People from AA ringing you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
People from AA ringing you
It's a strange thing for me.Last week I committed to pushing myself through the doors of AA and it was brilliant and really helpful,got a few numbers and felt good.
I had someone ring me yesterday and I didn't answer, they left an answer phone message asking how I'm doing and what they were doing.Now don't get me wrong because I appreciate their concern,I'm just not used to this at all.Ive been a lone wolf since school especially when I'm drinking.I have a trust issue but that's no reason why I can't answer a poxy phone.
I know one of the steps is to think of others and it will help,but I don't think I'm being selfish?Any ideas how to either open up or just to tell the truth?
Thanks :-)
I had someone ring me yesterday and I didn't answer, they left an answer phone message asking how I'm doing and what they were doing.Now don't get me wrong because I appreciate their concern,I'm just not used to this at all.Ive been a lone wolf since school especially when I'm drinking.I have a trust issue but that's no reason why I can't answer a poxy phone.
I know one of the steps is to think of others and it will help,but I don't think I'm being selfish?Any ideas how to either open up or just to tell the truth?
Thanks :-)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
One of the things I had to learn was maybe my way of doing stuff wasn't that crash hot?
Reaching out was really hard for me too but I'm glad I did it.
Heck, in this case you don't even have to reach out - someones calling you.
It's not a 740 page contract
Just return the call, man
D
Reaching out was really hard for me too but I'm glad I did it.
Heck, in this case you don't even have to reach out - someones calling you.
It's not a 740 page contract
Just return the call, man
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Wow, how nice they are concerned and interested in you. Return the call, have a chat. It's a nice feeling to know that someone has got your back
And the important thing to remember in AA is that you are helping them too. Step 12 is all about helping other alcoholics. So you're doing them a favour. Double win x
And the important thing to remember in AA is that you are helping them too. Step 12 is all about helping other alcoholics. So you're doing them a favour. Double win
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by Dee74 
One of the things I had to learn was maybe my way of doing stuff wasn't that crash hot?
Reaching out was really hard for me too but I'm glad I did it.
Heck, in this case you don't even have to reach out - someones calling you.
It's not a 740 page contract
Just return the call, man
D
Reaching out was really hard for me too but I'm glad I did it.
Heck, in this case you don't even have to reach out - someones calling you.
It's not a 740 page contract
Just return the call, man
D
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I had a conversation just this morning wherein I kind of realized that it was my "I can do it all by myself" nature that led me to the alcoholic self remedy in the first place. It was quick, available, easily applied, did not require assistance, did not trouble anyone or put anyone out...interrupt their day...alcohol couldn't say no and make me feel rejected yadda yadda...
It was basically fear based and lazy..among other things.
It was basically fear based and lazy..among other things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
I had a conversation just this morning wherein I kind of realized that it was my "I can do it all by myself" nature that led me to the alcoholic self remedy in the first place. It was quick, available, easily applied, did not require assistance, did not trouble anyone or put anyone out...interrupt their day...alcohol couldn't say no and make me feel rejected yadda yadda...
It was basically fear based and lazy..among other things.
It was basically fear based and lazy..among other things.
And that right there is very selfish of me as I'm just thinking of myself..step 12 (I think)!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Yep, same thing has happened with me in the past.
Number of reasons that i did it.
Couldn't get that someone might have a genuine interest in ME!
The part of me that wants me alone and vulnerable says 'no, it won't matter to them if you ignore it'.
And also plain lazy. I have come to understand that forging meaningful relationships (making friends) takes time, sometimes application and commitment on my part. It don't just happen in most cases. And because i have always considered myself a loner i felt that i could manage without...
One of the things that i do differently is always call back someone who has called me. Sometimes i even initiate a call.
And as a result i am making friends and feel much more connected.
Hope that you give it a go.
G
Number of reasons that i did it.
Couldn't get that someone might have a genuine interest in ME!
The part of me that wants me alone and vulnerable says 'no, it won't matter to them if you ignore it'.
And also plain lazy. I have come to understand that forging meaningful relationships (making friends) takes time, sometimes application and commitment on my part. It don't just happen in most cases. And because i have always considered myself a loner i felt that i could manage without...
One of the things that i do differently is always call back someone who has called me. Sometimes i even initiate a call.
And as a result i am making friends and feel much more connected.
Hope that you give it a go.
G
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
It still blows my mind when someone from AA calls me. One thing that's been a big help for me is to say yes as often as i can when someone asks me to do anything. Can i go to a meeting with someone? Yup. Go out for coffee? Sure thing! Chair a meeting? *gulp* s-s-sure!
As long as i don't have some solid conflict, i try to say yes as often as i can. My new friends know that i'll sneak back down into isolation if i can. So they call an i say yes. It's helping because it pushes me out of my comfort zone.
I absolutely love what Dee said. Absolutely spot on!
As long as i don't have some solid conflict, i try to say yes as often as i can. My new friends know that i'll sneak back down into isolation if i can. So they call an i say yes. It's helping because it pushes me out of my comfort zone.
I absolutely love what Dee said. Absolutely spot on!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
When i was drinking and for a while after i think a lot of what i was doing could be defined as being "stuck"..
i'd procrastinate for no reason .. i'd freeze .
Reject those with good or friendly intentions as creepy and interfering .
Find reasons to get angry with myself or the world .
Isolationist tendencies run deep, especially as i'm second generation of tripped out and stoned parents who were at the forefront of the 60's festival scene in the UK .
Some nice peoples phones were tapped, some of the happy friendly people i knew as a kid were seen as a menace to society, banged up , locked up , messed up , So anything "establishment" makes my skin crawl .
Maybe it's time to move in circles where such things don't happen though ?
I keep a lot of my opinions to myself these days , it's sometimes better that way , most people in general are ok y'know .. and most people within recovery are better than that
Be cool , bestwishes, m
i'd procrastinate for no reason .. i'd freeze .
Reject those with good or friendly intentions as creepy and interfering .
Find reasons to get angry with myself or the world .
Isolationist tendencies run deep, especially as i'm second generation of tripped out and stoned parents who were at the forefront of the 60's festival scene in the UK .
Some nice peoples phones were tapped, some of the happy friendly people i knew as a kid were seen as a menace to society, banged up , locked up , messed up , So anything "establishment" makes my skin crawl .
Maybe it's time to move in circles where such things don't happen though ?
I keep a lot of my opinions to myself these days , it's sometimes better that way , most people in general are ok y'know .. and most people within recovery are better than that
Be cool , bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 375
I recognise your feelings Django. I haven't even been to AA yet and I was already thinking...what if someone phones me? A mixture of shyness and arrogance. There's a scene in 28 days where the counsellor says to Gwen "Yeah youre a real individual. The only person in the world who does drugs and alcohol". That resonates with me because I get stuck inside my head and think no one can ever understand me. Actually my problems are similar to all the people on here. I recognise myself in them all the time. I need help. So do you. X
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by GwenCummings
I recognise your feelings Django. I haven't even been to AA yet and I was already thinking...what if someone phones me? A mixture of shyness and arrogance. There's a scene in 28 days where the counsellor says to Gwen "Yeah youre a real individual. The only person in the world who does drugs and alcohol". That resonates with me because I get stuck inside my head and think no one can ever understand me. Actually my problems are similar to all the people on here. I recognise myself in them all the time. I need help. So do you. X
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
No it sounds like fear, but that's normal. Truth is, most of us drank to cope with fear of one sort or another. You know, liquid courage. Life's better when you face it head on. Takes a while to get used to it though.
Make the call. Then as soon as they answer tell them it was hard to call. Honesty. Its a great antidote for fear.
Make the call. Then as soon as they answer tell them it was hard to call. Honesty. Its a great antidote for fear.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
If I may share how someone's call, or text as it was, changed things for me.
So when I moved to Seattle earlier this year, I drifted around from meeting to meeting. I managed to go to meetings but not really meet anyone. I fulfilled the letter of the law, if not the spirit. So one day, I find myself at a yong peoples meeting. They seemed like a nice enough bunch and I was determined to make them like me. The secretary of the meeting said she needed volunteers for a small conference being held in a couple of months. Eager to seem well, eager, I signed up to serve a shift at the registration table. I gave them my number and thought nothing of it. Look at me! Volunteering!
A couple of weeks later, I was not attending meetings. I had crawled back in the bottle and I stayed there for quite some time. I ditched calls from my Mom and I found myself avoiding contact with anyone besides my husband hard to avoid him while living with him) and the clerks at my grocery stores where I bought my alcohol. My world had shrunk yet again and I was stuck.
So one day, my phone alerts me to a text message. For once, it isn't my Mom wondering how I am because I haven't called her in a week. It's Her...the secretary from that freaking meeting. She wanted to know if I was still on for the service commitment I had made. My blood ran cold. I was drunk, I was scared and I was confused. What do I do?
I thought about not responding. I mean, she barely knew me so it's not like I owed her anything. Why should I be held to this commitment I made months ago? Wouldn't be the first time I flaked out. I looked at that message for two days. I thought hard on it and drank harder. Once again, I wanted her to like me so I responded that I'd be there. I believe that was on a Thursday.
That following Saturday, I found myself driving south of Seattle with a terrible hangover. My shirt was on right side out and I even managed to get my eyeliner and mascara on without putting an eye out. I parked somewhere where I didn't have to go up or down too many steps to get where I needed to get. I'm not good with stairs when I'm coming off a drunk.
I plastered a smile on and helped people register. Everyone was so frogdamn happy. They sat me next to a talkative woman who seemed determined to share with me how wonderful AA was and how much she loved her homegroup (shout out to Empire Way) and how much AA worked for her. I couldn't figure out which was worse, the smiling faces or my aching head. I attended a single panel after my shift was over and promptly returned home. I must say, it's awful miserable to go pick up a box of wine with your head full of AA. I felt like something shifted in me and my situation was clearly about to change. I wasn't thrilled but I was feeling resigned.
I texted the secretary who contacted me that Sunday and asked if she'd meet me Monday. She suggested a meeting and we could talk after that. *deepbreathremembertobreathei'mscaredi'mscaredi'ms cared* okay. Looking forward to it!
I barely remember the meeting. This must be how a teenage boy feels before he asks a girl to prom. My heart was racing and I was kinda hoping she'd say no but I asked her to be my sponsor and she said yes. I drank my last drink that night and went to my first meeting of my homegroup as their newest member.
I had a few spiritual experiences for the next two days. Things I can't explain but got dropped in my lap. These things, along with the miracle of that text, made my path very clear. It wasn't what I chose. It was what was put in front of me. I just walked down the path that was there.
I answered a text for a commitment I made on a whim. A commitment I made to please everyone but myself. My higher power called me though a text from a sober alcoholic. All I did was say yes. That yes has saved my life.
So if someone calls, maybe they're calling for a reason that neither of you are aware of. You don't know if you don't answer.
So when I moved to Seattle earlier this year, I drifted around from meeting to meeting. I managed to go to meetings but not really meet anyone. I fulfilled the letter of the law, if not the spirit. So one day, I find myself at a yong peoples meeting. They seemed like a nice enough bunch and I was determined to make them like me. The secretary of the meeting said she needed volunteers for a small conference being held in a couple of months. Eager to seem well, eager, I signed up to serve a shift at the registration table. I gave them my number and thought nothing of it. Look at me! Volunteering!
A couple of weeks later, I was not attending meetings. I had crawled back in the bottle and I stayed there for quite some time. I ditched calls from my Mom and I found myself avoiding contact with anyone besides my husband hard to avoid him while living with him) and the clerks at my grocery stores where I bought my alcohol. My world had shrunk yet again and I was stuck.
So one day, my phone alerts me to a text message. For once, it isn't my Mom wondering how I am because I haven't called her in a week. It's Her...the secretary from that freaking meeting. She wanted to know if I was still on for the service commitment I had made. My blood ran cold. I was drunk, I was scared and I was confused. What do I do?
I thought about not responding. I mean, she barely knew me so it's not like I owed her anything. Why should I be held to this commitment I made months ago? Wouldn't be the first time I flaked out. I looked at that message for two days. I thought hard on it and drank harder. Once again, I wanted her to like me so I responded that I'd be there. I believe that was on a Thursday.
That following Saturday, I found myself driving south of Seattle with a terrible hangover. My shirt was on right side out and I even managed to get my eyeliner and mascara on without putting an eye out. I parked somewhere where I didn't have to go up or down too many steps to get where I needed to get. I'm not good with stairs when I'm coming off a drunk.
I plastered a smile on and helped people register. Everyone was so frogdamn happy. They sat me next to a talkative woman who seemed determined to share with me how wonderful AA was and how much she loved her homegroup (shout out to Empire Way) and how much AA worked for her. I couldn't figure out which was worse, the smiling faces or my aching head. I attended a single panel after my shift was over and promptly returned home. I must say, it's awful miserable to go pick up a box of wine with your head full of AA. I felt like something shifted in me and my situation was clearly about to change. I wasn't thrilled but I was feeling resigned.
I texted the secretary who contacted me that Sunday and asked if she'd meet me Monday. She suggested a meeting and we could talk after that. *deepbreathremembertobreathei'mscaredi'mscaredi'ms cared* okay. Looking forward to it!
I barely remember the meeting. This must be how a teenage boy feels before he asks a girl to prom. My heart was racing and I was kinda hoping she'd say no but I asked her to be my sponsor and she said yes. I drank my last drink that night and went to my first meeting of my homegroup as their newest member.
I had a few spiritual experiences for the next two days. Things I can't explain but got dropped in my lap. These things, along with the miracle of that text, made my path very clear. It wasn't what I chose. It was what was put in front of me. I just walked down the path that was there.
I answered a text for a commitment I made on a whim. A commitment I made to please everyone but myself. My higher power called me though a text from a sober alcoholic. All I did was say yes. That yes has saved my life.
So if someone calls, maybe they're calling for a reason that neither of you are aware of. You don't know if you don't answer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS
If I may share how someone's call, or text as it was, changed things for me.
So when I moved to Seattle earlier this year, I drifted around from meeting to meeting. I managed to go to meetings but not really meet anyone. I fulfilled the letter of the law, if not the spirit. So one day, I find myself at a yong peoples meeting. They seemed like a nice enough bunch and I was determined to make them like me. The secretary of the meeting said she needed volunteers for a small conference being held in a couple of months. Eager to seem well, eager, I signed up to serve a shift at the registration table. I gave them my number and thought nothing of it. Look at me! Volunteering!
A couple of weeks later, I was not attending meetings. I had crawled back in the bottle and I stayed there for quite some time. I ditched calls from my Mom and I found myself avoiding contact with anyone besides my husband hard to avoid him while living with him) and the clerks at my grocery stores where I bought my alcohol. My world had shrunk yet again and I was stuck.
So one day, my phone alerts me to a text message. For once, it isn't my Mom wondering how I am because I haven't called her in a week. It's Her...the secretary from that freaking meeting. She wanted to know if I was still on for the service commitment I had made. My blood ran cold. I was drunk, I was scared and I was confused. What do I do?
I thought about not responding. I mean, she barely knew me so it's not like I owed her anything. Why should I be held to this commitment I made months ago? Wouldn't be the first time I flaked out. I looked at that message for two days. I thought hard on it and drank harder. Once again, I wanted her to like me so I responded that I'd be there. I believe that was on a Thursday.
That following Saturday, I found myself driving south of Seattle with a terrible hangover. My shirt was on right side out and I even managed to get my eyeliner and mascara on without putting an eye out. I parked somewhere where I didn't have to go up or down too many steps to get where I needed to get. I'm not good with stairs when I'm coming off a drunk.
I plastered a smile on and helped people register. Everyone was so frogdamn happy. They sat me next to a talkative woman who seemed determined to share with me how wonderful AA was and how much she loved her homegroup (shout out to Empire Way) and how much AA worked for her. I couldn't figure out which was worse, the smiling faces or my aching head. I attended a single panel after my shift was over and promptly returned home. I must say, it's awful miserable to go pick up a box of wine with your head full of AA. I felt like something shifted in me and my situation was clearly about to change. I wasn't thrilled but I was feeling resigned.
I texted the secretary who contacted me that Sunday and asked if she'd meet me Monday. She suggested a meeting and we c
ould talk after that. *deepbreathremembertobreathei'mscaredi'mscaredi'ms cared* okay. Looking forward to it!
I barely remember the meeting. This must be how a teenage boy feels before he asks a girl to prom. My heart was racing and I was kinda hoping she'd say no but I asked her to be my sponsor and she said yes. I drank my last drink that night and went to my first meeting of my homegroup as their newest member.
I had a few spiritual experiences for the next two days. Things I can't explain but got dropped in my lap. These things, along with the miracle of that text, made my path very clear. It wasn't what I chose. It was what was put in front of me. I just walked down the path that was there.
I answered a text for a commitment I made on a whim. A commitment I made to please everyone but myself. My higher power called me though a text from a sober alcoholic. All I did was say yes. That yes has saved my life.
So if someone calls, maybe they're calling for a reason that neither of you are aware of. You don't know if you don't answer.
So when I moved to Seattle earlier this year, I drifted around from meeting to meeting. I managed to go to meetings but not really meet anyone. I fulfilled the letter of the law, if not the spirit. So one day, I find myself at a yong peoples meeting. They seemed like a nice enough bunch and I was determined to make them like me. The secretary of the meeting said she needed volunteers for a small conference being held in a couple of months. Eager to seem well, eager, I signed up to serve a shift at the registration table. I gave them my number and thought nothing of it. Look at me! Volunteering!
A couple of weeks later, I was not attending meetings. I had crawled back in the bottle and I stayed there for quite some time. I ditched calls from my Mom and I found myself avoiding contact with anyone besides my husband hard to avoid him while living with him) and the clerks at my grocery stores where I bought my alcohol. My world had shrunk yet again and I was stuck.
So one day, my phone alerts me to a text message. For once, it isn't my Mom wondering how I am because I haven't called her in a week. It's Her...the secretary from that freaking meeting. She wanted to know if I was still on for the service commitment I had made. My blood ran cold. I was drunk, I was scared and I was confused. What do I do?
I thought about not responding. I mean, she barely knew me so it's not like I owed her anything. Why should I be held to this commitment I made months ago? Wouldn't be the first time I flaked out. I looked at that message for two days. I thought hard on it and drank harder. Once again, I wanted her to like me so I responded that I'd be there. I believe that was on a Thursday.
That following Saturday, I found myself driving south of Seattle with a terrible hangover. My shirt was on right side out and I even managed to get my eyeliner and mascara on without putting an eye out. I parked somewhere where I didn't have to go up or down too many steps to get where I needed to get. I'm not good with stairs when I'm coming off a drunk.
I plastered a smile on and helped people register. Everyone was so frogdamn happy. They sat me next to a talkative woman who seemed determined to share with me how wonderful AA was and how much she loved her homegroup (shout out to Empire Way) and how much AA worked for her. I couldn't figure out which was worse, the smiling faces or my aching head. I attended a single panel after my shift was over and promptly returned home. I must say, it's awful miserable to go pick up a box of wine with your head full of AA. I felt like something shifted in me and my situation was clearly about to change. I wasn't thrilled but I was feeling resigned.
I texted the secretary who contacted me that Sunday and asked if she'd meet me Monday. She suggested a meeting and we c
ould talk after that. *deepbreathremembertobreathei'mscaredi'mscaredi'ms cared* okay. Looking forward to it!
I barely remember the meeting. This must be how a teenage boy feels before he asks a girl to prom. My heart was racing and I was kinda hoping she'd say no but I asked her to be my sponsor and she said yes. I drank my last drink that night and went to my first meeting of my homegroup as their newest member.
I had a few spiritual experiences for the next two days. Things I can't explain but got dropped in my lap. These things, along with the miracle of that text, made my path very clear. It wasn't what I chose. It was what was put in front of me. I just walked down the path that was there.
I answered a text for a commitment I made on a whim. A commitment I made to please everyone but myself. My higher power called me though a text from a sober alcoholic. All I did was say yes. That yes has saved my life.
So if someone calls, maybe they're calling for a reason that neither of you are aware of. You don't know if you don't answer.
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
It is scary to make contact with others.
One thing I heard or read early on was to let others help me. That is is selfish not to allow someone to give me a hand.
This was a new concept to me. We stay sober by helping others, by giving it away. If you look at from the view that you are helping that other person by picking up the phone when they call or returning that call. It not only gets me out of my head but helped them get out of theirs.
When I am talking to another alcoholic all of my own insecurities, problems, issues fade away, even if it only for five minutes. That is five minutes I am not thinking of myself.
Selfishness is the root my problem and it is something I have to work on all the time. I am not very good at it yet, how will it benefit me? goes through my head still. How will it benefit the other person, is where I need my thoughts to go.
When someone calls, think to yourself "I am helping them" it makes it easier to pick up that heavy phone.
One thing I heard or read early on was to let others help me. That is is selfish not to allow someone to give me a hand.
This was a new concept to me. We stay sober by helping others, by giving it away. If you look at from the view that you are helping that other person by picking up the phone when they call or returning that call. It not only gets me out of my head but helped them get out of theirs.
When I am talking to another alcoholic all of my own insecurities, problems, issues fade away, even if it only for five minutes. That is five minutes I am not thinking of myself.
Selfishness is the root my problem and it is something I have to work on all the time. I am not very good at it yet, how will it benefit me? goes through my head still. How will it benefit the other person, is where I need my thoughts to go.
When someone calls, think to yourself "I am helping them" it makes it easier to pick up that heavy phone.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
An AA member rang me the morning after my last binge. I don't remember much about anything else, but I remember that call like it was yesterday.
He asked how I was doing, I told him. He said he thought that might have happened. Then he invited me to join him at a meeting that night. I said yes, and never drank again. Neither did he. He's still sober today.
He asked how I was doing, I told him. He said he thought that might have happened. Then he invited me to join him at a meeting that night. I said yes, and never drank again. Neither did he. He's still sober today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
I rang him back and yes it was weird to start with but we had a good chat and a laugh.Yes I'm scared but a good scared,I'm taking my sobriety seriously for the first time and I'm thankful for that.Thanks to those who replied,I probably would of struggled to ring back.
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