why I am a worse drunk than my sister
 

My sister lives in a trailer. In a trailer park. With a "slapped on addition" that has a fiberfill comforter for a door.
I live in a house on 2 acres of land with an inground pool that I complain about as often as I enjoy it. We have down-filled duvets on our beds.
My sister has a history of seizures caused by alcohol withdrawal. These seizures have led to hospitalization with resumed drinking upon discharge. She has NEVER been to detox and refuses to go.
I have been to detox 3 times in 3 years.
She obviously isn't doing anything to better herself, unlike me. RIGHT?
My sister doesn't have children, a car, or a job.
So she never drives drunk, affect her childrens' lives negatively, or employment ending badly.
Like me.
My sister is still in DENIAL. She keeps drinking everyday without thinking about how it is killing her. Her doctor told me she will die of this disease.
I am not in denial. I know that this disease could kill me and that scares me. Yet, I continue to fail because the addiction is that strong and scarier than dying.
My sister calls drunk, leaves drunken messages on the answering machine that my children can hear.
My children came to visit me last time I was in detox. It was Valentine's Day and they made me cards.
My sister has no responsibilities outside of herself and she still can't manage.
I am beyond responsible. I am always there for every event for my children, friends, family. Drunk, but there.

What a disease it is from which we suffer. It affects each of us so differently yet with a commonality of cruelty.

How I despise it.

Let's continue to walk this journey to victory, leaving the cruelty of this disease behind us.

Everyone is different, in so many ways. I used to wonder why my sister was devoured so quickly by alcoholism, dead at 38 from cirrhosis, while I had been abusing alcohol for more than 3 decades. For some things, there isn’t an answer, and this is one. Be glad that you have been dealt the softer side of addiction but realize that your sister’s dilemma could very well be yours one day, if you chose to ignore the addiction. Use your consciousness of the reality of the addiction to pull yourself out of its grasp and be there for your sister, with compassion and love.

For the record, my sister had everything externally imaginable, looks, family, big house, cars and all the trimmings. She started drinking in her early 30s and it literally destroyed her. It can happen to anyone, alcoholism doesn’t discriminate. IMO, alcoholism is a disease that first attacks the brain and then distorts identity; a disconnection from the conscious or spiritual self and higher power. For me, recovery is the process of rediscovering myself by listening to my heart instead of acting on thoughts or impulses.

You have been given the gift of awareness and the desire to save yourself from a life of despair. I don’t know your story but you found SR for a reason. Use the resources that you have been given to change your life and change your world!

you are thinking about things. if your sister never gives it a thought, you prob have more potential for recovery. NOT that it is a competition. its a never ending march of good folks to early graves. beaten. lost.

when I think about this, it makes me mad sometimes. this can be useful. I imagine some guiltless, entitled bastard at Inbev laughing at me, the lowly, unable to control my animal urges. drinking his company's myriad of laced products and contributing to future generations of his family's wealth. I even picture his punk-a** trustifarian kids being rude on the slopes and beaches, taking selfies and humping in luxury yachts.

a little bit imaginative, yes. but helpful. Ha! man. you know that money's going somewhere!

I do hope you keep posting. im only 3months and some days. it is not a cursed existence. the hump at the beginning is tough(a given. that's why we keep lifting bottles). that is followed by some trying moments. but life is sure less of a battle. I figure its tough enough already. why keep kicking my own butt?!

you described yourself as responsible, and able to rise to a challenge. knock this one out of the park!

Comparing ourselves to others doesn't really help-it leads to resentments-anger,bitterness, jealousy,envy, hatred and resentments are the quickest thing that leads us back to the bottle.

The only thing we can do is do what we need to do ourselves to get sober. It doesn't really matter what your sister does and people can't be helped unless they want help. In any event, we can't help others until we are ourselves fit and healthy.

I would concentrate my energies on getting myself sober and building my own sober life.

I am sober right now. For now.
this writing is to show light on how i am not better, more responsible even with my vast knowledge.

Alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease. It doesn't care where you live, what you look like, how much you have (or don't have).

The difference between alcoholism and other afflictions is that it is 100% treatable. Imagine someone just diagnosed with diabetes, cancer, Alzheimer's or any other condition sitting in the office. The doctor then comes back in the office and says....I have a plan that will completely prevent any further damage from your disease, and the ONLY condition is that you simply follow a plan...and the plan is 100% effective as long as you follow it.

That is the opportunity each and every one of us have, each and every day. We can choose to get better, or we can choose to drink.

Your post makes me think about one of the amazing things about aa when you first get started. Everyone is there - from the successful lawyer to the person just trying to get off the streets. Yet we're all the same. I know when I walk into that room that no matter how out of place I feel or how different everyone seems, we have one thing in common: alcoholism. And we know its viciousness so we've come together to try to heal. It really is a beautiful thing.

I have discovered that I am a garden variety drunk. No better or worse than the 100 + alcoholics I know. The only real difference is how far down the alcoholism road we travel before we sober up or die. It sounds like you have not lost too much yet. In A A we talk about the "Yets" We haven't lost our loved ones, marriages, freedom, health, children, jobs and everything we love and value YET. I can say with absolute certainty that the YETS will happen if we continue to drink. Unfortunately I had to experience many of them before I decided that I had had enough.

We can get off the roller coaster anytime we want. It is not easy but it can be done

As always Scott makes some excellent points, part of the reason for this disease we call alcoholism is the fact it is deemed a socially acceptable activity, the pull of it is within our own heads like most things in life and we can control it.

through sobriety I have realizedhow many people actually don't drink versus "everyone drinks". and there is plenty to do socially without alchohol. go figure, right?

I like it Scott, I like this alot!

Forget about your sister.

Get yourself together.

:agree

The difference between the way the alcoholism presented in my brother and myself is just as different as between you and your sister. He developed the problem from the first drink at 15 and mine didn't come until I was in my 30's. Who leads a normal life with normal responsibilities and has their first blackout at 35? We are probably the "typical" alcoholic more so than they. It is a lot easier to stay in denial when external seems to be going according to plan. You can't gauge the severity of the problem by having your bills paid and a loving family. It destroys from the inside out.
I love that avatar. As a VW owner myself every time I see it I just want to sing "Little red Jetta ooh ooh. baby you got to slow down..cause if you don't you're going to burn yourself right to the ground."