Mamahawk

I grew up here. When I was little my parents bought this house here on the lake. It was my daddy's sanctuary. He bought a boat and named it after my mama and me. The house is just a few feet from the water and we grew up fishing, swimming, kneeboarding, tubing and riding jet skis. When I turned 20 and Vicodin came knocking, well it took a few years and my heart closed to this place. I never realized how numb I was. Walking down to the water I smell the pine trees in the air. The scent bringing back memories long ago lost in the mist and haze of Vicodin that constantly filled my head. I step into the water and feel the sharp cold spring my senses to life. I sit there in the sun and feel the warmth on my skin. Tears run down my face and I am thankful to heal here in this beautiful place. I hear the frogs and owls speak on the wind. Old friends from a life I barely remember say "welcome back my friend". Now I will let the hardest thing go. Daddy had two wishes. One to see me get well. But it never came to pass, for one day in October 2012, his other wish was granted. That when he died, it would be here in this place he loved so well. God let me die here while I am working on my piece of heaven he said. No one knew when he put on his overalls that day it was the end. Least of all me for he had said no more. 8 long months had passed without a word. I never saw him again. I know what I have to do to get and stay well. I have to give it up, the pain I hold. So daddy I will let the lake wash away my tears and I hope you can see , I hope you know, I did it daddy. I broke free.


I posted this in another forum but wanted to share how far I've come in 17 days. Some of you here at newcomers were the first to help me start this journey a few weeks ago. My soul is waking up. I don't want these things to keep me sick anymore.

Nuudawn

That's a lovely post Mamahawk. Congratulations on seventeen days of actually living life...as your dear dad wished for you.

Kaneda8888

A very beautiful and moving post. Well done on 17 days, keep strong and keep moving forward Mamahawk...