Ok, I have a hurt

...sorry posted in wrong thread...

My marriage is a hot mess, so no advice here, but he sounds like a great guy, shows his love in sweet, quiet ways. I wouldn't trade him for a new one either, lol.
Congrats on the sober time! :)

What's wrong Raider?

That has been my experience too Raider. The only time he talks is when he is complaining and not very affectionate. I go back and forth at times Best Husband Ever/Biggest Ahole Ever. He doesn't even drink so it is solely me changing back. I think this is just all part of recovering. When I am really angry I just hold my tongue and by the next day I am glad I just let whatever blow over.

Ok as long as we are talking about sober life....I don't much care for it. That is the honest truth. It's ok. I am days away from 4 months. I feel there are stages in our sobriety, not all the same for all the people. First, detox. Second, rehab with a 30 day intensive crash course on addiction, Third, use the tools learned to live a sober life. Fourth, accept that sobriety is what it is for the rest of your life - YES forevvvvvvvvvvvvah.

I have one through three. Four NO

I don't believe in long term sobriety. I just don't. I can't have it and only the strong few has what it takes. I do whatever it takes just for today. And today alone. I will worry about later, later.

But if you ask me if am going to be sober the rest of my life, I would answer that highly doubt it.

I am going to raise my hand here and say I too don't like being sober, I know its not what any of you want to hear but it's the truth..... but if I drink it will kill me , I have a liver problem . So sober it is. I hope that one day I will feel differently and enjoy a sober life and I hope you find that to Raider .

Raider - I'm not strong. I have 6 yrs. only because I know if I touch it again I'll die. I've proven that to myself after 30 yrs. of drinking. I kept playing with it because I couldn't face life sober until I was ready. It turned out I was never ready - and the choice was made for me. Quit or die.

You're a strong person or you wouldn't have come this far. You wouldn't be here trying to make sense of it all - you'd have given up long ago.

Aussie thank you. I appreciate it.

Aussie - I didn't see what you posted until I finished my post - we share the same motivation.

Raider, have you made any other changes in your life besides stopping drinking? I know you have the Fuzz and that's great, but have you gotten involved in other activities or anything like that? I needed to find things to do that fulfilled me.

I volunteer at a senior center. And a travel a lot to Alaska and the cabin.

That's pretty much how it is done Raider. The first part of this was really rough for me too. You sound like somebody at 4 months. Keep holding on and keep doing what you are doing. It is working.

I agree with Anna.
Just not drinking was not enough for me.
It didn't fix my life, or any of the problems in me.

I needed to work on that myself. Now I have a sober life I love and meets my needs.
I don't think of drinking. I don't need to.

For me, the problem wasn't sobriety - it was me.

D

I found as I accepted almost subliminally, sobriety and I became nearer the person I wanted to be, and then I started to really enjoy the calmness as compared to the mania that I enjoyed in drink?? What or who my wife ended up with I'm unsure, we did have a period of adjustment but the reality was I was just easier to be with and probably quieter.
He lived in your noise and now has a different tune to listen to , I'm sure once he knows the new words he'll start singing.
John.

Hang in there raider, around the four month mark I felt pretty flat.
I also went through a patch where I hated my husband! All the things I was too drunk to notice were magnified. He didn't jump through hoops because I was sober which I kind of expected.
It worked itself out and were closer than ever before.
And I got my sparkle back and sobriety doesn't seem boring at all.
It'll get better, all those one day at times you talk about will add up to awesomeness!
I have followed your story since I joined and you have made a very admirable turn around of your life, you should be very proud of yourself.
I'm proud of you!!

I am three years sober. I came to acceprt that rebuilding a relationship is a slow process, as is is rebuilding myself and my life. I now regard myself and us as a couple part way along a journey.

Dealing with myself and my expectations along the way is the work

Thank you Raider for your thoughtful post

Glad to know I'm not the only one that is having trouble imagining myself sober forever. I've felt that when I finally did get sober I would be so thankful that I'd want to live this way forever. I don't have a husband, so I'm thinking I have a clean slate to work with should I ever think of having a relationship again. I'm not enjoying the thought of never doing something that I enjoyed so much in the past, I'll admit. I'm first and foremost doing it for my health and wellbeing.

Fourth, accept that sobriety is what it is for the rest of your life - YES forevvvvvvvvvvvvah.


Raider,
the way it is NOW is not written in stone.
no way no how.

as you move on, your life and your sobriety changes. . for sure. it's not a static, dead thing.

but saying you can't have longterm sobriety IS something close to writing out the future story...it's prescriptive, and likely to set you up...

you might decide to work on writing a different one.

Look at the totality of sober life vs the drinking life Raider. Can you honestly say that the way you were living your life 6 months ago would be better than it is now? Too often we forget all the bad that comes along with a few moments of temporary escape. For me personally, drinking was something I HAD to do towards the end. I didn't drink to feel good, I drank because I would have withdrawals if I didn't. And that doesn't even scratch the surface of how selfish I was to spend my day worried simply about where my next drink was hiding.