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15 years of HELL!!!!

Old 06-03-2014, 09:18 AM
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15 years of HELL!!!!

Hi, my name is "Durf" and I'm in day 6 of detox and it's hell!! Let me give you a little background first. I was a over the road tractor trailer driver since 1984, in 1999 I was involved in a MV accident, (Not my fault) with fatalities. I was also pronounced dead at the scene. Luckily when they were putting me into the bag and into the ambulance I must have moved and a paramedic caught it. I don't remember anything, this was all told to me by the hospital. I snapped my neck in 3 places, broke my back, had many, many broken bones and contusions. I was in a coma for over 3 weeks and endured many surgeries. I now have 4 plates in my neck, 3 plates in my spine and two rods, and over 40 screws. I was only 43 and my life was over. After over 2 years of recovery and learning to walk again I was on a regiment of narcotic pain meds. You name it, I took it, and got hooked on Oxycontin and a Morphine cocktail. I became "addicted" to it and was abusing it too. About 8 years ago my doctor switched me over to Methadone, BIG mistake!!! I was on 140 mgs per day. It worked to keep the pain at bay, but it was a very dirty drug. Over the years I had a heart attack from withdrawals, it ruined my gallbladder, which was removed, my liver, my bile ducts, pancreas, and kidneys also suffered. Plus I would go into withdrawals for no reason at all in places where I was in public and with no meds. Some mornings I would wake up in painful withdrawals, it was a nightmare!!

Now I'm 58 almost 59 and I wanted off all kinds of narcotics. So back in March of 2014 I had switched doctors, (we moved) and he would NOT prescribe methadone for me. I asked him to recommend a local pain clinic and he did. The doctor there saw what I was on and said it's not what I should have been on. What was I suppose to know, I only took what my other doctor prescribed. I told him I wanted off all narcotics and go on something non narcotic to control my chronic pain. Well he started me on Suboxone strips, 2mg/0.5mgs twice a day to get me off the "Done". After two weeks he upped it to 4mg/strips. I hated them with a passion, but it was keeping the withdrawals away for the most part, but now I was on another narcotic. I told my doctor I wanted off of it, so he weaned me back down to the lower dose. I then stopped taking it all together last Wednesday and today is day six of no narcotics and I feel like crap!!!

My pain doctor gave me some "comfort" meds, but they don't work all that well. I was also using medical marijuana, but that's also an opiate, so it was like what am I suppose to do?? I have the same symptoms as many of you that have or are going thru what I am. How long is this going to last? I feel totally wiped-out, my stomach is in knots and I'm dehydrated, even though I drink as much water and Gatorade as I can. I try to eat, but nothing goes down too good. I'm scared I'm going to have another heart attack and forget sleeping, it doesn't work. My mind is racing like crazy and my skin is burning. My comfort drugs my doctor gave me is Ondansetron, Baclofen, and Clonidine. I also take Lorazepam to help with the nerves. How much longer is this going to last???? I don't think I can take it much longer.........

Thanks for letting me vent, it feels good to get it out and off my mind. Sorry my post was rather long, but in my case it not about "addiction", but necessity to control chronic pain...........

DURF


P.S.; My doctor wants to put me on Cymbalta, but I've heard nightmare stories about that med too.
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Old 06-03-2014, 09:25 AM
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when will you be out on the truck again?
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Old 06-03-2014, 09:26 AM
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Vent away Durf....that is why we are here as we can often relate to what you are going through. And it sounds like you have been through a lot! I've known folks who have used medical marijuana; it works for some and others it doesn't. Marijuana isn't an opiate...it is actually in it's own drug category but I would suggest talking with your doc about that. I take Cymbalta and have for many years. It helps with my pain as well as with my anxiety. But that is me. We are all different. Best thing to do is stay in touch with your doc which it sounds like you are. As you know, often folks who have to use pain medication develop addictions so I think you are in the right place to learn more and gather information as well as support. Glad you are here!
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Old 06-03-2014, 09:28 AM
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Welcome to SR, Durf.
I don't know all that much about being addicted to pain meds.
My drug of choice was high test alcohol. There's a whole lot of folks here that have a lot of wisdom about addiction. There's even a pain management forum here.
I'm sure you will find lots of support here.
You definitely have my support.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:10 AM
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Hey Durf, Welcome to the Forum!! you'll find loads of support here!!
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by anykey View Post
when will you be out on the truck again?
Never "anykey" I am totally disabled and will never be able to work again. On a side note, I received 3 very, very, healthy settlements from the insurance companies that will last me several lifetimes. However, that doesn't make up for not being able to do what I want and not having the life I wanted. I would rather be part of society than sitting back and watching my life fade away. I've been married for 39 years this September and my wife has been very supported, but I can feel her disappointment, but she doesn't show it. She never signed up to take care of a disabled man, but she endures. She's an Angel and would not know what to do without her!!!!

And thanks for everyone else who posted. It's support like this that really helps. Years ago I was part of another support group, but the "Trolls" took over so I stopped. This seems like a good place to start over for support!!!

Thanks again,
Durf
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:24 AM
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welcome DURF, sorry to hear what you have to endure, sharing your thoughts and talking about can help. hopefully the doctors will figure it out and get you free from all those pills.

hang in there.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:51 AM
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Durf, it sounds like you have been through a lot. I was addicted to hydrocodone for 20 years. I am 18 days clean today. The last two years of my addiction I took 12-14 at a time, as many times a day as possible. Sometimes up to 50 if I could get an rx. There was no limit to how many I would take. The WDs get better. It takes time. You have to be strong. It's hard. Fight for it! I am here with you.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by DURF View Post
I would rather be part of society than sitting back and watching my life fade away.
Welcome DURF. Sounds like perhaps you have found a new doctor that is going to be more helpful, meds are tricky to be certain.

Regarding your quote above, be aware that there are many disabled or otherwise physically restricted individuals who do live full lives and participate in society quite well despite their physical disabilities. It is a challenge to be certain, but life is full of challenges. SR is a great place to learn, it's my main support mechanism and I hope you can find what you need here.
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Old 06-03-2014, 10:59 AM
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Hi DURF, welcome to SR. Vent all you like
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Old 06-05-2014, 06:35 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Welcome DURF. Sounds like perhaps you have found a new doctor that is going to be more helpful, meds are tricky to be certain.

Regarding your quote above, be aware that there are many disabled or otherwise physically restricted individuals who do live full lives and participate in society quite well despite their physical disabilities. It is a challenge to be certain, but life is full of challenges. SR is a great place to learn, it's my main support mechanism and I hope you can find what you need here.
Sorry, I started this post yesterday, but got too sick to finish it. I'll try and do it now....

Let me explain my "disability", I'm able to walk with a cane or a walker, so I guess I'm more handicapped than disabled. I can't cut my lawn or do yard work, but I do try to do something. I can drive a car and I do enjoy driving my GTO muscle car as often as I can. My wife and I go on vacations, but are limited to what we can do, so we usually take a cruise. As a matter of fact, we just got back from one before I started my detox. But again, I am limited to what I can do, but lucky that I can do some of the things I used to enjoy.

Originally Posted by Mamahawk View Post
Durf, it sounds like you have been through a lot. I was addicted to hydrocodone for 20 years. I am 18 days clean today. The last two years of my addiction I took 12-14 at a time, as many times a day as possible. Sometimes up to 50 if I could get an rx. There was no limit to how many I would take. The WDs get better. It takes time. You have to be strong. It's hard. Fight for it! I am here with you.
I started on so many different "cocktails" of mixed narcotics I was a zombie. At that time however my body was racked with pain, still is, but not as bad, I thought. I abused Oxycontin like M&M's and would run out before my next script was ready. So after going into withdrawals so many times I was switched over to Methadone 8 years ago and never abused them. They worked, but it's such a strange drug that one would go into withdrawals for no reason. I wanted off all narcotics, but never thought of the pain it was "Masking".

Yesterday was day 7 and the worse day of my detox. I ended up in the ER yesterday afternoon and was told I can not just stop and detox like I was. I was put back on Suboxone and within an hour I was back to my old self and feeling much better and NOT in pain!!! Not only was I suffering from the withdrawals, I was also in severe pain from my neck and down the right side of my body from my injuries. I guess the chronic pain will never go away and I'm going to have to be on some type of pain medication for life. I'm very disappointed, but glad my suffering is over for the most part. I go and see my spine doctor tomorrow and we are going to work out some type of plan to keep the chronic pain away. I have my medical marijuana license, but the state I live in only has 2-3 dispensaries and are in the other end of the state. I can deal with that, but can't deal with the horrific chronic pain without some type of relief.

Let me ask you something Mamahawk, after day 20 now, how do you feel? Are you still hurting? And if not, how long did it take for you to feel somewhat like your old self?

In a way I feel like I failed, but then again the pain is a powerful argument to keep myself on some type of pain relief...........

I'll still keep coming here for help and to help anyone who has the same condition I have. Being in severe chronic pain being masked by narcotic pain meds is a very tricky situation. One that I really gave no thought to until the drugs were gone from my body. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with no where to go...............

Thanks to ALL!!!!!
Durf
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Old 06-05-2014, 06:46 AM
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Oh Durf! What a long struggle!!! I didn't struggle with meds, it's the booze that got me. I would make sure you are in close contact with your doc, especially since your heart attack history. I am glad you have your wife. She sounds wonderful. I hope you find support here that you need, it's a great place!
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Old 06-05-2014, 07:29 AM
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Originally Posted by EJ43 View Post
Oh Durf! What a long struggle!!! I didn't struggle with meds, it's the booze that got me. I would make sure you are in close contact with your doc, especially since your heart attack history. I am glad you have your wife. She sounds wonderful. I hope you find support here that you need, it's a great place!
It seems more people "were" hooked on alcohol than prescription meds or dope. Alcohol is a mean drug and one that can be very dangerous. My kid brother suffers from alcoholism and is in his last month of a 90 day stent in rehab. What I don't understand is why they didn't wean him off of methadone at the same time. See not only did he abuse alcohol, he also abused heroin, but hasn't used it in years. (according to him) I think if he went thru a 90 day program, he should come out clean and sober from all substances. Then again he does has the potential to relapse back like he's done so many times before. Abuse is a bitch and so hard not to think about it. It's a life time fight that needs a strong constitution to avoid. Alcohol is everywhere you go or see. From TV ad's, to going out to dinner. I gave up drinking over 12 years ago and never looked back. I do NOT miss it at all, but a cold glass of beer sure looks good, but just the thought of the taste makes me sick!!!!!

And yes "EJ43" I found my life's partner in high school in 1973, we were married in 1975, she was 19 and I had just turned 20. We've been thru it all together and I can never imagine my life without her!!!!

Thanks for the kind words!!
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