I want my life back please!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast of US
Posts: 904
I want my life back please!
I want my life back. I am so tired of hiding my drinking from my boyfriend of 3.5 years and kids (7&9). I decided to stop yesterday after a vacation to the beach with him and my kids. We are both in our 40s. There were about 10 other families there too. I got so drunk on beer and started yelling at him and then it led to cursing at him and my kids. I embarrassed my kids, him and myself. This behavior has to stop.
What I am worried about most is I have tried to quit before and can never make it past a few days. He has forgiven me before but this time he won't even talk to me. We drove home in complete silence for 2 hours and he said he doesn't want to talk to me and left to go to his house.
Why does alcohol control my life where I can't stop drinking? I drink 1 then another then I black out. It is either beer or liquor.
I don't even recall what I said to him which is so embarrassing. He said I started rambling about how he was leaving me just like everyone else in my life has left me.... I want to crawl in a hole! I can't let this continue.
I have sneaked drinking for years and blame it on me being tired or sleeping pills or sleeping pills with a beer. My drinking has caused me to have no friends. I always get sober enough to go to my great job which I am grateful to have. I feel so alone in my life right now.
I have told him over and over I would quit and never commit. I went 7 days last month and then started back when I don't feel like things are going well in my life.
He said "why do I think I believe you mean it this time because you've told me that before. You said some mean, hurtful things and embarrassed me in front of my friends. I can't forgive you this time."
I feel so alone right now but I'm sober!
I want to change so bad and not have to crave a drink when I get home...to end up drunk.
Can I get him back to support me as I don't know if I can do this alone?
What advise do you have for me?
I want to change my life around!!
Thanks for any comments and suggestions you have. The other posts I have read here have been very encouraging.
What I am worried about most is I have tried to quit before and can never make it past a few days. He has forgiven me before but this time he won't even talk to me. We drove home in complete silence for 2 hours and he said he doesn't want to talk to me and left to go to his house.
Why does alcohol control my life where I can't stop drinking? I drink 1 then another then I black out. It is either beer or liquor.
I don't even recall what I said to him which is so embarrassing. He said I started rambling about how he was leaving me just like everyone else in my life has left me.... I want to crawl in a hole! I can't let this continue.
I have sneaked drinking for years and blame it on me being tired or sleeping pills or sleeping pills with a beer. My drinking has caused me to have no friends. I always get sober enough to go to my great job which I am grateful to have. I feel so alone in my life right now.
I have told him over and over I would quit and never commit. I went 7 days last month and then started back when I don't feel like things are going well in my life.
He said "why do I think I believe you mean it this time because you've told me that before. You said some mean, hurtful things and embarrassed me in front of my friends. I can't forgive you this time."
I feel so alone right now but I'm sober!
I want to change so bad and not have to crave a drink when I get home...to end up drunk.
Can I get him back to support me as I don't know if I can do this alone?
What advise do you have for me?
I want to change my life around!!
Thanks for any comments and suggestions you have. The other posts I have read here have been very encouraging.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi Forgive, and welcome!
I don't have any one golden piece of advice, but I can tell you SR is a great place to find support, encouragement, and understanding.
I hope you will continue to read the boards and post as much as you want. Again, welcome!
I don't have any one golden piece of advice, but I can tell you SR is a great place to find support, encouragement, and understanding.
I hope you will continue to read the boards and post as much as you want. Again, welcome!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 272
Reading and posting on SR is a great start, welcome! There are lots of different ways, methods, and plans, that people have used. Look around, and see what might work for you. With or without your boyfriend, you CAN do this!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Welcome ForgiveMeAll. It's such a terrible feeling. Your boyfriend has forgiven you so many times, it is a terrible feeling. Somehow we convince ourselves that this time when we drink, it will be different - where all he can see is one more time you turned your back on him and your kids and swigged down some poison.
I'm sure it feels deliberate to our loved ones. So I can imagine he doesn't want anything to do with you right now.
So, what are you going to do to show him this time is different?
I'm sure it feels deliberate to our loved ones. So I can imagine he doesn't want anything to do with you right now.
So, what are you going to do to show him this time is different?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Welcome FMA. You will find many here who empathize and understand exactly the anguish you are currently facing. We are here because we too have embarrassed ourselves, ruined relationships and failed to control ourselves under the influence.
Stick around...you will find hope, understanding and some wonderful wisdom here...as well as people as scared and bewildered as you (like me).
You're among friends.
Stick around...you will find hope, understanding and some wonderful wisdom here...as well as people as scared and bewildered as you (like me).
You're among friends.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,666
Hi ForgiveMeAll, welcome to SR.
Lots of help and encouragement here for you. We was all in your position, one way or another .
Don't give up hope, our husbands, partners don't believe us because we've done it so many times before. Concentrate on getting yourself sober, join us, there's some amazing things to learn.
One being, there is life after alcohol, you can have a great life without it. I didn't believe it possible, but it's true..
Lots of help and encouragement here for you. We was all in your position, one way or another .
Don't give up hope, our husbands, partners don't believe us because we've done it so many times before. Concentrate on getting yourself sober, join us, there's some amazing things to learn.
One being, there is life after alcohol, you can have a great life without it. I didn't believe it possible, but it's true..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
Something that really helped me was learning about what addiction really means. You are sorry and you want to be better, but your body and brain are wired to need alcohol and will do anything to trick you in to drinking again. Alcohol is a highly addictive drug.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Welcome Forgive.
I had an incident similar to yours that motivated me to get help and finally nix the booze. Christmas party, way too much wine and then a shot... I turned into that yelling, obnoxious, demanding drunk that I hated to hang out with.
My partner did forgive me. But I had to start showing I was serious. I started going to meetings because I figured those people would know how to not drink. I got a lot more than that out of it.
I think he could forgive but first you have to pull a plan together and show that you're taking some kind of action to quit.
Again, welcome! And start this out by forgiving yourself!
I had an incident similar to yours that motivated me to get help and finally nix the booze. Christmas party, way too much wine and then a shot... I turned into that yelling, obnoxious, demanding drunk that I hated to hang out with.
My partner did forgive me. But I had to start showing I was serious. I started going to meetings because I figured those people would know how to not drink. I got a lot more than that out of it.
I think he could forgive but first you have to pull a plan together and show that you're taking some kind of action to quit.
Again, welcome! And start this out by forgiving yourself!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
yup - what everyone else said - you CAN do this. If you want it bad enough, one day at a time you CAN beat this.
My BF (??? unsure at the moment) has also said the same thing to me after the last binge (I wrecked his car) ...it was the last straw. He was LIVID with me, actually I don't even think that's a strong enough word. But even after a few days, when he saw I checked myself into a detox, came clean with my employers and admitted I am now aware I am an alcoholic, he slowly softened....even visited me numerous times that week.
If you want to sober up, do just that. Make everyday a sober one, maybe he will eventually see that this time, THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.
he probably needs some time as well, we sure do put our loved ones through the ringer...be gentle with yourself.
you're in the right place
My BF (??? unsure at the moment) has also said the same thing to me after the last binge (I wrecked his car) ...it was the last straw. He was LIVID with me, actually I don't even think that's a strong enough word. But even after a few days, when he saw I checked myself into a detox, came clean with my employers and admitted I am now aware I am an alcoholic, he slowly softened....even visited me numerous times that week.
If you want to sober up, do just that. Make everyday a sober one, maybe he will eventually see that this time, THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.
he probably needs some time as well, we sure do put our loved ones through the ringer...be gentle with yourself.
you're in the right place
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast of US
Posts: 904
Originally Posted by Croissant 
Welcome ForgiveMeAll. It's such a terrible feeling. Your boyfriend has forgiven you so many times, it is a terrible feeling. Somehow we convince ourselves that this time when we drink, it will be different - where all he can see is one more time you turned your back on him and your kids and swigged down some poison.
I'm sure it feels deliberate to our loved ones. So I can imagine he doesn't want anything to do with you right now.
So, what are you going to do to show him this time is different?
I'm sure it feels deliberate to our loved ones. So I can imagine he doesn't want anything to do with you right now.
So, what are you going to do to show him this time is different?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast of US
Posts: 904
Originally Posted by Jupiters
yup - what everyone else said - you CAN do this. If you want it bad enough, one day at a time you CAN beat this.
My BF (??? unsure at the moment) has also said the same thing to me after the last binge (I wrecked his car) ...it was the last straw. He was LIVID with me, actually I don't even think that's a strong enough word. But even after a few days, when he saw I checked myself into a detox, came clean with my employers and admitted I am now aware I am an alcoholic, he slowly softened....even visited me numerous times that week.
If you want to sober up, do just that. Make everyday a sober one, maybe he will eventually see that this time, THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.
he probably needs some time as well, we sure do put our loved ones through the ringer...be gentle with yourself.
you're in the right place
My BF (??? unsure at the moment) has also said the same thing to me after the last binge (I wrecked his car) ...it was the last straw. He was LIVID with me, actually I don't even think that's a strong enough word. But even after a few days, when he saw I checked myself into a detox, came clean with my employers and admitted I am now aware I am an alcoholic, he slowly softened....even visited me numerous times that week.
If you want to sober up, do just that. Make everyday a sober one, maybe he will eventually see that this time, THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.
he probably needs some time as well, we sure do put our loved ones through the ringer...be gentle with yourself.
you're in the right place
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland, UK
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by ForgiveMeAll
I'm sorry to hear about your situation too. I can't go to rehab if my employer found out I would lose my job. I see a physcholigist but can't tell him how much I really have drunk. He is required to tell my employer. I am hoping he can help me work thru why I feel the need to feel so down on myself and have everything perfect in life....which I think has led me to drink to forget that it's not all done. I am glad to hear your boyfriend has stayed with you. I hope mine does too. Love comes with good and bad. It's an unfortunate situation to find out how much someone loves you when you hit rock bottom because of an alcohol addiction. My BF says he doesn't understand why I have looked to a bottle to solve my problems. He hasn't contacted me. I feel so alone. I appreachiate your support and kind words. It makes me know good things can still happen. I wish you well!
My partner has said the exact same to me, that he can't understand why I'd look to a bottle to solve my problems!
I think those of us who have had issues with alcohol can see that this statement is correct, booze will never solve our problems, but in our minds it is not always as simple as that. I totally get where you are coming from.
I'm finding this forum a great support, stick with it and know that we are all rooting for you. ((Hugs))
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast of US
Posts: 904
Originally Posted by bookmaven
Something that really helped me was learning about what addiction really means. You are sorry and you want to be better, but your body and brain are wired to need alcohol and will do anything to trick you in to drinking again. Alcohol is a highly addictive drug.
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