Hit rock bottom...please advise
 

Hi all, i have been struggling with alcohol for about 7 years now. It started when i had my first drink in college, and i havent been able to stop since. I thought it was normal to get blacked out at college- but very quickly i learned i was so different than everyone I cant control myself once i start, I drink past blackout, am an angry drunk, and wake up the next morning making an ass of myself. This pattern repeated itself, and got progressively worse after graduation, and now im at the point where i drink alone since most of my friends dont want anything to do with me.

In march i had an eye opening event where when i was under the influence, i wandered into a bad part of town and got lost. There i walked into some very bad people who held me against my will for over 18 hours, robbed, took advantage of, and beat me. Since that event i vowed never to drink again, and frankly i should be dead right now.

I thought that would be the catalyst for change, and i went over 2 months sober and started slowly rebuilding my relationships with my family and friends. That was the longest i have ever been sober. Then l thought i was under control, and went to the bars again this weekend and met some old friends. I proceeded to disrespect them, make an ass of myself, and heavily damage my relationships with them, and some coworkers i ran into as well. I now have no friends, will likely lose job once word of my actions spreads, and dont know what to do.

All of my problems are directly and indirectly related to alcohol, and i need to cut this addiction out of my life for good. I know if i continue down this path i will be dead or in jail.

Any suggestions or thoughts on my situation? Do i have a problem, or am i just mentally weak? Should i see aa- i feel like im too young and people wont be able to relate to me. Also i have the shakes so bad from withdrawal and will probably break down crying so i dont want to embarrass myself again in front of people. I just dont know what to do

Thank you for listening, i just had to get that off my chest

You aren't alone
 

I feel like I am in exactly the say place as you. I went out last night and blacked out and can't remember how I got home. I know I need help but am scared to go to a meeting. We both need to get up the courage to go. It will be hard but we have to remember that the people at AA are not there to judge. They are there to help and are in the same boat as us. You can do this. We can do this.:grouphug:

I understand what you mean. I was in treatment at 23 just last year and did AA there. You aren't too young and it's a disgusting horrible cruel disease that doesn't care about your age. I'm going through a hard time too now but just try to hang on. But no you're definitely not too young for AA. The people in those rooms, no matter what age they are, will get you. That's what I found anyway. Hope you get better, hang in there.

I don't believe you are mentally weak. What you describe is very similar to my experience. Even when I had the strongest desire and the best reasons for stopping drinking, I still found myself drinking. Some on this site believe this is simply a matter of choice. But that was not my experience. Choice requires a sane and logical consideration of the options and their consequences. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to bring to mind with sufficient force the consequences, and so made insane choices which in reality is no choice at all. There was a complete disconnect between my though process and reality. I believe the medical term is psychosis.

And once I took the fatal first drink the whole pattern was off again, getting worse and worse over time.

You have really good reasons for stopping. You have suffered terribly, yet you seem to find yourself unable to stay away from the fatal first drink. This is what I understand as alcoholism.

The solution I found was in AA. I reached a similar point in my drinking, where I really felt there was no hope for me, everything I touched seemed to go wrong, I was full of fear and remorse, I had lost the ability to think, and I seemed to have no effective defence against the first drink.

In AA I found people who understood, and had a solution. I followed their suggestions, and have not needed to take a drink since, no matter what. I should mention that I had tried every other available option beforehand with no success. AA works and it has given me a great life with tremendous freedom.

I was 22 when I recovered, I'm 57 now.

You aren't too young and I hope you do whatever it takes to get sober.

The thing is, the only way to get alcoholism 'under control' is to stop drinking completely. It sounds like you're ready to do that. I hope so.

There is lots of support here at SR, so keep posting.

If you're still undecided as to whether alcohol is doing you any good, this is the part of your story to focus on, you already know it is the problem.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes, Sobriety was my answer to sorting a lot of the problems out in my life, I started addressing my drinking and everything else started to fall into place.

Hi and welcome Raidersfan13 :)
You're not 'mentally weak' - addiction is not weakness....and, even more importantly, you are not your addiction :)

I think you do have a clear problem, but it's a problem that many of us here share :)

Posting on SR regularly helped reinforce to me that I had a problem that wasn't going to go away.

You will need support, and I think you will need to make some life changes, but you really can beat this :)

I'm glad you found us :)

I knew I was an alcoholic when I was 17 years old. I went to my first AA meeting this evening aged 51. 34 years of making the wrong choices. You have a chance to bypass that and live your whole life the right way. I wish yo well. Keep posting!

I relate a lot to your post - that was me, too. I'm 21 and almost 3 months sober and have struggled with the same idea that I'm too young. And even getting sober at first, I didn't realize how much of my life was being affected by my drinking and how much it had changed my personality. And quickly. For me, I could not be happier with the AA fellowship, the majority of my homegroup is 10+ years older than me but they have accepted me and my story and my journey and I have become close with many of then.

Sure, I was only out for a short time and don't have as many war stories. But I know for a fact I would be dead if I hadn't gotten sober because my drinking had given way to mental insanity and depression and I didn't want to live anymore... but I still couldn't stop. Alcohol does not discriminate and it affects everyone differently and at different rates. It's easy to talk yourself around it being young, but you hit bottom when you stop digging. If you're done, you're done. Only you can make that call, but know you are not alone.

Best to you x

Thank you all for the kind words and support. I am so grateful for everyones input. I chickened out from going to the newbie meeting today. I got into my car but Didnt have the courage to leave the driveway and just broke down in tears

Thanks again for your support. I will continue to post and look for online resources until i have the strength to face this in person. Apologies if i let you guys down

Welcome to the family. :) I hope our support, and the support you find in real life, can help you stop drinking for good. :hug:

Raidersfan - you could never let us down - we all know what you're going through. You're in a weakened state right now, but you sound determined. When you're ready, I think the meetings are a good idea for you to try. In the meantime you can post here for support.

Every time I tried to control my drinking I ended up in a dangerous & unplanned situation. By the time I quit it was such a relief to be free of it. There was no fun in it anymore - only misery. Glad you've come to this realization and are taking action. We know you can do it.

Welcome raiderfan, I'm 25 (for 5 more hours) and am getting sober myself. I've connected with other younger people on SR and you're definitely not too young to begin the life you want! If anything, it's perfect timing. Feel free to reach out to me for support. I need it too!

Your story doesn't sound all that different than mine. I can be an angry drunk and I blackout and get myself in crazy situations. Your story of being robbed hits home, I was half-blacked out once, wandered into a bar in a bad part of town, and ended up being robbed at gunpoint. I only have a few shadowy images of what happened, but it didn't scare me straight, sad to say. I boozed for another 3 years. The shakes will go away. I'm on day 4 and they're gone. This website has helped me so far, although I have a long way to go.

Try to remember that you have a disease that would love to see you dead. Believe me, going to an AA meeting is much less scarier than waking up the morning after a black out. Just go to a meeting. You don't have to speak. You can just say "I'd like to pass." There are so many compassionate people in the program that know exactly how you feel.

You are not alone man. Came here two years ago about 5 years out from college where I started drinking heavily towards senior year and it never stopped. I hate being the do as I say not as I do type but just stop. It just gets worse and worse. You lose everything and your health progressively gets worse. I carry bags in my car so I can throw up without my family knowing. It just gets so much worse quitting 2 years ago seems like it would have been so much easier now. If you continue having problems this site is here for you though. Just realize you're not the only one fighting this fight. It's a battle, one I've been too weak to win. Don't be like that. Be one of the winners.

Welcome! You're not too young at all; in fact you're really wise to be having this conversation here and now, in this place and at this time. I can't think of any problems that get better if you ignore them and substance abuse is no exception. Looking back it's clear that I already had a drinking problem by my sophomore year of college. But denial blinded me to the facts for many more years. In my mid 20's some consequences smacked me in the face and scared me enough to make me quit drinking...for a few months. Naturally I took the break as proof that I didn't really have a problem.:a043:

Even as recently as a few years ago I thought a life without drinking wouldn't even be worth living. Most drunks feel the same way. But I can tell you that's the single biggest lie I've ever believed in my life. Life sober is so much more rewarding than I ever would have believed. I was fool to wait so many years to stop.

It's so good to have you with us, Raidersfan13, and you too, wantmylifeback2, and all of you folks have just found us recently. Please know there's hope for a good life free from the chains of alcoholism!:grouphug: