Higher power? Struggling connecting...
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Higher power? Struggling connecting...
hey all
the last week I find myself really struggling with this HP stuff. It'll be a month next Monday sober, and I've been sober before for 18mths...I struggled with this last time. I definitely believe in a higher power than myself...but what that is I just don't know. My stubborn brain doesn't want to wrap itself around that thought. I have a bad legal situation going on that is basically consuming my obsessive thoughts...worrying, fretting...I'm trying my hardest to catch those negative thoughts and stop them immediately, easier said than done.
I do go to meetings, although not as often as I should. I have a sponsor, but haven't started the steps yet. I read a lot of self help stuff and journal when the mood hits me, but it's like an uphill battle.
how did you guys tap into this??? I feel spiritually bankrupt right now and I hate it.
the last week I find myself really struggling with this HP stuff. It'll be a month next Monday sober, and I've been sober before for 18mths...I struggled with this last time. I definitely believe in a higher power than myself...but what that is I just don't know. My stubborn brain doesn't want to wrap itself around that thought. I have a bad legal situation going on that is basically consuming my obsessive thoughts...worrying, fretting...I'm trying my hardest to catch those negative thoughts and stop them immediately, easier said than done.
I do go to meetings, although not as often as I should. I have a sponsor, but haven't started the steps yet. I read a lot of self help stuff and journal when the mood hits me, but it's like an uphill battle.
how did you guys tap into this??? I feel spiritually bankrupt right now and I hate it.
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Location: C.C. Ma.
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"I do go to meetings, although not as often as I should. I have a sponsor, but haven't started the steps yet. I read a lot of self help stuff and journal when the mood hits me, but it's like an uphill battle.
how did you guys tap into this??? I feel spiritually bankrupt right now and I hate it."
Hi. When I came around I had similar feeling about a Higher Power also as I was never nor am I today a religious person. My concept today is that the creator, Mother Nature is a huge Higher Power for me. I don’t argue or am concerned about it any longer. If anyone goes to church where theirs is located, fine.
As far as the highlighted above is concerned, they are huge things to be concerned about in my sobriety even after many years sober. My condition, alcoholism, didn’t leave me just because I stopped drinking, it’s constantly waiting to grab a hold when I put my guard down and think of just sailing along.
BE WELL
how did you guys tap into this??? I feel spiritually bankrupt right now and I hate it."
Hi. When I came around I had similar feeling about a Higher Power also as I was never nor am I today a religious person. My concept today is that the creator, Mother Nature is a huge Higher Power for me. I don’t argue or am concerned about it any longer. If anyone goes to church where theirs is located, fine.
As far as the highlighted above is concerned, they are huge things to be concerned about in my sobriety even after many years sober. My condition, alcoholism, didn’t leave me just because I stopped drinking, it’s constantly waiting to grab a hold when I put my guard down and think of just sailing along.
BE WELL
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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It took me six months of being skeptical but still open and willing to do the next right thing. Funny thing is as I kept doing the right things I found I was getting what I needed, not always what I wanted, which I find sometimes better. Anyhow, I kept experiencing things I could not explain. A phone call when I needed it the most, someone opening up to me on the plane next to me, someone else relapsing when I was having some doubts myself. So I kept trusting and building faith little by little.
I keep doing the next right thing and my faith is strong now at 10 months in...I tried to will a white light experience in the first month but it was inauthentic and thus did not work. You can't adopt someone else's construct that I consider brainwashing. You need to develop your own construct and trust it. That is how my faith developed.
I don't think you need to figure it out immediately. What you need to be is open to change that you do not know it all and willing to do whatever it take while being rigorously honest with yourself and others.
I keep doing the next right thing and my faith is strong now at 10 months in...I tried to will a white light experience in the first month but it was inauthentic and thus did not work. You can't adopt someone else's construct that I consider brainwashing. You need to develop your own construct and trust it. That is how my faith developed.
I don't think you need to figure it out immediately. What you need to be is open to change that you do not know it all and willing to do whatever it take while being rigorously honest with yourself and others.
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I've long felt a lot like you are saying; that I 'believe' in a power greater than myself and have even felt it at times.
Being surrounded by nature's majesty usually is the closest I come to 'it'.... going to watch the sunrise alone by the sea or the lake or a vast open area.... walking alone in a forest.... climbing a mountain or other high, natural place. lying looking up at night into the vast universe... It's difficult for me to be in those settings and NOT feel very tangibly that there is obviously something greater than myself.
Like you, for many years I have struggled to 'understand' it. To 'know what it is'.
But honestly in those times when I've felt it most clearly in my life - it hasn't mattered 'what it is'. I've begun to understand that when I find myself struggling to wrap my head around it - I'm in my head. When I sit quietly and watch a hummingbird land on a desert flower and sit still, looking at me, reflecting the midday sun from its iridescent throat and feel a tear slide down my cheek - I'm NOT in my head and I can clearly see there is a power greater than myself.
Bibles don't explain it for me. Nor do Korans or Torahs or scriptures or Big Books or anything else that is written down over the course of several hundred pages. Nobody in a robe ever made it clear to me. Nobody knocking on my door on a thursday afternoon and handing me leaflets ever offered an explanation that made sense.
But I've felt it in a canyon on top of a rockpile at sunset.
And so I've kind of given up 'trying to understand' and for the most part just gone with my general belief. Sometimes I'll actually use the word "God". I never used to because of the connotations that carries. Over the years I've let go of my concern for those connotations to a large degree. Sometimes I'll use the phrase "the Universe". Sometimes, both of those labels feel silly and contrived, like a marketer branded them.
Sometimes, I wonder whether that 'something' can truly be interacted with at all. Whether that power greater than myself is capable of offering anything specific to me or whether I'm just along for the ride. Other times, I will find that I can FEEL it clearly within me; whatever that power is has also FELT ME.
My sponsor once told me - when I expressed some resistance - I was making it way too hard. He said "all you have to do is two simple things; when you get out of bed in the morning, just say 'Please, help me'. When you go to bed at night, just say 'thank you'".
On the days I've done that - often the days I feel it's most false-feeling - it seems to have helped.
Being surrounded by nature's majesty usually is the closest I come to 'it'.... going to watch the sunrise alone by the sea or the lake or a vast open area.... walking alone in a forest.... climbing a mountain or other high, natural place. lying looking up at night into the vast universe... It's difficult for me to be in those settings and NOT feel very tangibly that there is obviously something greater than myself.
Like you, for many years I have struggled to 'understand' it. To 'know what it is'.
But honestly in those times when I've felt it most clearly in my life - it hasn't mattered 'what it is'. I've begun to understand that when I find myself struggling to wrap my head around it - I'm in my head. When I sit quietly and watch a hummingbird land on a desert flower and sit still, looking at me, reflecting the midday sun from its iridescent throat and feel a tear slide down my cheek - I'm NOT in my head and I can clearly see there is a power greater than myself.
Bibles don't explain it for me. Nor do Korans or Torahs or scriptures or Big Books or anything else that is written down over the course of several hundred pages. Nobody in a robe ever made it clear to me. Nobody knocking on my door on a thursday afternoon and handing me leaflets ever offered an explanation that made sense.
But I've felt it in a canyon on top of a rockpile at sunset.
And so I've kind of given up 'trying to understand' and for the most part just gone with my general belief. Sometimes I'll actually use the word "God". I never used to because of the connotations that carries. Over the years I've let go of my concern for those connotations to a large degree. Sometimes I'll use the phrase "the Universe". Sometimes, both of those labels feel silly and contrived, like a marketer branded them.
Sometimes, I wonder whether that 'something' can truly be interacted with at all. Whether that power greater than myself is capable of offering anything specific to me or whether I'm just along for the ride. Other times, I will find that I can FEEL it clearly within me; whatever that power is has also FELT ME.
My sponsor once told me - when I expressed some resistance - I was making it way too hard. He said "all you have to do is two simple things; when you get out of bed in the morning, just say 'Please, help me'. When you go to bed at night, just say 'thank you'".
On the days I've done that - often the days I feel it's most false-feeling - it seems to have helped.
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Originally Posted by jdooner 
I don't think you need to figure it out immediately. What you need to be is open to change that you do not know it all and willing to do whatever it take while being rigorously honest with yourself and others.
This is basically what I have been doing, just keeping myself really open and willing to accept change, whatever form it chooses to present itself to me.
I don't want it to be "unauthentic" as you described (perfect way to describe it!) and forced.
So everyday I just try to be honest and do the right thing. Allow myself to feel the emotions/feelings I am having but not let them control me.
I do believe that things happen for a reason and we are provided what we need and yes, not always what we want.
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oh I forgot to add that what jdooner said has also happened to me....
those 'little things' that seem to be coincidental, but as we begin to open our willingness - simply to direct our awareness to the recognition that there is SOMETHING greater than ourselves - we begin to see that so many of those 'coincidences' are anything but.
those 'little things' that seem to be coincidental, but as we begin to open our willingness - simply to direct our awareness to the recognition that there is SOMETHING greater than ourselves - we begin to see that so many of those 'coincidences' are anything but.
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Originally Posted by Jupiters
Thanks jdooner.
This is basically what I have been doing, just keeping myself really open and willing to accept change, whatever form it chooses to present itself to me.
I don't want it to be "unauthentic" as you described (perfect way to describe it!) and forced.
So everyday I just try to be honest and do the right thing. Allow myself to feel the emotions/feelings I am having but not let them control me.
I do believe that things happen for a reason and we are provided what we need and yes, not always what we want.
This is basically what I have been doing, just keeping myself really open and willing to accept change, whatever form it chooses to present itself to me.
I don't want it to be "unauthentic" as you described (perfect way to describe it!) and forced.
So everyday I just try to be honest and do the right thing. Allow myself to feel the emotions/feelings I am having but not let them control me.
I do believe that things happen for a reason and we are provided what we need and yes, not always what we want.
Give yourself some credit you are doing a fantastic job. You know when you are doing the right thing bc you don't have angst from the decision. I still struggle with this sometimes.
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Originally Posted by jdooner
Give yourself some credit you are doing a fantastic job. You know when you are doing the right thing bc you don't have angst from the decision. I still struggle with this sometimes.
I'll just keep on keepin' on then
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Originally Posted by Jupiters
I definitely believe in a higher power than myself...but what that is I just don't know.
Having a higher power didn't mean to me that things were going to suddenly all fall into place. They did, actually... but some of those things took over 20 years
. What turning my life and will over to the care of god did for me was give me the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not pick up a drink. No matter what.
I had no idea what I was praying to in early sobriety. Still don't, actually. I just called it god because it was easy to do that and gave me focus. I got on my knees too, because that also gave me focus. I spoke in my prayers as though I was speaking to a best friend, who had the power to help and heal. I prayed for faith, I prayed for trust, I prayed for healing, I prayed for all the thing mentioned in the Bigbook. And it all came.
I still don't understand how prayer, or god work, but they do... so I continue to do it. I can't tell you how many subtle miracles I've had in my life due to the sincere prayers I've put into the universe. I'm certain that's why I haven't touched a drink in 30 years, I'm certain that's why I no longer smoke cigarettes, and I'm certain that's why I've been able to get to the other side of everything life has thrown me without touching a drink. I can go on and on and on....
Turning my life and will over to the care of god doesn't mean to me that life is going to be perfect. And it doesn't mean that I'm not going to still do stupid things, and make lots of mistakes. It means to me that regardless of what goes on, I'm now under god's care. All I need to do is trust and that. Time has proven to me that it's true.
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this is the problem i had big time in aa
i wasted years going to church type of organisation trying to find this god and always felt a fraud as i just felt so empty inside of me as i didnt believe in it
i did the steps and only when i got to step 12 and started to work step 12 did things in my head and heart start to become clear
before it i was over 2 years sober but very unhappy once i started to work the 12th step and i went and tied to help a few tramps out it started to wake me up
how lucky i am i dont drink anymore and i am not like them
then i looked at how on earth i had stayed sober this long ?
i didnt believe in god yet i was nearly 3 years sober
i know i couldnt just give it up as all my other attempts at staying sober always failed
so what had i done to stay sober ?
i went along to aa meetings and the moment i went there i found help in staying sober
some people in aa seemed to always be doing kind things and were happy and they helped me many times that i will never forget
there love shone and they loved me
so it was clear i went to aa meetings day and night in the early days and still do lots of meetings now but not for me as such i go now to try to help others and i find when i do this i too am truely happy in my heart
so the answer for me is aa kept me sober and the people in aa and i kept going to them for the help i needed and still do as i need it
hence i have a higher power in my life and i dont need to pray on it i can reject now the word god without feeling guilty or that i am letting other people down in aa
so dont let pressure in aa meetings make you feel that you need this god get a sponsor who is open minded and not a practicing minister type this is important as if you get the wrong sponsor it could end up giving up on aa altogether like so many do as they dont believe in god and feel traped at meetings
good luck to you
i wasted years going to church type of organisation trying to find this god and always felt a fraud as i just felt so empty inside of me as i didnt believe in it
i did the steps and only when i got to step 12 and started to work step 12 did things in my head and heart start to become clear
before it i was over 2 years sober but very unhappy once i started to work the 12th step and i went and tied to help a few tramps out it started to wake me up
how lucky i am i dont drink anymore and i am not like them
then i looked at how on earth i had stayed sober this long ?
i didnt believe in god yet i was nearly 3 years sober
i know i couldnt just give it up as all my other attempts at staying sober always failed
so what had i done to stay sober ?
i went along to aa meetings and the moment i went there i found help in staying sober
some people in aa seemed to always be doing kind things and were happy and they helped me many times that i will never forget
there love shone and they loved me
so it was clear i went to aa meetings day and night in the early days and still do lots of meetings now but not for me as such i go now to try to help others and i find when i do this i too am truely happy in my heart
so the answer for me is aa kept me sober and the people in aa and i kept going to them for the help i needed and still do as i need it
hence i have a higher power in my life and i dont need to pray on it i can reject now the word god without feeling guilty or that i am letting other people down in aa
so dont let pressure in aa meetings make you feel that you need this god get a sponsor who is open minded and not a practicing minister type this is important as if you get the wrong sponsor it could end up giving up on aa altogether like so many do as they dont believe in god and feel traped at meetings
good luck to you
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I struggle with the higher power as well, Jupiters. I tossed that thought out at a meeting the other night and got lots of really interesting thoughts on the concept of HP. Lots say "the universe", a few say god, some say mother nature, some old-timers still can't define it but don't question it (I found that really interesting), one old-timer who has decades of sobriety said that his HP is the group, the fellowship of AA. That really hit home for me ... if I can't define it in any way right now, it shall be the group. Or maybe all of these things. The point is ... it's a power outside myself that is certainly greater than I am. I can accept that. The definition will become clearer over time, I hope.
Oh I was also told to read the chapter in the big book to the agnostic morning and night for 30 days ... "you'll get it after that" I haven't tried that yet ... I've read it, but not twice a day for 30 days! Maybe that would work ... I dunno. AA also has a book titled "Came to Believe" that I was advised to read.
Congratulations on a month! That is awesome!
Oh I was also told to read the chapter in the big book to the agnostic morning and night for 30 days ... "you'll get it after that"
I haven't tried that yet ... I've read it, but not twice a day for 30 days! Maybe that would work ... I dunno. AA also has a book titled "Came to Believe" that I was advised to read.Congratulations on a month! That is awesome!
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I've been struggling with the idea of a HP lately, too. I can't get out of the mindset of the God I grew up with. And then I went to three meetings in a row on the same topic: God's will. Which is kinda crazy. I still don't really get it but I've kind of reached a point where I'm okay with not knowing. And anyway, my sponsor pointed out to me that the steps do say we will have a spiritual awakening as a result. So I think it's a process throughout and not something you have to nail down right away. I am starting to realize it boils down to being willing to be willing to believe there's a Power greater than myself. And to not quit before the miracle.
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You ever heard bout those people who are told they will never walk again..and they do? The folks diagnosed with only months to live and they are still around 10 years later?
Some will attribute that to a Higher Power or God of choice...
Some will attribute that to the power of positive thinking...
I haven't quite figured out what my HP is...I am open to the possibility of a God I guess but I have no idea what that is.
Is it some sort of collective positive energy or is it some kind of being referred to as a He or She (I kinda struggle with that one). I have no idea...
But I do know wonderful, miraculous, amazing things happen in this world and they seem to happen in some sort of spirit of goodness...belief in something greater than ourselves..some sort of mystery we are unable to fathom with our limited mind.
Whatever it is ...I do know I have no control over this life thing despite all efforts to the contrary
When I pray or look outside of myself for answers it is basically just doing that...I look to some great mysterious goodness that appears to be some grand artery in this world. There is good and bad and dark and light..yin and yang...
Both contrasts are out there in everything.
I look to the light one when I'm present and conscious enough to do so..otherwise I am caught in the self absorbed mire of my own self...not a good or generous spirited kind of place.
Some will attribute that to a Higher Power or God of choice...
Some will attribute that to the power of positive thinking...
I haven't quite figured out what my HP is...I am open to the possibility of a God I guess but I have no idea what that is.
Is it some sort of collective positive energy or is it some kind of being referred to as a He or She (I kinda struggle with that one). I have no idea...
But I do know wonderful, miraculous, amazing things happen in this world and they seem to happen in some sort of spirit of goodness...belief in something greater than ourselves..some sort of mystery we are unable to fathom with our limited mind.
Whatever it is ...I do know I have no control over this life thing despite all efforts to the contrary
When I pray or look outside of myself for answers it is basically just doing that...I look to some great mysterious goodness that appears to be some grand artery in this world. There is good and bad and dark and light..yin and yang...
Both contrasts are out there in everything.
I look to the light one when I'm present and conscious enough to do so..otherwise I am caught in the self absorbed mire of my own self...not a good or generous spirited kind of place.
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Join Date: May 2014
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Originally Posted by Nuudawn
You ever heard bout those people who are told they will never walk again..and they do? The folks diagnosed with only months to live and they are still around 10 years later?
Some will attribute that to a Higher Power or God of choice...
Some will attribute that to the power of positive thinking...
I haven't quite figured out what my HP is...I am open to the possibility of a God I guess but I have no idea what that is.
Is it some sort of collective positive energy or is it some kind of being referred to as a He or She (I kinda struggle with that one). I have no idea...
But I do know wonderful, miraculous, amazing things happen in this world and they seem to happen in some sort of spirit of goodness...belief in something greater than ourselves..some sort of mystery we are unable to fathom with our limited mind.
Whatever it is ...I do know I have no control over this life thing despite all efforts to the contrary
When I pray or look outside of myself for answers it is basically just doing that...I look to some great mysterious goodness that appears to be some grand artery in this world. There is good and bad and dark and light..yin and yang...
Both contrasts are out there in everything.
I look to the light one when I'm present and conscious enough to do so..otherwise I am caught in the self absorbed mire of my own self...not a good or generous spirited kind of place.
Some will attribute that to a Higher Power or God of choice...
Some will attribute that to the power of positive thinking...
I haven't quite figured out what my HP is...I am open to the possibility of a God I guess but I have no idea what that is.
Is it some sort of collective positive energy or is it some kind of being referred to as a He or She (I kinda struggle with that one). I have no idea...
But I do know wonderful, miraculous, amazing things happen in this world and they seem to happen in some sort of spirit of goodness...belief in something greater than ourselves..some sort of mystery we are unable to fathom with our limited mind.
Whatever it is ...I do know I have no control over this life thing despite all efforts to the contrary
When I pray or look outside of myself for answers it is basically just doing that...I look to some great mysterious goodness that appears to be some grand artery in this world. There is good and bad and dark and light..yin and yang...
Both contrasts are out there in everything.
I look to the light one when I'm present and conscious enough to do so..otherwise I am caught in the self absorbed mire of my own self...not a good or generous spirited kind of place.
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Originally Posted by desypete
what do the people who die and dont get saved put it down to ?
I suppose I believe in something that hopefully saves you before you die. I have no idea what happens after one dies....
I have a hard enough time figuring out how to get along above ground...can't begin to start putting any mental effort into what I'm in for after the last closing door...
And is that door a closing or opening?
No freaking idea.
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but your going to die one day so why even bother saving people ?
see i lost my 16 year old son to stomach cancer and he didnt get saved is that just tough luck ? or is it that this god said you can live and you can not live ?
see i lost my 16 year old son to stomach cancer and he didnt get saved is that just tough luck ? or is it that this god said you can live and you can not live ?
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Thank you Desypete. No I didn't understand the question. First of all, I'm really sorry that you lost your son at the tender age of only 16. That is a loss that is unfathomable to me. I don't think of whatever it is I believe as some sort of Santa Claus that favours those on the good list..rewards people for good behaviour or punishes or saves people based on character or goodness or badness or whatnot...
Bad things happen...and I have no idea why. I only know that there is goodness in this world and I think I try to get in on that energy so to speak...would like to be part of it. I do not profess to have any answers as to the why's or how of anything...
I try to embrace uncertainty with an optimistic outlook...
I don't believe that there is a God who decides who can stay or go based on the vehemence of their prayer or their good works or character I don't believe in anything that plays favourites...
I'm so sorry...I don't think I'm articulating myself well here..
I just believe that a belief in goodness fortifies us on the inside...and perhaps we do better.
Again..I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Bad things happen...and I have no idea why. I only know that there is goodness in this world and I think I try to get in on that energy so to speak...would like to be part of it. I do not profess to have any answers as to the why's or how of anything...
I try to embrace uncertainty with an optimistic outlook...
I don't believe that there is a God who decides who can stay or go based on the vehemence of their prayer or their good works or character I don't believe in anything that plays favourites...
I'm so sorry...I don't think I'm articulating myself well here..
I just believe that a belief in goodness fortifies us on the inside...and perhaps we do better.
Again..I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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