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Old 05-31-2014, 08:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hi :)


I am new here and have been watching this site for awhile. I love how everyone is no honest and forthcoming on here. A little about me: I grew up with two alcoholic parents and vowed to never be like them, but here I am. I didn't starting drinking alcoholically until much, much later in life. I had a very rough childhood, we were very poor, moved constantly because of the abusive relationships that my mother was in, molestation and pure chaos.
I ended up graduating from high school. first one to go to college in my family and felt very optimistic about my future. I married young, had a great husband, children, home and security. Then out of the blue I developed an eating disorder and started drinking constantly. I brought pure chaos to my family and my poor children. I have been sober over a year and I still consider suicide on a daily basis. I feel no self worth anymore and am really still only in this world because I don't want to hurt my family, not because I want to here.
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome Jennifer! This is intense and we're here to help. I invite you over to the moms daily support forum. A bunch of very supportive women all trying to figure out how to be moms, partners and recovering alcoholics.

Happy to have you here.
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Jenifer

Congratulations on your year.

If you're considering suicide on a daily basis then obviously something is wrong somewhere.

Do you have a Dr or a therapist you can talk to?

D
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You'll find all sorts of help here! Please browse the forum index and explore!
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Coldfusion found treatment at Whatcom County Social Detox
Old 05-31-2014, 09:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks Babs! I have never really gotten a chance to tell even that much of my story. I know it's a lot, but I NEED to be better because I almost feel that one day, no matter how small the incidence may be, I will check out forever. I feel like a ticking time bomb and I don't know if I will be able to handle it
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Dee, I actually just finished counseling, I went for a year and can no longer afford it. I don't think we ever really got to the things we needed to. I just have a really hard time opening up
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm sorry it's no longer affordable for you.

I do think it's important you have places you can turn to tho - there are some readings, links to other forums that deal specifically with suicide and crisis line numbers here.

Even if you don't feel you need the information now, please take note of the link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

I remember when I was suicidal everything seemed black and hopeless because I was right in the middle of it.
Sometimes it can really help to have someone else looking at the same thing from a different perspective.

D
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks so much for the support everyone! I hope to be in a much better place someday soon. I know I am much better place than I was a year ago, but have a long ways to go. I just need to find the right route....
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Old 05-31-2014, 10:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Sorry, this was probably TMI for my first time on here...
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Old 05-31-2014, 10:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hope you are ok... Life can be better. I'm a mother aswell. Sobriety is best for you and your family. Alcohol messes with brain chemistry and can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. In the past I've thought I was going crazy.
Hang on in there... Post and stay well.
Much love Heather xxx
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Old 05-31-2014, 10:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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**, Jenifer. Welcome to SR. No such thing as TMI here. You'll get a lot of support here, and I think the fact you regained sobriety despite such intense depression should really inspire others. Glad you found us.
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Old 05-31-2014, 10:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi Jenifer, welcome to SR!

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I'm curious about the "out of the blue" part of your story--do you have any guesses about what triggered everything to start?
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Old 05-31-2014, 10:27 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I guess it really wasn't out of the blue, but I really didn't see alcohol being my solution at the time. I think there were two things that triggered me. The first one being the fact that I was molested was known by no one but me and my molester. I told my husband after about 15 years of marriage only because an eating disorder began and he was questioning that, I told him what happened and soon felt that it was a mistake to tell him, not because of how he reacted but because I now had to deal with it. It had been stuffed away so long and I often told myself if no one knew that it didn't really happen. The second thing I am guessing is my daughter had a friend who was being molested and I found out about it from her by accident and it sent me into a spin that I didn't see coming
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Old 05-31-2014, 11:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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It's been a over a year and I hope I can see a better future soon...
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Old 05-31-2014, 11:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
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You will recover from this. These things need dealt with. It's unhealthy to keep things to yourself. There will be a brighter future. Focus on the now. Be grateful for the good in your life. Try not to be the victim. I know these are just words and hard to put into practice but you owe it to yourself. Be strong. Get any help you can. Hope you can get closure xxx
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Old 05-31-2014, 11:23 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hi Jenifer welcome to SR.

So sorry for your situation at this time. I hope we can be of some help to you here. Sometimes it's easier to open up to people half way across the world with similar problems. Once you get to know folk here and trust them, you'll find a most supportive group and helpful. I feel like I'm part of a family.

Take care xx
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Old 05-31-2014, 11:26 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I wonder if there might be some no charge resources for you, like a support group for survivors of sexual abuse. Maybe check out rainn.org? Talking about it can help, even if it feels at the time like it's just stirring things up and making them worse.

Hugs to you, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
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Old 05-31-2014, 11:32 PM   #18 (permalink)
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The problem is now I don't know how to deal with it. Counseling didn't get me there and I really don't know what the next step is supposed to be. My self worth is worse than before because of what I put my family through while drinking.... I feel like what's left of life will just be "white knuckling"

Ok, enough of the pity party... Thanks guys!!
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Old 05-31-2014, 11:33 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks KitKat, I will look into it
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Old 05-31-2014, 11:33 PM   #20 (permalink)
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You can now stay sober and be an asset to your family
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