HELP -- Beer in the house!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Wilmington
Posts: 42
HELP -- Beer in the house!
****ALERT***** Beer in the house!
OK, I briskly walked this afternoon on an 4% incline for 45 Minutes. Did a little light weight lifting. Have been drinking lemon and water. I was looking up the health benefits of it, and Lime with water as well as, how is can effect your teeth. I was also waiting for my bath water to cool down.
Husband shows up with a damn 12 pack of beer. He was rambling about having a bad day at work. I am a consultant so I travel some and also work for various clients, so my schedule can be flexible.
As I go into the kitchen, he said "I know you wouldn't have wanted me to pick this up..." and I told him it was OK. I refilled my 50 Gallon (exaggerating of course) water bottle and poured a bit more lemon in, ice, and some Cayenne Pepper. I know he will not drink all of this beer tonight, he does not drink a lot now. However, it is IN the refrigerator. I am only on my 2nd night!!! I am not mad at him, I am mad at me for wanting some just because it is in there, but at the same time I don't want it. It is very hard to explain. I don't have an outside fridge so every time I open that door I will see it tonight, and I don't like this.
Wow, this is going to take some will power. The good thing is. I don't feel shaky or anything, no headache, feel good after working out. So, why do I feel I need it?
I am so confused. I was not expecting this. If I get through this night...... I have to get through this night.
This has to be like people that have overeating disorders. Food is everywhere, and you have to have it. You can stay away from smoking and drinking a lot easier.
Scared.
OK, I briskly walked this afternoon on an 4% incline for 45 Minutes. Did a little light weight lifting. Have been drinking lemon and water. I was looking up the health benefits of it, and Lime with water as well as, how is can effect your teeth. I was also waiting for my bath water to cool down.
Husband shows up with a damn 12 pack of beer. He was rambling about having a bad day at work. I am a consultant so I travel some and also work for various clients, so my schedule can be flexible.
As I go into the kitchen, he said "I know you wouldn't have wanted me to pick this up..." and I told him it was OK. I refilled my 50 Gallon (exaggerating of course) water bottle and poured a bit more lemon in, ice, and some Cayenne Pepper. I know he will not drink all of this beer tonight, he does not drink a lot now. However, it is IN the refrigerator. I am only on my 2nd night!!! I am not mad at him, I am mad at me for wanting some just because it is in there, but at the same time I don't want it. It is very hard to explain. I don't have an outside fridge so every time I open that door I will see it tonight, and I don't like this.
Wow, this is going to take some will power. The good thing is. I don't feel shaky or anything, no headache, feel good after working out. So, why do I feel I need it?
I am so confused. I was not expecting this. If I get through this night...... I have to get through this night.
This has to be like people that have overeating disorders. Food is everywhere, and you have to have it. You can stay away from smoking and drinking a lot easier.
Scared.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I completely relate, Happy! My hubby keeps beer in the fridge pretty much all the time. Thankfully, it is a basement fridge, but I do go into it pretty frequently, for the extra milk, yogurt, etc...
I try to remind myself of something Dee suggested. I just need to think of it as "not mine." That beer is not mine, kind of like with roommates, when you keep out of each others' stuff. So, I try to tell myself that, so I don't consider it available to me. It is his stash, not for my consumption.
I try to remind myself of something Dee suggested. I just need to think of it as "not mine." That beer is not mine, kind of like with roommates, when you keep out of each others' stuff. So, I try to tell myself that, so I don't consider it available to me. It is his stash, not for my consumption.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I think it's possible for you to move forward with beer in the house but if it becomes problematic maybe you can talk about it with your husband.
Sobriety being your priority, I'm sure he would understand and respect your will.
Great job on day 2 btw!
Sobriety being your priority, I'm sure he would understand and respect your will.
Great job on day 2 btw!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Happy I live in a household with two other people who drink normally so I've seen alcohol in the fridge since Day 1, I'm at 15 months now. It helped me to look around and find a non-alcoholic drink that I liked, I ended up choosing San Pellegrino chinotto. When other people have a drink I get out a special glass, ice and slowly pour my chinotto -- it's become my drink.
Keep the focus on you, your likes and your recovery in this early stage. Don't go back to the fridge tonight, if you need something ask your husband to get it for you. Perhaps he could buy a small cheap bar fridge later in the week and keep the beer in that?
Keep the focus on you, your likes and your recovery in this early stage. Don't go back to the fridge tonight, if you need something ask your husband to get it for you. Perhaps he could buy a small cheap bar fridge later in the week and keep the beer in that?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I find it really helpful to remind myself who I want to be.
I can be the person I want to be, or I can drink..but I can't do both
It's hard when it's around but it's not impossible, You can do this. Use the support here HappyWithout
D
I can be the person I want to be, or I can drink..but I can't do both
It's hard when it's around but it's not impossible, You can do this. Use the support here HappyWithout
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
I very much relate as well. I live with my parents (my dad's a "functioning alcoholic") and there is booze everywhere! In the fridge, the pantry, the computer room, the downstairs freezer and the garage. Wine, beer, rum, White Russian, buttery nipple shots... It's insane. Alcohol is not my d.o.c. but I have no qualms about using it when it's all I can get my hands on so it is still a trigger and a temptation.
When I find myself starting to linger around the alcohol when I see it in the fridge or pantry or whenever I call someone immediately, preferably a recovery friend. They distract me and get my mind off of all the booze and also help remind me of all the reasons why I need to not take even one sip. You did the right thing by posting about it here.
When I find myself starting to linger around the alcohol when I see it in the fridge or pantry or whenever I call someone immediately, preferably a recovery friend. They distract me and get my mind off of all the booze and also help remind me of all the reasons why I need to not take even one sip. You did the right thing by posting about it here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Wilmington
Posts: 42
Thanks again, everyone.
Dinner is finished and eaten. He has his beer next to him. I haven't even taken a sip of his.
What's the point really? I will only want to get a buzz. So, 1 would not be a choice for me. I think he's had 2 - maybe this is his 3rd? I am not going in there and even looking at the box.
He wants me to quit. I wonder if this is some sort of test to see if I'm serious about it.
If I pass, I will probably have to get used to this anyway.
Sucks. It would have been so much easier if he did not bring that home.
He can drink a few and be fine... He used to drink more, but he's never been real bad. Out at bars when he was younger, etc...
Dinner is finished and eaten. He has his beer next to him. I haven't even taken a sip of his.
What's the point really? I will only want to get a buzz. So, 1 would not be a choice for me. I think he's had 2 - maybe this is his 3rd? I am not going in there and even looking at the box.
He wants me to quit. I wonder if this is some sort of test to see if I'm serious about it.
If I pass, I will probably have to get used to this anyway.
Sucks. It would have been so much easier if he did not bring that home.
He can drink a few and be fine... He used to drink more, but he's never been real bad. Out at bars when he was younger, etc...
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
It is very hard but it can be done. When I originally became sober in 2001, I was living with an abusive raging drunk. He would drink Rum (my drink of choice back then) right in front of me and there were bottles everywhere.
What I did is stay really close to my support system in AA and also joined Al Anon. I kept the focus on remaining sober no matter what.
There are quite a handful of us on SR who have become and stayed sober with alcoholic loved ones, drinking roommates, beer guzzling partners etc. Keep the focus on yourself and your own priorities
I would strongly suggest that on top of SR you also get a support system in the physical world whether it be AA, Women For Sobriety, Smart....There will be time when it will be a bit too much and you will need to have sober friends to hang out with while he is at home drinking his beer.
Also, an evening like that, it might be a good idea to reach out to a friend or relative and go to the movies or for a long walk with them so you are physically out of the place.
What I did is stay really close to my support system in AA and also joined Al Anon. I kept the focus on remaining sober no matter what.
There are quite a handful of us on SR who have become and stayed sober with alcoholic loved ones, drinking roommates, beer guzzling partners etc. Keep the focus on yourself and your own priorities
I would strongly suggest that on top of SR you also get a support system in the physical world whether it be AA, Women For Sobriety, Smart....There will be time when it will be a bit too much and you will need to have sober friends to hang out with while he is at home drinking his beer.
Also, an evening like that, it might be a good idea to reach out to a friend or relative and go to the movies or for a long walk with them so you are physically out of the place.
We can become and stay clean and sober whether our loved ones are still drinking/using or not
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Wilmington
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by Carlotta 
Ps: I certainly hope it is not a "test" because if it is, he is a seriously screwed up individual and not a loving partner.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Because normal drinkers can buy a twelve pack or a bottle, have some and leave the rest for another day while we alcoholics can't.
Anyway, enough about his drinking. What is your plan and what are you doing for your recovery?
Anyway, enough about his drinking. What is your plan and what are you doing for your recovery?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by HappyWithout
He wants me to quit. I wonder if this is some sort of test to see if I'm serious about it.
If I pass, I will probably have to get used to this anyway.
Sucks. It would have been so much easier if he did not bring that home.
He can drink a few and be fine... He used to drink more, but he's never been real bad. Out at bars when he was younger, etc...
a test? i don't know yer hubby but im thinkin no. yup, yer stopping drinkin, but in his mind he may not understand how hard that can be and not see anything wrong with bringing alcohol into the house for him to consume.
you may want to have a conversation about it with him. if yer gonna put on a mask and make like its all ok, how will he know the struggle yer having?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Grass Valley, CA
Posts: 358
My first thought when reading your post is that it's a passive aggressive move on his part. He can drink, and you can't, ha ha. When I go to my sisters house, the first thing she does when I get there is pull out the wine and beer and see who all wants a drink. At the same time, she's very critical of me being alcoholic, a story for a different forum.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Wilmington
Posts: 42
I have mentally exhausted myself on it. He already knows I will drink it when it is here. OR I use to. We have been together almost 8 years. Married almost 2. I don't want to discuss it with him, as he is under a tremendous amount of stress at work and mentally right now I am concentrating on myself more so than anything. His drinking does not bother me, it is the fact that it is hard when first quitting and I'm very vulnerable right now. It is me I am concerned about drinking it.
What am I doing about it? For ME? I'm not drinking it. It is poison to me, but not to him. I can request he take it with him in the morning. It may put him out a bit as it will get hot in the car, but he can put some in the freezer when he gets home, but it is HIS beer. Not MINE to drink, anyway, right?
I'm making it so far. Bed time will come soon enough. I hope I can sleep tonight. Last night went OK, as I used Valium and Anti-histamines...
What am I doing about it? For ME? I'm not drinking it. It is poison to me, but not to him. I can request he take it with him in the morning. It may put him out a bit as it will get hot in the car, but he can put some in the freezer when he gets home, but it is HIS beer. Not MINE to drink, anyway, right?
I'm making it so far. Bed time will come soon enough. I hope I can sleep tonight. Last night went OK, as I used Valium and Anti-histamines...
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Wilmington
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by gvrecovery
My first thought when reading your post is that it's a passive aggressive move on his part. He can drink, and you can't, ha ha. When I go to my sisters house, the first thing she does when I get there is pull out the wine and beer and see who all wants a drink. At the same time, she's very critical of me being alcoholic, a story for a different forum.
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