Day One-Need Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Hello All,
Thank You AF66. You are so right about the simple things, and being able to spend time with our loved ones. That is precious time we will never get back, If we are drunk, we miss all of that, and affect our loved ones in such a negative way.
It is supposed to be another beautiful (Blue Sky) day today. I am starting Day 5 after a pretty good night of sleep. I have my day planned out, and I will spend a good amount of time with my dad and then in the sun, fresh air, in my garden. It doesn't get any better than that. I went to bed last night feeling such a sense of peace. We keep telling everyone that it does get better, yes it does! The AV is a cunning, aggressive foe that we must deal with every moment. There are two of us....our real genuine selves, and the drunken monster that cares about nothing but another drink ( or fix, or line ). It feels so good to be alive in our own skin, growing and experiencing life, head clear, body unabated by alcohol ( or your own DOC poison).
That is why this site and our face to face meetings work so well, we can reinforce the positive.....the little things, and help each other through the negative ones. Be grateful for all the positive in your lives, and dig deep when the AV starts trying to take us down. Thanks again everyone, there is a lot of power in this site.
Thank You AF66. You are so right about the simple things, and being able to spend time with our loved ones. That is precious time we will never get back, If we are drunk, we miss all of that, and affect our loved ones in such a negative way.
It is supposed to be another beautiful (Blue Sky) day today. I am starting Day 5 after a pretty good night of sleep. I have my day planned out, and I will spend a good amount of time with my dad and then in the sun, fresh air, in my garden. It doesn't get any better than that. I went to bed last night feeling such a sense of peace. We keep telling everyone that it does get better, yes it does! The AV is a cunning, aggressive foe that we must deal with every moment. There are two of us....our real genuine selves, and the drunken monster that cares about nothing but another drink ( or fix, or line ). It feels so good to be alive in our own skin, growing and experiencing life, head clear, body unabated by alcohol ( or your own DOC poison).
That is why this site and our face to face meetings work so well, we can reinforce the positive.....the little things, and help each other through the negative ones. Be grateful for all the positive in your lives, and dig deep when the AV starts trying to take us down. Thanks again everyone, there is a lot of power in this site.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 31
Hey it's the 5th day for me, too. After a giant 2-week+ mess. It's reassuring to hear you have a good plan for the day. I've been having a rough day as far as "cravings," but I think I just need to take a nap now, and then I'll make my daily/weekend plan. Anyway, stay strong and I hope you're having a great day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Blueskies:
The story you tell is a familiar one since it is essentially my own. This includes also what you say about codependency since throughout my many years of drinking I looked to my wife to control me and she may have thought it was her obligation to nurture me. I had a bad relapse 26 years ago and finally realized that it was up to me, that I could not stop drinking unless I did it for myself, with help from others. I had some issues with the "higher power" aspect of AA but got a lot of support from the group who did not object to my interpretation that my "higher power" could be merely the acceptance of the fact that I could not get sober without help, that I could not do it alone. Some people have managed to do it on their own but I tried for 40 years and I needed help from some kind of a group. Just having counseling didn't work. So I haven't had a drink for 26 years and don't feel the urge to have one. My life has changed and I've had many challenges which I simply could not have dealt with if I had been drinking. I would have been dead long ago, probably from liver failure, which a nurse told me is worse than dying of cancer. So all I can say is that, although I didn't entirely agree with everything that was said at AA meetings, I found a group that helped me a lot, have been over for 26 years and simply don't feel any urge to drink. Maybe you can do this too. I really hope you can. I'm so glad you're sleeping better. Maybe it would help you to check with your doctor too. Good luck.
W.
The story you tell is a familiar one since it is essentially my own. This includes also what you say about codependency since throughout my many years of drinking I looked to my wife to control me and she may have thought it was her obligation to nurture me. I had a bad relapse 26 years ago and finally realized that it was up to me, that I could not stop drinking unless I did it for myself, with help from others. I had some issues with the "higher power" aspect of AA but got a lot of support from the group who did not object to my interpretation that my "higher power" could be merely the acceptance of the fact that I could not get sober without help, that I could not do it alone. Some people have managed to do it on their own but I tried for 40 years and I needed help from some kind of a group. Just having counseling didn't work. So I haven't had a drink for 26 years and don't feel the urge to have one. My life has changed and I've had many challenges which I simply could not have dealt with if I had been drinking. I would have been dead long ago, probably from liver failure, which a nurse told me is worse than dying of cancer. So all I can say is that, although I didn't entirely agree with everything that was said at AA meetings, I found a group that helped me a lot, have been over for 26 years and simply don't feel any urge to drink. Maybe you can do this too. I really hope you can. I'm so glad you're sleeping better. Maybe it would help you to check with your doctor too. Good luck.
W.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Thanks wpainterw,
I work the 12 steps with AA, but rely on another program for my primary direction, and that program takes the "god" aspect out of it, and does not have a 12 step portion. That combination works for me. I go to meetings with both groups, and get support from people who are walking the same path as I am. You are one of those people and I value your input. The support is very important, no one can do it alone. That's why this site is so incredible. So many experiences. Step 3 says "god as we understand him". I am a very spiritual person, and my higher power may be different than anyone elses, but it works for me. Seems that is also your interpretation. Congratulations on beating the beast, and thanks again for your input.
I work the 12 steps with AA, but rely on another program for my primary direction, and that program takes the "god" aspect out of it, and does not have a 12 step portion. That combination works for me. I go to meetings with both groups, and get support from people who are walking the same path as I am. You are one of those people and I value your input. The support is very important, no one can do it alone. That's why this site is so incredible. So many experiences. Step 3 says "god as we understand him". I am a very spiritual person, and my higher power may be different than anyone elses, but it works for me. Seems that is also your interpretation. Congratulations on beating the beast, and thanks again for your input.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
BlueSkies Your mention of the AV brings up another thing we may have in common. From what I've learned from the Rational Recovery program there seems to be a lot of truth in the scientific discussions of the physiology of the more primitive parts of the brain and how it may respond to the body's developed "need" for alcohol after long periods of drinking. Thus the body seeks to "adapt" to alcohol by building up a tolerance and changing its physiology and the primitive part of the brain, with its AV, seeks to reinforce this by sending "witch messages" to the already numbed but otherwise more "rational" parts of the brain, like "Just one drink won't do any harm!" "I deserve it!" or "I need just one to get me over this upset!" etc. All I can say is that after 26 years of sobriety my AV's influence seems to have diminished, its voice grown fainter and fainter, but I'm still on my guard against it. That demon within seems to have infinite patience. To paraphrase Satchel Paige, "Always watch, your back. Something may be gaining on you!"
W.
W.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Day 5 coming to an end and I feel fabulous.
It was a great day, Blue Skies and 83 degrees here, so I spent time working in the sun, and got so much done. Spent time with my father who is dying and re-established some old friendships in person,( one I had not seen in 6 years),while working the 9th step, which included them. That feels liberating!
I am physically tired, so I am looking forward to a sweat-less, restful sleep tonight.
Looking forward to day 6. Thank You all again for your support and insight!
It was a great day, Blue Skies and 83 degrees here, so I spent time working in the sun, and got so much done. Spent time with my father who is dying and re-established some old friendships in person,( one I had not seen in 6 years),while working the 9th step, which included them. That feels liberating!
I am physically tired, so I am looking forward to a sweat-less, restful sleep tonight.
Looking forward to day 6. Thank You all again for your support and insight!
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