Hevyn

Welcome imamistake. I think it will really help you to be with us - glad you joined.

I know what you mean about the lost days. (I'm still not sure what happened to my 40's.) Time stands still when we're in that state - and we're lucky to come out of it alive. At the end of my drinking career, every time it got in my system it led to danger. It was actually a relief to be free of it. You can do this!

Anewbeginning

The anxiety is very strong right now.

My husband came home from work and went straight up to bed.

I still haven't drinken any alcohol. Its so difficult because that is what I've always used to cope in the past. It was what I'd go to in order to soften the blow of the stupid stuff I've done in the past.

I'm freaking out about my health. I know I shouldn't post this here but I'm seriously worrying that I caught something. It was unprotected. Im such an idiot! Please no judgements, I am already beating myself up

Can't stop ruminating about this. Its an endless loop in my head and it's like my thoughts go in circles. Have to find relief from this.

Anewbeginning

Thanks for all the replies...

NewWonder

You are human. You are worthy. You may have made some mistakes, as we all have, but you have done many things well, even exceptional. You had the courage to seek out help on this site. You revealed your pain and addiction. You took the first step. You will find support and acceptance here. Youareawesome .

flossyfressia

Nobody will judge you here. Xx

resolute50

Glad you recognized the cycle that can happen when one drinks to forget what we did while drunk.
I was in that vicious cycle as well.
If there's no more drinking, there's no more bad things that drinking causes to try and forget.
Break that cycle.

Hevyn

Hope you are doing ok today imamistake. We're thinking of you.

SoberLeigh

Good morning, Imam, how are you this morning. Don't forget; we are here for you.

Anewbeginning

This website is my lifeline right now. Woke up to go to the bank and I still haven't gotten my appetite back. Really fighting the urge to buy alcohol because of my lack of appetite. I think it was the coke that caused it because it seemed to really mess me up, physically mentally and emotionally.

Last night I had nightmares and woke up in cold sweats. Feeling crappy all around but im doing my best to resist

Hawkeye13

Have you thought about getting some external support ASAP?

It's very hard to stop with just willpower.
What about some therapy, outpatient help, or an AA or Rational Recovery meeting?

Anewbeginning

If it's not already taken as a user name, can I somehow change my name to "Mynewbeginning".

Thanks in advance and sorry for the trouble.

Supersonic

Many of us have reached the same point and understand how you are feeling right now. Your life and wellbeing will improve considerably if you choose to stay sober. Keep reading and posting, it will get you through the most difficult days.

Anewbeginning

Ive thought about AA. Ive gone to meetings in this city in the past. This is such a small town
I have to go back and I will but the embarassment is really going to be rough. Theyll realize how much I messed up. I feel like because I'm very young I wasn't taken seriously in tg he past. Or maybe I just used that as an excuse to stop going. I felt like, I'm not addicted like these people. And thats obviously not the case

I went last year for a couple of weeks and then I stupidly thought I wasn't an alcoholic and stopped going. The short time that I had quit and started up again is when things started getting worse.

Its true what they say that when you quit and start drinking again, you pick up right where you left off.

I am about to drive home from the bank now. No pit stops.

Anewbeginning

^ Ugh sorry, I edited my initial post and didn't realize I was being kind of redundant.

SoberLeigh

Good to hear from you, Imam. Stick with us; we are here for you.

I think that you need to PM either Anna or MorningGlory to change your user name. ( I like your idea for your new name; it sounds hopeful and you should be as you have your whole wonderful life ahead of you.). Click on "User CP" at the top of the page and then select "Private Message" and then select "Send Message" and compose a message to either Anna or MorningGlory.

I don't use AA but have absolutely nothing against it; I have a friend who credits AA with not only his sobriety but with saving his life when he was about 30. Maybe give it a try; face to face support may really help in this fragile stage. You could just go and listen until you feel more comfortable.

And keep posting anytime (especially if you are feeling triggered) on SR; it is 24/7.

resolute50

One of the administrators can change your user name.
Glad you're hanging out with the good folks of SR.

Verte

Hey MyNewBeginning

Yes! I'm in my second month of sober-ness and love spending time on SR. Every day changes. Today is today and will not be tomorrow. Every day I learn more about myself and love to share, read and learn on SR.

Please stick around and lean on us all for support. Everyone is really good at it...I will attest.

Stay logged in if you can. SR is a sobriety and sanity tether/maintainer.

You are not alone. Not at all.

Hugs to you.

ScyllaCharybdis

Imam, how about "Imamiracle" as a new name. What you are doing now is the start of that miracle. The first few days are bad, everyone here knows that and has been there. But it gets better, a lot better. I'm 70 days today and never thought I could make it this far, I was so consumed by my addiction.

When you see the doc, why not ask about no/low cost rehab options.

And there is absolutely no "judging" on SR!

You are in my thoughts. Keep up the good work, one day at a time.

Anewbeginning

Well I was able to eat half a hamburger. And I hadn't eaten in almost three days so thats a plus.

I've been sleeping on and off all day. Still wake up clamy and with a sense of dread.

Going to message the moderator once I figure out how to do so. Thank you all so much for caring enough to reply.

SoberLeigh

We are solidly in your corner, Imam.

Glad you were able to eat something; be sure and stay well hydrated.