jessie65

I guess I depended too much on that instant gratification, just have a few drinks and my mood instantly changes. I sure miss that buzz. It's day (not even sure, not counting really because I'm just not drinking anymore), day 11 I think?

I miss those moments of euphoria. If I think way back I can remember joyous moments before drinking. Like the time a guy I was crushing on gave me a mischievous wink, lol. Maybe I miss my youth.
Of course my sweetest memories are when my kids were babies. I had euphoric moments being a new mom. How I loved those early years when I fell in love with my children...

I have so many good memories, I guess I've been reminiscing a lot, trying to remember what truly made me happy, before alcoholism & depression tore my world apart. I can't even remember what I used to do in the evening. I wasn't a daily drinker (in recent years) but it seems even when I'm Not drinking, I'm struggling Not to. What a mess I've made.
Sorry for babbling.

So, what do you all do to feel happy? What is your joy in life?

FreeOwl

simple things....

sunrises
sunsets
my daughters' laughter
the feeling of euphoria after a long run in the woods
time spent with my lady
throwing a ball for my dog
feeling the summer breeze on my sober face

a million things are out there... all the time.

flip it; don't wait for things to "make" you happy....

actively seek the joy in all things.

Nonsensical

Bacon Jam

FreeOwl

^^^omg!!!!

Give


me


baconjam!!!

doggonecarl

A couple days ago, in a reply to a post I made when I relapsed, one of the SR members quoted a reply I made to her about the subject of happiness. It sort of fits here.
My wife, my dogs, they make me happy. But not all the time. I am content now with not being happy all the time. It helps to put things in perspective. There are places in the world where people live in grinding hardship every day. I'm not. For that I'm grateful. Sometime grateful is better than happy.

jessie65

LOL Nonsensical. I actually do love eating! Too much some days actually.

I do love nature, and walking outside on a beautiful day. I love family time (although I have teens right now that bicker too much!!). I love spending time with my doggies and making them happy.

FeelingGreat

I miss the 'hit' of the first drink, but then I balance it against the huge improvements in my health and self-esteem and you couldn't drag me back to the old drinking days.
Give it some time Jessie; your AV is going to try and convince you to start drinking again with all sorts of plausible arguments.

360shoes

Hi Jessie,
You hit on something there I think. I noticed that all the things you mentioned where you had those euphoric feelings that didn't involve drinking were all things you really can't plan. Well you can plan the babies but I guess you can't exactly plan level of joy you described after having them.

That's kind of it for me. I find that joy reveals itself if I'm just not drunk and miss it. I can plan interesting things, I can plan new adventures. I just can't plan when the joy of the moment comes. And I've found it can come at the silliest moment over the simplist thing.

That's the nice thing about life. I don't have to plan joy. I just have to stay sober to see it.

I still have to plan stuff for adventure though. Sitting at home all the time hasn't really offered a lot of adventure. Peace, rest, comfort...yes. Adventure? Not so much. Lol. Just me.

Hey, great job on the 11 or however many days!

Verte

Carl...your post reminds me of a time in my life when I was zooming all over the place trying to find my happiness in life. Reading every book about how to find true happiness in life.

One night after having very serious discussions with friends I sat on the porch , rolled a cigarette, shared a beer discussing this very subject. Concluding similarly, "want to be happy". Little did I know that I was both close and far from there.

I had to figure out that I needed to first learn to sit still and then boot the substances.

This is a good, true start for me. 5 weeks-ish sober.

Every day is surprising in its happiness.

Great post for the day, Jessie. But Non, seriously? Your bacon Jam requires that I grab a tums.

IOAA2

Hi. As with many I’ve come to appreciate the little things about sobriety. Like growing up a little, not missing that “darn I did it again,” remembering what I did last night and the wonderful feeling of being far more comfortable in my own skin along with liking myself.

BE WELL

EJ43

Besides scrolling down and seeing a bowl of bacon jam.....

Laughing with my kids
A day when my husband pops out of his illness (PTSD and depression)
Meeting an amazing person, yesterday I met a WWII vet
Getting My laundry done...if u have three boys u understand
A damned good ice coffee from Dunkin donuts
Losing a pound
NOT being hungover....omg, love it!
Going out to breakfast
Sleeping in
Watching my sons accomplish something
No homework nights
Being kind to someone

malcolmsloan

Happiness. For me I have to be careful of this concept. When I find myself feeling happy, for what ever reason, big or small, I try to just let it be what it is, try to experience it and not grasp at it, not try to capture and hold it, not desire to make it better, not seek to replicate, duplicate the feeling. Just be happy. It is temporary and will be replaced by a new feeling,but that's okay, life is joy and sorrow, all feelings come and go. As an alcholic, I have to work on just being in the moment and not wanting to escape, get out, or enhance. I guess what I'm getting at is that happiness just is. Sometimes. It'll come. It'll go. On and on. My job is to be okay with this natural cycle.

jessie65

There are some beautiful responses here. Thank-you

LeTheVerte, Congrats on 5 weeks!!

I think it's true that those joyous moments just happen, and without the substances, they Will happen.
I remember just a couple days ago, I felt that sudden joy when I realized I ignored my AV, which has been acting up horrible some days. I ignored it and realized it much later in the day, somehow I distracted myself and didn't act on it, don't even remember what I did.
Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Verte

OH Jessie There IS hope for you !! A whole lifetime of it.

Keep pushing and just rolling with the feelings...which sometimes do feel like punches.

Things settled down enormously when the 'grab a drink for every emotion' reflex began to dissipate. Let it fade. Give yourself time and patience with this...while keeping your dukes up!

You are truly on a great path.

Knat84

Strangely...
What makes me happy and gives me something to look forward to? The fall / autumn time. I love it. I love the change in the air, the leaves, nature, I love getting up on a cloudy cool morning and drinking espresso while sitting outside with my dog. I love decorating for the fall / Halloween. (In my house, we take it pretty seriously.) I could take or leave the rest of the seasons, but, the fall is something I look forward to all year 'round.
When I was drinking, I forgot all of the happiness and warmth that came with past memories. I forgot of the happy days when I was a child getting out of school in the nice cool air. I forgot the feeling of holiday parties and just going to the store to get candy, or riding my bike.. Alcohol made me forget, (due to it's captivating soul sucking nature), all of the wonderful simple things that used to make me happy in life. Alcohol (for me) was so wonderful from first sip and masked itself as all of the happiness I needed in one, ... then slowly but surely, it brought me into a place of darkness.
Now that I am hitting my 3 year sober mark, I have gained back a lot of the feelings that which I used to feel. I remember clearly what made and still makes me happy. It took a while, but, most of those feelings have returned. I am still looking forward to the return of others.

There is a happy place past this threshold of hell that you might be going through. You just have to get through that nagging feeling of "I need a drink, I need a drink, OH GOD, I need a drink!"

Keep on going! Proud of you... xoxo

lunar

Hmmm, so much to mention here, but I won't.
Earlier this week, I was at my shop and had to check on something outside.
It was a very warm day and I was hit with an incredibly strong scent of roses in the sun,
from an adjacent house. I closed my eyes for a moment and stood there, feeling the breeze
and the sun's warmth, combined with the flower's smell. I felt incredibly sober.

snowbunting

Some amazing responses on this thread.

What 360shoes said about real joy being the kind you can't plan, and malcolmsloan's comment on what to do with the feeling of happiness: 'try to experience it and not grasp at it, not try to capture and hold it, not desire to make it better, not seek to replicate, duplicate the feeling': just wow. Those two comments fit together, and are so spot on.

I think really what I was trying to do when I drank is capture and control a feeling of happiness, to manufacture the feeling because I wanted access to it at all times. I always wanted to feel it, and once I felt it I needed it to last. I've always been a joy junkie, I now realise. I've really never thought about it that way before, but you are absolutely right.

In the past 11 days I've spent sober, I have experienced moments of joy that I would never have had while drunk. But it's weird to have to relearn how to be patient for those moments instead of trying to jumpstart them, and to let the moment pass instead of trying to prolong it.

Sorry jessie, I don't have a proper answer as I'm only 11 days in myself. I just found the comments on this thread so insightful I had to say so!

Stoogy

My family, my dog, my sobriety.

I don't think anyone can be happy while drinking, my life was built around my next session, panicking, is there enough beer in the fridge for later! What a hellish existence that is, better rid of it.

A sober life is a happy life ☀️☀️☀️⛅️⛅️

MidnightBlue

When I am able to switch off "chatterbox" in my head...

And just feel, without accessment, judgement, fear, planning..whatever...

When emotions and what I see and hear around come as ocean waves, go through me. And I am not trying to control it. Just observe. And out of this interaction my happy moments are born.

Aellyce

One of my favorite questions, thanks for posing it. For me, this has been an ever evolving issue throughout my life, but at this point I'm more settled with an answer than ever before.

So, first of all, it depends how we define happiness. In my mind it's a sort of umbrella construct with a few different components and layers. Maybe the three main layers are (not necessarily in order of importance at all times):

1. Satisfaction deriving from my basic human needs met, in practical ways. This includes health, sufficient amount of resources (food, a place to live that I like in an environment that I like, finances, longer term security), and sufficient maintenance of these things. The small delightful things others have mentioned can probably be mentioned here, too. What is sometimes described as "self preservation".

2. Things that can be a bit more abstract, activities and pursuits that I find personally, subjectively, spiritually meaningful and rewarding, that feed into some of my main motivations. This is the area that have been quite dynamic for me. When I was younger, my intellectual pursuits were probably most important for me and this really determined my career choice, outside of work interests, even my relationships. I got a great deal of satisfaction from learning, trying to be competent at what I do, useful contributions, trying to understand the world around me and myself, etc. Now this has balanced out a lot with time such that after a while, these things were no longer as rewarding on their own. Which led to

3. Wanting to have meaningful, quality social connections, environment, relationships with other people (all kinds). Interestingly, these were really not that center stage for me when younger, I was quite the textbook loner type of person and it did not cause me problems (or so I thought). With time, I realized that the connections with the "rest of life" are probably more important for me than anything else, or have become more important. But I'm not someone who was already naturally gifted with great social and people skills, so I had/have to learn and constantly improve this area.

Of course these three levels are overlapping and interacting... For example, now one thing I enjoy best is making my knowledge and life experiences useful in other people's life. One reason why I love our interactions on SR so much - we do this all the time here! Very rewarding for me. I'm actually trying to think of ways to expand this more in my 3D life.

For me, probably the strongest motivation is an undying search for meaning in life. Or creating meaning for myself, that's more accurate! I actually also had to learn from experience that this can only be truly satisfying if it's backed up by having my more basic, instinctual needs met first, otherwise the lack of that will cause a constant underlying current of anxiety, which takes away from the quality of the whole construct a lot.

This is the short version