Almost but didn't
 

It was Saturday and my very bipolar self started to get depressed think about the things my addictions have caused me. I meandered around the house like a crazy person back and forth just want to stop myself in thought.

Finally, after hours of thinking, I decided I have to drink, I need to drink, I deserve a drink. I am a adult man, who can make his own decisions, and I will drink if I want.

I walked to the local market, pulled out all the pennies and nickels and dimes I scavenged the house for, I was poised to deny all those myself included that said I could handle the drink.

I bought my beverage of choice and started to walk home, proud of myself almost, knowing within minutes I was going to turn the world off and prove that I could handle the alcohol.

I got home, thought and thought and thought about. I had a staring contest with the can, I told it I could control it, you can't control me. But then........ I realized my AV was trying to take over. I remembered the night I woke up covered in blood in some random field, I remembered not being able to remember losing all my money gambling drunk, I remembered I told myself this time I wasn't going to drink, I remembered my family. Finally, I remembered the old me, the sober me!

After much consternation, pondering, crying, and challenging the AV side of me.... I did it, I methodically marched to the sink can in hand, and told it... maybe one day, but my dear friend not today. NOT TODAY as I poured it down the drain. I faced my biggest enemy and won, I suppose this is going to be one of many battles but for now TDG 1 - alcohol 0

Day 8, just thought I was share my Saturday night, wish me luck. Thanks

That's fantastic!! I'm really proud of you :)

Ditto!

Way to go TDG :)

D

That's awesome, TDG!

Now, if we can convince you to reach out before you buy.

It was very strong of you to pour it out. I'm glad you didn't give in.

:hug:

Way to go TGD! You won an important battle tonight...be proud and restock the arsenal for the next time. The next time might not be as hard...I found each battle with the AV got less fierce over time.

This day is yours...you own it, and you earned it! Congrats!!!!!!

Wow, I could have never done that, holy cow you are really brave and solid!

Personally I could never do that. I just stay the hell away from any booze because I know if I buy, I'm locking myself up and drinking to oblivion.

Woohoo! That's awesome! Sooooo proud of you!

Wow! That's awesome. Good for you!!!

You met the enemy and he is yours! Good job!

How very empowering! You win! Very well done - sounds like something has 'clicked' in your brain about this :)

that takes an incredible amount of strength to pour it out. You should be very proud of yourself for be able to do that TDG! High five buddy!

Well done delivery guy

Having bipolar myself and BPD I can relate to what your going through

sometimes the mental health and the AV alcohol voice as its called on here seem to be friends sometimes....they seem to feed off each other ....

I often wonder do I crave a drink because I'm an alcoholic or do I crave a drink because of my mental illness ? I have often tried to drink sensibly , the voices say I deserve it so I go and buy some only to be back in that black pit again....and then I feel worse for relapsing and on it goes

I'm so proud of you for fighting through that battle in your mind and for pouring it down the sink well done , no doubt you will have felt exhausted afterwards , exhausted yet relived all at once

Keep at it, I think that those of us with mental health have a much harder time than those who just have depression caused by the alcohol alone ...to us its like what came first the mental health or the alcohol ? of course its the mental health that caused us to self medicate through the drink in the first place but sadly whilst doing this we made ourselves hopeless addicts....

well done
hugs from the lake district united kingdom