When Co-Dependency is a Good Thing
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When Co-Dependency is a Good Thing
When Co-Dependency is a Good Thing.
Can co-dependency ever be a good thing? I submit that there is one time it’s good indeed and that is when there is codependency between a recovering alcoholic and some group, AA or otherwise. Even for some, like me, who have had issues with some AA group’s views on the nature of a “Higher Power”, I may not have been able to achieve long term sobriety by myself, even with periodic counseling. When I was in a rehab, after a particularly troublesome relapse, the program included an exercise in which each of us was required to climb up on a platform six feet off the ground and fall off facing backwards, away from our fellow patients, who stood below ready to catch us. With some misgiving I fell and of course they were there to catch me. Despite the possible risk of a mishap this was a powerful insight into the leap of faith involved in “turning it over” to the group. As one of us told me, “We’re going to do this and we’re going to do it together!” And we did. Maybe I’m sober today, after so many years, because of that. I needed my friends and they were there to help me.
W
Can co-dependency ever be a good thing? I submit that there is one time it’s good indeed and that is when there is codependency between a recovering alcoholic and some group, AA or otherwise. Even for some, like me, who have had issues with some AA group’s views on the nature of a “Higher Power”, I may not have been able to achieve long term sobriety by myself, even with periodic counseling. When I was in a rehab, after a particularly troublesome relapse, the program included an exercise in which each of us was required to climb up on a platform six feet off the ground and fall off facing backwards, away from our fellow patients, who stood below ready to catch us. With some misgiving I fell and of course they were there to catch me. Despite the possible risk of a mishap this was a powerful insight into the leap of faith involved in “turning it over” to the group. As one of us told me, “We’re going to do this and we’re going to do it together!” And we did. Maybe I’m sober today, after so many years, because of that. I needed my friends and they were there to help me.
W
Last edited by wpainterw; 06-06-2014 at 10:38 AM. Reason: Title needed revision
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Hello wpainterw,
As a "recovered" codependent myself, I definitely would simply call that support. I am here to support and encourage, but if I become emmeshed into the recovery of someone else, or feel I have to control someone else and their decisions, I become codependent.
Everyone needs and deserves a support system. That sounds like a really neat exercise you did, what a great way of never forgetting your support system! Even though I am not an addict, I too need a support system, as every human needs and deserves. That is what keeps us well!
Have a great weekend!
As a "recovered" codependent myself, I definitely would simply call that support. I am here to support and encourage, but if I become emmeshed into the recovery of someone else, or feel I have to control someone else and their decisions, I become codependent.
Everyone needs and deserves a support system. That sounds like a really neat exercise you did, what a great way of never forgetting your support system! Even though I am not an addict, I too need a support system, as every human needs and deserves. That is what keeps us well!
Have a great weekend!
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I really like the positive spin you've given the word Bill, but I think something like interconnectivity would perhaps be a better fit for what you're expressing? 
The established definition of co-dependency is something quite different.
i f you haven't read Beattie's book I recommend it
D
The established definition of co-dependency is something quite different.
“Ever since people first existed, they have been doing all the things we label "codependent." They have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn't help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting people's feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn't have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn't believe they deserved silk.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
D
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As Shakespeare said, "What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet!" I firmly believe that a person benefits from support from a group and that the group benefits from helping that person. Their mutual recovery may depend on that.
If i have irritated anyone I shall withdraw the thread.
W.
If i have irritated anyone I shall withdraw the thread.
W.
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