

Keep busy and drink lots of really cold water x

Feels great not feeling grotty.
Go on make a plan.

yep. we've all been there.

here's something to think about today as you reflect;

you can continue to suffer this madness and watch it spiral and endure COUNTLESS more mornings like this...

or

You can choose to face a short period of challenge to stop the merry-go-round and find, on the other side, a glorious and far better way of living.

You may even find yourself posting "I'm Grateful I'm an alcoholic" one day in the near future.... because of the beauty in life alcoholism has led you to.... in giving up alcohol entirely and welcoming a better life.

That is classic, sounds like you're one of us. The good news is there's tons of help here and if you're willing to try a few suggestions, you can stop living like that.

Good Luck, keep coming back here!

Hi Jillian...I guess that's when I had to face that I had a problem. Despite my resolve not to drink in the morning, without fail my feet would be one in front of the other back to the liquor store when home time came.

I tried to have one day sober for probably 2 years.

One day I woke up and decided calling in sick yet again was just one last humiliation.

its good yer seeing what alcohol is doin to ya. it reads like yer in a pretty bad place now.
as coraltint mentioned, yer gonna have to be willing to take suggestions from people, which theres a LOT of people here that have been in yur shoes and have overcome the drink problem. but it hasn't happened by repeating the same viscious cycle. there has been the necessity for change, but without willingness, it doesn't do much good.

so are ya willing to to take some suggestions? willing to do whatever it takes to stop drinking?
for me, getting sober was the hardest thing I ever did. I don't say that to scare you, but the truth is I was at the point of desperation- the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality and if felt that if I took another drink I would kill myself. I would not like to see you go that far down.
yes, it was hard for me to get sober, but worth every single second of the fight.
staying sober has been pretty easy. however, my thinking got me to the point of desperation so it wasn't gonna help me. I had to use other peoples thinkin- people that had been in my shoes at one time.
sobriety has been a blessing and a pretty wild journey! nope, not always sunshine and blue skies, but I don't want to drink!.
ive had a LOT of fun in sobriety. done things I never thought I would or could.
I still remember my 1st concert sober- Crosby,stills, and nash. all them years of attending concerts high and drunk and there I was in awe.
did you know not everyone that goes to concerts gets high and/or drunk???( especially at an old hippie concert!) theres actually people that attend concerts stone cold sober!!!
and it was awesome!!
sending out some prayers for strength and courage for ya, Jillain!

I call it the vicious cycle. I used to wake up throwing up while I brushed my teeth swearing I would not drink anymore. 5pm rolled around and a glass of wine made me feel fine again and there I was in that circle I was dying to get out of but kept jumping in. It took me a long time to get tired of the circle, tired of the guilt and tired of the pain. Jumping out of the circle was one of the hardest but one of the most rewarding thinngs I have ever done.

Hi Jillian! Boy do I know that cycle! I had a lot of other circumstances that helped me finally say I can't do this. The fact that you are here and you posted says you are facing breaking the cycle. Don't drink today. Try it, see how it feels....most likely you will be uncomfortable, physically and mentally, let this discomfort be your wake up call! Think about your body and what is happening and try to heal yourself inside and out! Keep posting!

Thanks everyone for the support!

Kate, why really cold water?

Tom, yes I am up for suggestions! Absolutely! And Crosby, Stills, Nash sounds like it was awesome.

Rinse and repeat gets tiresome after a while.

When I was old enough i recognised the cycle.

Change is possible

Jillian, add me to your long list of supporters! I know exactly, and I mean exactly, how you feel today.

Here is the good news: this can be the last time you feel this way! You just have to deal with today. What plans can you make for this evening, 5 pm, when you would normally drink? Can you have an early dinner? Often eating a meal will help with cravings. Can you go to a movie? Engage in something that will distract you for a couple of hours? Can you just go to bed early? However you get through the day, if you get through it sober, it is a victory.

You can do it!

I hated being an alcoholic as well.
But, I love having "recovering" in front of that word these days. :)

I think maybe an early dinner, movie with my son, early bedtime is what I'll do!!

So, make a change and do things differently today.

Drive home with no stops, take a different route, go to the gym, do whatever it takes to get through the day.

You can do this.

Hey Jillian,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. That was my yesterday. I had some friends in town and partied all weekend. Sunday came along and I drank more starting in the morning. Man that was terrible. Got to work in the morning and I couldn't function. I'm feeling so remorseful and totally understand what you're going through. There is a better life for us. : )

Garrison

I completely relate to your post only my cycle is every 3 days. It's not your fault. It's your body. Our bodies are addicted to alcohol & think they need it to function. I have found in the past that if I can just make it over the hump (usually about 30 days), my cravings lesson, my brain starts to clear & I start to feel better. The most important thing to remember is there are 99 things you CAN do and 1 thing you can't...drink. Hang in there! Just remember....you never have to feel like this again! I look at alcohol as poison b/c to me it is. Good luck! Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

All that is required of you today, is to get thru today without having a drink. That's it. Don't make it complicated and don't think too far ahead. Just get thru today.

Then when tomorrow comes, repeat.