How can I Help him???
 

My boyfriend whom I love deeply and adore is alcohol dependent on vodka. He drinks daily, all day. He has isolated himself from his children and friends over the last few months. He retired young so he no longer is working. He's been to rehab years ago. I realize he must hit rock bottom in order to seek help. If he's asking me to "stay with me, hold my hand" while he's drinking himself to his early death, what do I do?? Is that "rock bottom"??? When he's ok with dying? I called 911 last week, they came and accessed his condition....his blood pressure was high and he was dehydrated yet chose not to go to the hospital. He's a calm and quiet drunk, he isn't combative at all. He's never physically hurt anyone but himself. He use to do triathlete competitions so he's somewhat in good shape. He tells me he love's me and wants a future with me. What can I do to help him? I want him healthy again...I feel so helpless. I'm looking for support for this position I'm in. If anyone has anything to help me deal with this, I would appreciate advise. Thank you for taking the time to read my short version of the situation I'm in.:tyou

Welcome! :) Unfortunately there's not much you can do to help him. He has to want to help himself, and it doesn't sound like he does. :( Other than letting him know you'll support his sobriety, I'd suggest you get some support for yourself. :hug:

I somehow can't help but think of relationship wisdom I'm partial to....the only way to change a relationship is by having the strength to let it go. The logical part of me truly believes that it is far more loving to not watch an addict die standing helplessly by. I realize it takes herculean strength to say get help or I'm leaving and then leave if they don't yet I do believe it allows the addict the choice he has to make for himself. Plenty of addicts die with loving spouses right by there side doing everything from driving them to doctors, AA meetings and reaching out to other addicts for insight.

This is a choice he has to make and perhaps he needs more reason to make it. Emotionally I understand that is a very hard thing to do. My heart hurts for you. I also agree you need to find support for you.

Hi Jewelie :)

I'm really sorry for your situation. I think it has to be pretty much the lonliest place on earth, at times.

There is support tho - and we do understand :)

D

Welcome to SR.

The best thing you can do is make sure you look out and after yourself first. We have a ability to bring those that love us down too. Don't let this happen to you. Don't let yourself get lost in his addiction.

At the end of the day we have to help ourselves. No one can do it for us.

There is also the family forum as well you will get tons of info and support on that forum too. You can post in both forums :).

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I'm sorry for your situation and I hope that you find support for yourself.

Hey Jewelie,

Have you checked out Al-anon? I attended it when I was younger and it was great for getting some support.

The dilemma is someone who says they want a future with you, but is happy to drink themselves to an early death, that no matter how it's rationalised doesn't add up.

The helpless feeling is understandable as that is the reality, only he can make the decision to change his life, family and friends unfortunately become onlookers, which is why support for yourself is important.

SR is also here to give you plenty of support!! :)

I don't mean this to sound insensitive, but don't let him pull you down. Alcoholics are not going to seek help because someone else wants them too. He will only seek help when he feels there is something else worth living for other than alcohol. Maybe you should talk about moving out. You don't want to spend your whole life with someone who promises you they get better, but won't. Maybe when he realizes he DOES have something to lose, a switch will go off to get help.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. *hugs*

My wife just up and left me. We talk, text, hang out together, etc., but she lives elsewhere. This has been going on for almost three weeks. It worked like a champ. I've been sober since. I needed to sober up anyhow, but that really gave me the kick in the ass that I needed.

Thank you...I don't live with him, actually I'm an hour away from him.

I think you realize you don't have to move out in order to put your foot down...right?

" I realize he must hit rock bottom in order to seek help."


Rock bottom is when he decides to stop digging.
I hope he can see the light, and get some help.
He's very lucky to have you.

Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry you have to be here but you have found a great resource. Please check out this link as it is for the friends and family of alcoholics.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

There are many of us there who know exactly what you are going through, the fear, the confusion, the sorrow and the anger. We have all been there.

Your friend,

Yes. But I don't live with him. Today he said on the phone that my presence in his life gives him hope. And that he realizes only he can help himself. I guess I should be grateful that he is showing sign's of potential change.??