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Old 06-01-2014, 05:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Cool

First 24hrs alcohol-free, yeahh!


Hiya

I'll be honest, I have not fully explored theforum yet and need to have a good look around etc, but I'm just so pleased to have registered! And acknowledged to myself that that I DO have a problem... I really need to get this under control.

I believe I am a high gunctioning alcoholic - I have 2 degrees, 2 sucessful careers and 2 very young kids, plus a happy marriage and confortable lifestyle.
I'm certain my dad (and brother) are HFA's too.

I had my first drink at 15 and drank heavily thro university - half a bottle of vodka before even going out! Then easily that amount again accross the night. These days vodka and diet mixer have still my choice of drink (kid myself that it's no calories!) but also gin, or rose/White wine.

I am very capable of going up to 1 week alcohol free (and only had 1 glass of wine spritzer every weekend with dinner during my pregnancies) so I KNOW I can do this. I respected my body then as I was growing another human being. But now I keep getting stuck in binge drink cycles that can last a full week. I can drink 1l of vodka over 3 nights and have been regularly waking up feeling dreadful, but never miss any work and ensure my kids are well cared for, fed, dressed etc as priority. I have routine bloods for a separate condition, and the liver reading is always high. I know I am causing myself long-ten damage and I'm just sick of it.

When I am 'dry' for a few days I feel wonderful - able to commit to a sensible diet instead of desperately downing carbs and fatty hangover food, I have motivation to exercise in the evenings instead if drinking and just look/feel in so much better shape. I am actually a bit scared how the alcohol reliance has crept up since having kids. Honestly everyday I am exhausted working 2 jobs and caring for them so I kid myself that I 'deserve' a drink (always 4-6 large vodkas in 2hrs) and just lose myself in that fuzziness, posting crap on Facebook and irritating my husband (who is capable of just sipping 1 drink accross an evening, once or twice a week). He doesn't say much about it, as like most HFA I get up with the kids, I work hard and am successful, but I do get very touchy if he mentions it.

At my best (in my 20's working full-time) I would drink Fri/Sat night's and be sober, eat well and exercise hard all week. So it still wasn't healthy (classic binge-drinker!) but I would take that as progress right now!

Tonight is my first alcohol free night in about 2 weeks. A long 'wet' spell, even by my standards. I cant ever imagine being completely tee-total..?? Foriegn (but awesome) concept!! I just really need to get back in control as I feel I'm on such a slippery slope here and need a wake-up call. I was hoping I could start a blog/diary somewhere, but will use this thread for now I suppose. I'm sorry for the very long intro - in my experience not many regular members of forums really read the new is posts anyway! So I'm not expecting a huge welcome, just hope not too much of a negative reception please! Just really getting this all out now as I need to feel like I am taking steps to tackle this.

Thanks in advance and I'm looking forward to exploring the forum more xx
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Old 06-01-2014, 05:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to the Forum!! it all starts with a Day 1!!

You'll find loads of support here!!
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Old 06-01-2014, 05:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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It's very good to meet you cowgirlie - welcome!

Congratulations on your first 24 hrs. sober. It feels so good to acknowledge we have a problem and decide to tackle it.

Most of us try to read new posts as they pop up. I predict you'll have a warm welcome - we are glad you're here. Keep posting and reading - it will really help you.
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Old 06-01-2014, 05:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome! This is a good place to be.

/fellow n00b
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Old 06-01-2014, 05:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Wow very speedy hellos! I'm genuinely shocked lol. Thanks for taking the time to read and reply This is especially impressive considering the typos!

I haven't confided in anyone in real life yet about this but my husband will be so happy and supportive. I know the idea of alcohol becomes quite repellant to me as well when I have consciously cut-down, I'm just a bit nervous about that nagging temptation creeping up on me. Am determined to get out and exercise in the evenings this week as my 2-fold approach; distraction/prevention from drinking and improve my well-being. Tonight I felt agitated about having no vodka in the house, and no mixer for the gin! So it forced me to do it, and I'm just so pleased as think that first night breaking the habit is the hardest. Arghh I'm quite nervous!! Really hope I can do this! As I have insomnia from withdrawal I am gonna go read a few posts
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Old 06-01-2014, 06:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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You described me about two years ago. High functioning, able to take care of those around me, never late for appointments, never canceled work, high evaluations, etc.

In fact, I was still HF, in some ways, when I quit. Work never suffered, I never got a DUI, I could be sober when I wanted too, but much of my ambition went down the toilet and I started not caring. It's progressive. As someone on here said, you do nothing better as a drunk.
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Old 06-01-2014, 06:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR cowgirlie

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Old 06-01-2014, 06:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you stop drinking for good.
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Old 06-01-2014, 06:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome ! You already did the toughest part by acknowledging you have a problem! Good job. Secondly, you said when you are "dry" you feel wonderful! Why not feel wonderful everyday!
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Old 06-01-2014, 09:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Cowgirlie and congrats on deciding to take the first step. I also experienced significant anxiety at first. Members here assured me it would get better. Though I couldn't imagine ever feeling better, I trusted them and soldiered on. Sure enough, it did get better. The folks here will help you over the rough patches.
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Old 06-02-2014, 01:06 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Wow this place is fast moving, so many new threads! Love it

Will try and start a blog soon. Just want to record here how great it feels to wake up clear headed!! I've become so used to just lurching thro the morning, dragging myself to lunchtime while completing house/child tasks etc, but today I feel fresh and excited! This really feels different, now I've signed up here. It's a relief actually! I feel like I've given myself permission to start looking after myself better, and I'm already excited even at being able to plan my healthy diet today and having some control there too! I have been surviving on terrible food to mop up the acid stomach but feel free from that now. Yaay!

OK will stop rambling, just wanted to remind myself how good it feels to wake up not hungover!! Thanks again for the warm welcome. In society it's such a taboo to admit any type of alcoholism, let alone when you are a professional, and a mother too. So relieved to be able to talk about this!! x
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Old 06-06-2014, 04:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome 😊 I find this forum to be very different to any other. There is mainly support and positivity here-it's a lovely place to be!
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Old 06-06-2014, 05:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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That should've said welcome cowgirlie! Predictive text strikes again!
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Old 06-06-2014, 06:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome Cowgirlie,

The great thing about this site is there's always somebody here, it's worldwide.
So glad you are using this site to help with your sobriety.
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