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I can't get past my shame

Old 06-04-2014, 01:29 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tigerswithellie View Post
I think the most frustrating part is I have friends that have this amazing self control, a kind of control that I just have never had
That is not self control, that is someone that does not have a problem with alcohol. They do not have to think twice about when to stop. They just do.

I have never been a social drinker. I drank in social situations (Bars,Taverns) but I never dank like them. It is not a matter of just stopping. I have no off switch. One drink and the craving for more begins and gets worse.

It is the first drink that gets me drunk, every time. My limit is none, nadda, zero, zilch, nope, can't do it!
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Old 06-04-2014, 01:31 PM
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Anytime! As for worrying about your sober self being no fun, look back to before you started drinking. I bet you had loads of fun then. You'll also have had more money, no hangovers, no black outs etc.
I've been worried previously that my hubby to be might not love me anymore if I don't get drunk but that's just the dependency talking. I bet you're awesome-and all alcohol does is blur that awesomeness!
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Old 06-04-2014, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by tigerswithellie View Post
Anybody else deal with that negative self-talk?
Heck yeah. Pretty sure it had a lot to do with why I drank in the first place. It was like some sort of vacation from the constant negative natter. And once that liquid reprieve hit...no "off" button.
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Old 06-04-2014, 01:37 PM
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You're not alone! I did the same thing at the beginning of my recovery. I'm 33. All my friends drank. Offered me drinks, gave me a hard time when I told them I quit. It was really tough. I'd obsess over what I was going to tell them when they asked why I wasn't drinking. The anxiety drove me crazy. Will they not like the new me? What if my husband leaves me? I just kept thinking if I was open and honest and told them I couldn't stop when I started, and drinking was negatively affecting my life, they'd understand. But they don't. Only us alcoholics get it. It got easier and easier. Hang in there, and keep coming back!
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Old 06-04-2014, 01:40 PM
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Anyone want to share their best secrets for day-to-day sobriety? My therapist recommends having non-alcoholic beverages on hand and I'll get stocked up there, but any methods anyone likes in particular? Has AA helped? Obviously SR is a great resource I plan to continue using
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Old 06-04-2014, 01:45 PM
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I hear you Cinder! I try to explain the "off switch" concept and NO ONE gets it. I realize that's not their fault, but it sure doesn't make things any easier either
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Old 06-04-2014, 01:45 PM
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Welcome to the family. We're here to support you in your sober journey.
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:03 PM
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I'm going to jump in here and say be kind to yourself. Alcoholism is a disease you have and you are beginning to deal with it and that's great.

I would suggest you stop worrying about what your friends/family think about you drinking or not drinking. You know you have to stop drinking. For me, my recovery was a very personal journey. It was something I did for me. You do not owe anyone an explanation as to what you are drinking or why and it's rude for them to question you about it.

I had to make some big changes in my life in early recovery and many of us do. It's so much more than stopping drinking. Birthday parties are not always in bars and people don't always drink when bowling. Our perception is that alcohol is everywhere but it's not. You just need to look in different places.

You can do this and we're here for you.
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:06 PM
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I'm scared for the inevitable changes, but I think I'm ready for them. So, so happy I have a group of people to share my ongoing story with
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:09 PM
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I'm scared too, sometimes.
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:10 PM
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Welcome tigers. You already discovered what a great place this is. .
I've only one suggestion. Try to educate your bf on this. Make it casual. Like you found some information on alcoholism and you believe you fit the description. That should open up a discussion.

He does not need to know about SR.

Gllad you're here.
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:15 PM
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Change is the only thing that is permanent, and we change and things get a good kind of different.
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Old 06-04-2014, 02:19 PM
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I like that grtgrandpa nice way of looking at it. And LBrain- I think opening up the discussion with him is a good idea. He knows I'm on SR and is proud of me for addressing my issue...he just doesn't realize that he has no idea what my "issue" is... Again not his fault, but doesn't help either
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Old 06-04-2014, 08:53 PM
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Wow! Tigerswithellie.... Reading your post was like reading my own thoughts! This thread has helped me more than any other so far (day 4 for me on SR). So glad you're here!! So nice to have people who understand. I can't tell you how much this thread has helped me to not feel so alone. Thanks everyone!! Xo
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Old 06-04-2014, 08:54 PM
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The great thing about SR is it is always there for us. SR is a group of anonymous people who are living in recovery. I just slept 5 hours, woke up, turned on my computer in the middle of the night, and talking to you. Just like that, you belong, you fit in, and you want we have got. We love you, learn to love yourself cause you are worth it.
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Old 06-04-2014, 09:00 PM
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bit late, but I wanted to welcome you tigerswithellie...and I totally agree with Anna

D
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Old 06-04-2014, 09:30 PM
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Anna is right. You're overly concerned with what you imagine other people will say, think, feel or do if you were to continue to stay sober. The best remedy for shame is compassion, and learning how to do things on your own behalf. Neither your friends nor your family can or will live your life for you. It's what you do with your life that will determine what you become.

Originally Posted by tigerswithellie View Post
As for my family, my mother has been battling severe depression for the past year and a half and between all the changes that my dad and little sister have had to go through because of it, I feel like I can't burden them with any other worries.
The best way to unburden people in your life who you imagine will worry over you starts with putting down the drink.
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