why me?
 

This is not a pity party. I had a REALLY rough 6th day. So bad I feel nauseous and lightheaded. I have been doing so well, I mean positive and WELL. I went to work tonight, (restaurants/bar work), and for the first time in months they are having a vodka and beer tasting. All employees belly up to bar, I said I wasn't drinking which got the shocked reaction and "peer pressure" rolling. I did it though. I didn't "sample", I didn't go out after work with everyone and I came home to talk to my husband. He is so proud and so am I, but why am I on the verge of crying and screaming? Why can't I be one of those casual drinkers? Why do I have this "affliction"? Why do I have to struggle to not go over the edge and drink? Sorry, I am having a huge negative night. I have no intention of drinking, that's not the issue. I guess the issue is this whole night I feel like a problem, like the problem, like I am not "normal" and I will have to now to live with that label for the rest of my life. Sorry, just a really bad night:( feels better to get some of that out....

whatcouldbe - nice name.. as in how bright the future could be if you overcome your drinking problem? That is what it makes me think of.

I don't think there is any answer to the question "Why" are you an alcoholic. In fact, I am quite confident there is no answer :D The fact is, those with this "affliction" (you and me and a LOT of other people, many brilliant, beautiful, interesting, etc., etc.) would do well to stop asking why and accept the situation ASAP, and then we can find out "what could be".

Congrats on making it through the day. You helped me out.

Well done on being strong and sticking to your recovery, WCB. Proud of you !

We are as "normal" as everyone else, except we are special in that we don't need booze to have a good time. Sounds a bit contradictory, but that's the way I like to look at it.

Congratulations, and maybe instead of questioning yourself, pat yourself on the back?

All the best,
Bruce.

7 days ago you were a drinker.

It takes a little time to get used to not being one....and that addicted part of you will have tantrums for a while.

Focus on what bought you here to SR and who you want to be whatcouldbe :)

D

It DOES get easier right?!?

Focus on what you can bring to others. That is why I am here. I feel my sobriety has become stagnant. The couple guys who have asked me to sponsor them were unresponsive shortly after asking me for help. I have been searching for a way to be more helpful, and I thought about this forum which I have browsed as a non-member at times over the past few months.

Why can't I do 12th Step work on the Internet? Why wouldn't that be a valid way to grow, for myself? These are real people in recovery, so if I look to be helpful here then it must have a positive effect.

If you begin to apply these principles in your life, it will get easier. You have my money-back guarantee! EXPERIMENT with trying out this new way of life. Are you going to meetings?

The place would be empty if it didn't get easier :D

I used to drink all day everyday - now I never think about it except in an SR context.

It really will get easier whatcouldbe :)

D

Before you know it! :) .

Just give your body time to heal and be gentle with yourself, you've earned it.

It does get easier. I wanted to kick things and break things at first. I asked myself "why me" a lot too. And then someone said "why not me?" We never ask ourselves why me when something good happens to us. We always ask ourselves that when something bad happens. Or when something sets us apart. I wear glasses. I'm practically blind without them. I don't ask myself why me, or at least haven't in a long time. I just do the best, readjust my prescription when needed and get on with it.

I'm glad you posted your question because it made me think of the glasses analogy and made me realize that if I apply that to my own sobriety I will be just fine. It is what it is. Hang in there. I am sorry you are having a rough time with it tonight. You did well and with practice it gets easier.

Thank you for sharing! Your words ring so true to me (and I'm sure many many others reading this now). Why were we chosen to battle alcoholism while others can just have a couple drinks and switch to water?? It just doesn't seem fair...I believe this thinking is pretty common in newcomers (as I am one myself).

Remind yourself that you are stronger than you think (peer pressure can't break you :-) I got tired of explaining to people why I wasn't drinking...I found that many responses were encouraging me drink ("Oh c'mon, you can have just one!") So now I just say that my dr put me on a new medication and it interacts with alcohol. It's a little white lie that saves me from dealing with ignorant people.

Enjoy your Sober weekend!

Why me ?
I always think , Why not me ?

Keep on , it gets better with time ,

Bestwishes, m

It will get easier and you did terrific!!!

I am new here, and don't know you, but just reading your post made me so proud of you! I know how hard that was, and you are so strong! I also know the part after, of just feeling down about yourself, but you shouldn't be. You did a very courageous thing by turning it down, and sticking to what you said/meant.

Congrats to you, and positive thoughts being sent your way!

It's hard to do restaurant/bar work and stay sober. Remember.. some of those people who tasted that alcohol are not "normal drinkers" at all. They might be good at hiding.

You did great. Focus on the next thing you have to do. Take that focus off what happened to you. What are you doing today?

p.s I don't actually think drinking alcohol in any quantity is normal. I think it is very strange.It is a poison that people willingly drink. I gave up smoking several years ago and pretty soon I realised it was a cocktail of poisonous chemicals I had been taking in to my body. I am starting to feel that way about alcohol.

Good luck. It sounds like you have a lot of lovely life ahead of you. I have 35 years of drinking behind me. Don't leave it that long. It is progressive. It is dangerous.

:c011: for getting through the evening.

Dee hit it on the head, whatcouldbe. You're making a huge adjustment, and not all of you is happy about the change. Your 'Addictive Voice' (or AV) is used to getting its way, and it will throw some tantrums until it realized you won't give in. The AV is like an angry two year old, and it isn't going to act reasonably.

Remember why you decided you had to quit. Think of 'what could be' if you stay the course!:grouphug:

katiemay01, I replied to your post elsewhere but I wanted to know it's good to have you with us. Recovery can be difficult but it's soooo worth it!

whatcouldbe, hi and fantastic that you didn't drink at work when the opportunity arose.
It really does get better but if like me you want to run before you can walk, don't or you may stumble and fall.
One day, one baby step at a time. You will be stronger and life will have more clarity. I thought I was functioning fine I between drinking or at work but now I realise my head was fogged up. It's great when the fog lifts but life's not perfect. I picked a drink up when there was a problem.
Now I have to deal with life without booze. But it is all worth it.
Hang on in there.

One word: Acceptance.
Once you accept the fact you can not drink like other people, the road to recovery starts.

It gets easier and so much better.
Recovery is a bit like breaking in a rebellious and dangerous horse.
Scary and painful at first.
But if you do it right, you can trust it and it will carry you many steady miles in the future.....
Yours is kicking back right now but keep at it!
G:)

You are extremely helpful! Not sure how the twelve steps really work, but for what it's worth you were helpful!