wantmylifeback2

Today I finally admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic. After last night, I am afraid that if I don't stop I will end up dead. I went out last night and have no memory of how I got home. I made it, thank god, but can't remember how I got here. I have a few flashbacks of the night but mostly its all a blur. This is not out of the ordinary. This literally happens every time I go out. I am terrified that if I don't get help, I will either be dead or close to it. I have tried to look up AA meetings in my area but they all say that they are closed. I don't know where I can turn if I can't even go to the meetings. If I do find a meeting I am scared of walking in. I am so scared of that first step that I fear it will keep me from going. If anyone has any advice for me or can share how they made it to their first meeting, that would really help. If I don't find a meeting soon, I don't think I'll be here much longer.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

There are plenty of people here that faced that same fear, what's going to happen? how will life be? how can I do this? . . . but we had to take a leap of faith, to be honest I didn't have anything to loose, I was already damaging my life so anything would have been a better way forward, so why not just see what happens? I told myself!!

We all started with a Day 1, no one ever woke up one day and was automatically on 6 weeks or 6 months Sober, we all had to start with hour number 1 and not picking up that 1st drink.

You can do this!!

biminiblue

A "Closed" meeting merely means that it is for alcoholics. Which means, people with a drinking problem. Which means no spouses, kids, reporters, researchers, looky-loos, etc. If your area has closed meetings and you feel you have a problem with drinking and you would like to stop, you are welcome.

Call your local AA phone number and talk with someone, they are there to help you and will go with you to a meeting if you would like.

goody

I am a newcomer to SoberRecovery but I have been to AA meetings. A closed AA meeting means that it is only open to alcoholics. An open meeting is for both alcoholics and non alcoholics.

I know how it feels to wake up the next day from a blackout. Beyond the hangover, you feel isolation and shame. I am today rounding out one day of being sober from intermittent binge drinking. My fear is that I will lose my direction and will not stay sober like so many times before.

All I can hope is for all of us to stay sober and stay connected as a means of staying this way. Good luck and know that you are not alone.

FeenixxRising

Welcome Want. "Closed" just means the meeting is for people who want to quit drinking. Since you want to quit drinking, you are more than welcome to attend. There is no reason for fear about attending a meeting; you will understand once you attend one. Simply walk in and take a seat. That's all you have to do, no one will bite :-)

wantmylifeback2

That makes me feel so much better. I was confused as to why all the meetings were closed, so that makes sense. I am going to try to go this week. I am terrified but I know I need to do it. I am so embarrassed about last night. But, I know it was probably the best thing that could have happened. I think it was the wake up call that I so desperately needed.

Thepatman

You most definitely can do this. Admitting to yourself you have a problem takes courage. Be very proud that!

Kelly12390

I'm scared too. You're not alone in that fear. And I know you might feel like you are but I'm scared its going to kill me too. I hope you can take even the tiniest bit of comfort in knowing you really are not alone.

Dee74

Hi and welcome wantmylifeback2

I'm glad you found us - let us know how the meeting goes

D

Hevyn

Welcome wantmylifeback. You've come to a great place. You never have to feel alone with this. Please keep posting & let us know how it's going.

wantmylifeback2

Thank you all so much. Today has been a really hard day and knowing that I'm not alone in all of this really helps. So thank you all .... It really means a lot

Imara

I know how you feel! I'm scared too but realize that I can't do this alone and can't seem to quit by just wishing or wanting it. I'm considering a meeting too this week and really hope I get the nerve up to try it. I'm sure a bit of embarrassment of attending a meeting is better than the embarrassment I feel going to work hungover. I just need to say this to myself 100 times everyday.

SoberHoopsFan

Yeah, I blacked out quite a bit when I drank. Scary stuff, particularly when people you don't recall interacting with tell you that you were acting crazy. I've shut off my phone for a couple days after a particularly bad blackout. I think sober will be better, whatever it takes. No blackouts in sobriety

wantmylifeback2

Soberhoopsfan. I agree 100%. Blacking out is completely terrifying. I can't believe how lucky I've been to have survived certain situations. Right now I am totally committed to getting sober. What scares me is 3 weeks from now when the memory of last night fades and friends ask me to go out. I am so afraid that I will slide back into the ********. I am afraid that I will talk myself into thinking I can have "just one". Or I'll stop before I blackout. I don't want the memory to fade .... I so desperately want to remember how hopeless, embarrassed, humiliated, and scared I've been feeling all day. I don't ever want to feel this way again but if I drink again... I will. I'm so scared that I'll forget and do this again.

SigChiScooby

Welcome wantmylifeback2! Excellent job in admitting you have problem. It certainly isnt easy to do nor easy to accept. Good luck in your recovery!

wantmylifeback2

I'm going to sleep. Day one in the bag! Thank you all for helping me make it through the day!! Xoxo

Dee74

awesome wantmylifeback

D

paloverde

My first meeting I lasted 15 minutes. I sat there trying not to break down and after 15 minutes left. I was a total mess. The next day I went back and made a whole meeting. I remember people offering me their phone numbers for support. I kept going back. It got better. Just give it a try!

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, wantmylifeback2! Yeah, the meetings are "closed" to make you more comfortable as you'll just be with other people that want to quit drinking. You will be welcome there!

Good to have you with us wantmylifeback2. I drank hard for most of my life and finally quit at age 43. Man, I wish I could have those years back! But at least better ones are ahead for us if we stay sober.