Alphabet

It got better before it got worse.

Drinking while out is not usually where the problem lies for me. It's drinking at home. We've made a rule that no alcohol is allowed in the house, though this is a problem when touring bands stay over. A handle of whiskey was brought in and I'm sorry to say, I indulged. This has led to a two day binge that has my fiancé and I feuding (clearly).

On the one hand, yes, I need to take responsibility of my actions and my drinking. I have made the choices and I need to live with them.

On the other hand, I don't feel very supported. I'm a foster child, so family life is difficult. My fiancé is really all the family I have, and I can certainly respect that he's at a loss at this point; yet he's the one that keeps bringing alcohol into our home!

I don't know what to do. I was so happy sober. I feel like I can't stop.

Alphabet

He made a really great point this morning:

"I've never felt more betrayed in my life. I wish you were just cheating on me in private. Instead, you're f***ing alcohol right in front of my face every day"

That broke my heart.

FreeOwl

have you been clear with him on the support you need?

sorry to hear you're feeling unsupported and down in the dumps over drinking when you didn't want to.... that's a lousy feeling we all know all too well.

Nonsensical

There's a disconnect here somewhere.

FreeOwl

^true...

and also; that quote is horribly-manipulative and mean.

doggonecarl

You have us!

Support is great, but is it essential? Some, perhaps. A little of the right kind can go a long way. I think enforcing the "no alcohol" in the house rule is one that needs to be abided by.

And you may have to look at changes you need to make. Is living in a boarding house for partying bands the most conducive to your recovery?

Alphabet

I hear you, though this is a gross exaggeration of the situation here. My fiancé owns a large home and hosts touring bands here and there as he's also a member of a number of touring bands. In kind, he's been hosted in a number of places, and it's common place to do the same for friends (I also work in the music industry and can attest to this). This is not a common occurrence in our home.

Anna

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit alone. I sure remember that feeling too.

Maybe just focus on getting and staying sober and allow your fiancé to see the changes in you.

Alphabet

Thank you. It's been a very difficult week.

ScottFromWI

Have you considered group type meetings or counseling? Both can be very helpful if you have a lack of support in your immediate family. Of course there is also an entire community of people on your side here at SR as well.

Alphabet

Today is not day one. I did drink today.

But I'm ready to start my life over. I'm talking with an outpatient program and I'm getting back into school. I'm tired of being embarrassed on a daily basis, and even proud if not being drunk in the morning.

I love you all, thank you for the continued support

Dee74

Feel free to join the June thread Alphabet, or the 24 hour Recovery Connection thread - it's a great way to make a daily commitment to your recovery, Alphabet

I don't think there's ever too much support.

D