MrBen

So the other night I was out at a pub, not drinking of course but I made an appearance as it was my friends birthday and I wanted to give him his gift and hang out for a while. I initially thought it was daunting, but once I got there and saw the state people were in, it actually reaffirmed my sobriety. Anyway, I was drinking my diet coke and I got talking to a friend of a friend, called Mike. He asked me why I wasn't drinking and I replied "well I've always been an overachiever, so I got all my drinking out the way in my early twenties".

He stopped and said point blank" so you're an alcoholic?". I was actually a little stunned. Nobody has ever actually said it to me. I've said it to myself, in my mind, but I've never heard it vocalised. Anyway, I told him yes I was, and I can't drink.

He told me he is also an alcoholic, with a pint in his hand. He told me he tried to be a teetotaler and failed, he would miss drinking too much and would go on a bender. So he decides how much he will drink, drinks once a week and never goes over, that is how he has recovered.

I've known him for a couple of years and what he says seems to be true, I've only ever seen him drinking on saturdays and he never drinks much.

Now, I would not be able to do this. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking I can have a beer and everything will be ok. It wont. My mind doesn't work that way. I don't think many alcoholics can work that way.

I've always thought the answer to the title question was an obvious "no".

Now I'm thinking that for some people, drinking within set limits, works for them. It might be rare, but perhaps for Mike giving in just a little is easier on his willpower than never drinking again.

So, what are your thoughts on this? Possible? Or is Mike doomed to failure?

Dee74

All I can tell you is each time I tried that,*I* was doomed for failure.

D

ReadyAtLast

I wouldn't be able to do that and I wouldn't want to do that. Once I start I want to continue.To decide when I'm drinking, how much I'm drinking, what I'm drinking-the planning,control etc is not for me and requires far too much effort. It's easier just not to drink at all, ever. Though it's not my business I would query how he feels he is recovered. Having to drink,even just once a week is definitely not recovery imo.Not necessarilydoomed to failure-maybe he can do this but it requires too much effort and control for me and always a possibility of escalation

Don't listen too much to what others say to you.You know what's best for you.

MrBen

My thought process on the matter is psychologically people have addictive personalities because they lack the ability to accept delayed gratification. So someone (like me) with this personality would find it exceptionally difficult to think "well I've had one, I'll go home now, I can enjoy a beer some other time", because I don't want to wait for the feeling I am trying to achieve.

If he has an addictive personality, he will also have this problem. All I can say is that what he is doing must require a near superhuman level of willpower.

Cowgirlie

What an interesting thread!
I actually hope to achieve this and do think it is possible, but perhaps depended 'how far gone' you are as an alcoholic to start with. I slid from weekend binge-drinking to nightly heavy drinking and am intervening now to stop the progression anymore. I was bad with my drinking (hey, feels nice to say that past tense!!) but not blacking out or vomiting, drinking in the day or violent... 'just' having too much, too often to the point that habit was taking over me. I still don't know if I am a 'true' alcoholic so I'm hoping to be able to enjoy 1 sociable glass of wine on special occasions in the future and think (perhaps naively?) that I can do this, IF I stay sober a long dry spell first and maintain my mental outlook on the whole thing to change my thinking. I know from pregnancy that I CAN moderate to 1 glass of spritzer every other week with dinner... but then again I knew that was a temporary situation and was not doing it for myself. Remarkable self control your friend has! And it sounds like it is working for him, if he is being honest. Maybe he wasn't THAT far gone to start, 'just' a heavy drinker? Dunno - but I liked your over-achiever comment lol x

Ruby2

To throw a fox in the henhouse, maybe he isn't an alcoholic and was a heavy problem drinker who decided to rein it in. He labeled himself an alcoholic but maybe he isn't? I know that I am because once I have one I have the compulsion to keep going without stopping. I could never go back to moderate drinking. I've tried numerous times and the results were always the same. Bad. Sober is better for me.

MrBen

I guess not all alcoholics have addictive personalities, as odd as that sounds. I've known people at university drink like lunatics for three years, then when they need to get a job completely curb it to responsible levels, with apparently very little difficulty.

Perhaps he is a circumstantial alcoholic, so to speak. He could have drank out of habit and let it get out of control, but generally doesn't struggle with an addictive personality.

Would he then be really considered an "alcoholic" or simply "a man who drank too much for a time"? If it is the latter then I can understand how this lifestyle can work for him, however a still believe that a person with an addictive personality cannot have a little of something without needing more.

Chilledice

I think some alcoholics can indeed drink within moderation, I am a FIRM believer that it is all in the mind! Training your thoughts and reactions etc, However with that being said I am so early into sobriety that right now it would be dangerous for me to attempt moderation! Who knows what the future holds tho. Everyone is different on their journey in this life

MrBen

Brilliant post, articulated my thoughts exactly =)

MandalayVA

I don't think it's that rare. When I was younger, particularly in college, I knew a lot of people whose alcohol consumption made me look like a teetotaler. I remember in my sophomore year having an eight a.m. marketing class. Pretty much everyone either had a bottle of soda or orange juice, of which they'd drunk half and filled it back up with rum or vodka. If the person was a coffee drinker, it was Kahlua. However once they were out of school--usually when they got married and started families--they either stopped drinking or cut way back.

If you know that if you start drinking alcohol you can't stop then it's definitely best to stay away from it completely. I think all of us have done experiments at one time or another--"I'll only drink beer." "I won't drink at home," etc. Most of the time it fails ... but it can't be denied that sometimes it works. Everyone's different.

Django

It's a no from me but were all different I suppose.But once I have my first sip I could bet my I'll be smashed there after and very much more than likely be drinking as soon as I'm up the next day.Good luck to mike though and if he manages it then well done I suppose.

Ken33xx

I really don't know.

If Mike can keep his drinking under control my hat goes off to him.

Me?

I prefer not to take that chance. I never could control my drinking and doubt I could start now.

MrBen

Having thought a little more. I'm not sure I would consider anybody who can be a responsible drinker an alcoholic. I don't define alcoholism as the amount you drink rather a state of mind: you cannot control your drinking.

Gonnachange

Great question. I think it comes down to the individual. Personally, I'm about a week into attempting to heavily moderate my consumption so I'm performing a real life experiment.

Chilledice

Some people believe alcoholism can be reversed, that its all a state of mind and that you can change your thinking and behaviour etc, it is a very interesting topic indeed.

MrBen

Let me know how this goes. I'm interested in the psychology of this. For example, when I was younger I drank very moderately and never had an issue. After various life traumas I feel I developed an addictive personality, or rather brought to the brim one which was beneath the surface. Either way, I wonder whether it is possible to unlearn an addictive personality, so to speak.

resolute50

I tried moderating in 08 and it took me 5 years to climb out of the bottle.
No thanks,I learned my lesson.

Confuzd

The Big Book of AA mentions that many alcoholics have periods where they can control their drinking, followed by periods where they have less control than ever before. I know this was true for me. If in fact he is able to control it for any length of time, hats off to him. I know I would not be able to control my drinking for any length of time.

Gonnachange

I'm chronicling in a thread entitled So It Begins. I joined here last week, had four good days and stubbed my toe last night. Back at it today.

CAPTAINZING2000

I've worked with people over the years that were alcoholic and never had the consequences that many drinkers do.

If, I were able to drink and not get into any run ins with the law, I'd still be drinking.
It took what it took to get me sober. I'm glad for that now. Going through life being self centered and only thinking of myself wasn't leading me to any sort of happiness