patricia68

Anger, resentment, impatience...all showing up in the past few days and leaving me exhausted and even in physical pain.

I don't know how to handle it. I didn't even know I could be so angry for such a long period of time, I just can't seem to find any moment of peace and acceptance.

What can I do?

ScottFromWI

Talk about it. Excercise. Read a book. Clean the house. Call a counselor. Go to an aa meeting. The ONLY thing you could do to make it worse is drink.

IOAA2

Hi. Good suggestions above. Stopping drinking is the start of becoming a healthy minded and emotional person. The reasons we drank and had difficulties with life are needed to be addressed. It’s work but the benefits usually are far beyond out dreams.

BE WELL

ReadyAtLast

It's very normal to have all these feelings especially in early sobriety. Accept it's normal and it will pass. You won't feel like this forever. Do what makes you feel better-distraction ,exercise even just a gentle walk. Reading about positive thinking helped me immensely too

Verte

Hah! When that hits I need to take time to walk it out. Last time it took 2 hours of great music and looking like a loony walking and punching it out.

I usually get ramped-up when I have not taken enough time for myself. So I go totally solo...

patricia68

That might be the problem. I think I need to spend more time taking care of myself, something I forgot to do during my drinking years...

patricia68

What You Resist Persists...you are so right. I think I need to learn to stop trying to control everything, including my own feelings. Thank you

Chilledice

Ive been feeling the EXACT same way! Its normal, it will pass!

Verte

Excellent suggestion, especially if you cannot get out of the house. Any books by Pema Chödrön thoroughly relax my heart and mind and help me suss out what's up.

DancingDiva

Accept that you have these feelings - for me, trying to ignore them or push them aside only makes me more conflicted and churned up. Allow yourself to feel them and process them, and then you might begin to understand them. At that point, it's easier to let them go.

Hope you feel better soon!

patricia68

Well I did it, I walked to the grocery store...30 minute walk or so.

Walked by the liquor store raising my middle finger at them...good thing it was closed today and nobody saw me...

Stopped by the park and bought myself a hotdog...

Came back home with 4 bags full of groceries...

Ok, the whole human race doesn't seem so annoying right now...just a little bit

I think I'm going to prep dinner, get lunches ready for school tomorrow and then relax. Do something nice for myself like a manicure while a watch a movie.

Or maybe just sit outside with some lemonade and think...what kind of changes do I have to make to feel better with my life. Recovery is not just simply stop drinking alcohol. I think it has to do with making changes to be and feel better in general.

Thank you for listening

Jupiters

good post and fitting for my mood this afternoon.
I knew today was going to be a b**** b/c Sundays I usually would take the car and go do errands, which I cannot do b/c of the DUI I got a few weeks back
last weekend, I didn't have time to wallow in it b/c I was just discharged from detox the Friday and spent the weekend trying to "settle in" my apt (with the ex? still BF??? I dunno) and mentally preparing for work Monday...no time to think about it last Sunday.

today has been hard. The BF (again, ex?? I have no idea what is going on with us, the whole situation is a mess) got up and has basically left all day with barely a word to me. Didn't even ask if I was ok and it's clear from my my mood, I am not. So that didn't help me out. I did manage to get a mini workout in and read a bit. But still feeling really aggitated and pissed at myself for where I am.

Life on lifes terms they say at AA. Yah - that's gonna be a tough one for awhile. I know at some point I'll have to just confront this "relationship" issue and deal with that either way. One day, he's super sweet and seems like he wants to get past it...then today it was like he couldn't wait to get the f outta here. headf***.
It's early days though, so am just leaving it for now. I know I caused this so I need to just give him space as well to sort through his feelings.

good for you for getting out and flipping the bird to the beer store! LMAO

Nuudawn

Glad to hear your mood lightened a bit from original post. I couldn't help but be reminded of the "angry, impatient period" I went through just prior to relapse. I remember there was a woman at the gym who always seemed to choose the stairclimber in front of my treadmill. K...just have to say it...she had a weird bum and she wore thong underwear that's outline showed through her yoga pants and clench and chomp at her buttocks in a most unflattering way.

I have no idea why...but it drove me insane with anger. Why couldn't this woman wear proper freakin underwear? Why was she subjecting the world to this spectacle. I swear to God I almost went and bought her a La Senza gift card to buy new undies.

It was irrational and ridiculous..my insane anger over this poor woman's inability to know what her own arse looked like. No idea why it troubled me so...
I ended up simply changing gym times (and oh yeah...eventually drinking).

I think its part of process... one I didn't quite make it through last time but need to be wary of this time.

Jupiters

hahahahah thx for the laugh!! I needed that!

patricia68

The anger came back in the evening. I can't sit still. I couldn't even enjoy the long shower or the cup of tea and cookies on the deck. I just want to cry and scream. I am actually crying but too scared to scream in front of my little boy.

I am annoyed at everybody around me, including my sweet little boy. I think I am annoyed because everybody seems to be content...some are even enjoying a drink, just one without having to drink the entire liquor store...I see women wearing sexy clothes and makeup and being happy with themselves. I am not. I don't remember how to love myself, or protect myself, or even how to look attractive anymore. I am just plain miserable and I don't even have a real reason to be besides not being able to drink and forget it all?

I lost control of my life and myself. And I don't know how to get my life back together on water and healthy snacks. But I did it when I was younger. I learned how to live without alcohol and chemicals in my 20s and 30s and now...it's all so far in the past I don't know how to do it anymore.

I don't know if this anger is part of the mourning process...or a withdrawal effect of all the junk I've been poisoning my body with. All I know is that I want to love myself again, to love my life again, and I don't even know how to begin...

EndGameNYC

If I were in your position, I might ask myself what it is that I'm afraid of.

Ruby2

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Reading your post actually helped me. I've been through the angry with everyone and everything mode. It's horrible.

Keeping busy, busy, busy helped in the beginning. I got on my hands and knees and washed the floors in my living room, dining room and kitchen. Folded a load of laundry and am now here. So, I had that kind of day too.

I think EndGame has it. If I am angry I am usually afraid of something. It just sometimes takes a while to figure out what I'm afraid of but I get there. Hang in there. Post here.

patricia68

Thank you so much EndGame. You are so right!

Croissant

Hi Patricia. Like others have said, yep, that feeling of unrest rears it's head up at times. A couple of times it exploded for me into something that felt huge and unmanageable...and the last time, like. Nuudawn says, like her, I skated very close to relapse.

Thankfully, both times, got me closer to knowing myself and working out what I need and how to look after myself.

No advice, just saying, things that feel bad have you at a precipice. The bad can be relapse....but the good is learning more about yourself, and how to get through it to the next level. Reaching out for help here, was a good thing!