isitme

Not sure of anything anymore. I have times when I really think yep, I’m an alcoholic and of course that familiar voice stands up and tells you you’re not. Then there are the stories..so many stories, so many comparisons twisting and pulling your mind from one side to the next. "You're not as bad as so and so." or “Of course you think you’re drinking is a problem isitme, you’re surrounded by alcoholics.” My mother, my biological father, his father, my boss, my co-workers, even my partner. That’s where I freak. Maybe I don’t have a problem but I sure don’t want one. I sure see the difference in my friends and family members that have found sobriety. I want what they have, but I also what I still have. Why is it that drinking feels like freedom?

The thing that really scares me the most of about giving it up, is not so much the forever or the holidays or any of those things. In some ways I’m confident I can make it. I can visualize having a good time without it. The part I’m not confident about is.. how I can quit while living with and active alcoholic? Has anyone does this and kept their relationship in tact?

I used to put so much of the blame on him for the trouble in our relationship and sometimes I still do. I know there are things we have problems with that are beyond the alcohol, but I just can’t comprehend how I could stay sober in this household?

Last week or so, I went 6 days pretty easily. But of course the weekend came. The family came, the party started. More people showed up. I can’t do this. I don’t want these people here. Sure, they are family, but why? Why do they all have to be here? Why do we have to fund the party? The BBQ? I don’t want to live in the party house. I want something more. I want that confidence and serenity I see in the people who've found recovery.

Is it possible? Can one quite drinking living in a house with an active alcoholic? How does that look? How do you start to form the boundaries?

ScottFromWI

Yes, it's possible to quit with others drinking around you. Not easy, but definitely possible.

The first step is accepting the problem exists...sounds like you are sort of there maybe? Nothing else can happen until that does though - if you have any doubt that you might still drink again you will talk yourself into it.

Regarding boundaries, those have to be set. First off make time for your recovery. If yiou decide to do meetings, block the time off. You can ask the others around you to refrain from drinking in your presence...they might not comply but you can ask.

The biggest decision is what your plan to get sober is after you've accepted it. If you live around drinking, AA/NA might be a great choice so you can get away from those who might be drinking for your initial recovery at least.

Chicko

I truly understand where you are coming from. Everyone around me drinks too my family and including my fiancé. I also have serious concerns if we will have much in common now that I've made this descision to stop drinking completely. It's scary but you need to take care of you first! Maybe your partner will join you

Thepatman

I would not be able to handle a party house personally.

I can handle sobriety, heck probably could attend a party somewhere with an early exit plan. But I'm single and now live in my sober house. If I meet someone special, she better not have a drinking problem or it will end quick.

I want a sober life and that includes my friends (need to work on that).

The family drinks like I used to so they are out of my life for now. They are welcome to join me for coffee but no booze enters this house until I have solid legs to stand on.

isitme

Thanks

I certainly did some thinking about it last night and talked some about it this morning to my Mom who's been about a year sober. I was also just reading the "is it binary" thread which seems to follow my same line of thinking. I'm not so sure the real division line matters that much between is it a problem, a serious problem or not a problem, but that I can see there is nothing to lose from losing the drink. That my life can only get better.

Chicko said it exactly right... how much will we really have in common if I quit? What will be the glue that holds us together? I tend let little snide remarks really get to me. I try not to take it personal, but on some level it really bothers me. In the past when I've tried to live a healthier life, whether by eating right or not drinking, I let those little words seep into me just like the drink. "Oh, I forgot, your miss sobriety.." It really makes you question if they are really on your side..