justinJustQuit

So my car got wrecked because some woman was texting and driving. Brand new 40,000 dollar Mustang gt. It'll be gone for a month getting fixed.

I won't sit and wine about my car, but basically I got hurt a little. Bruises, sore, black eye from smashing into steering wheel. I have scratches all over my hand, but nothing bad. I declined painkillers because I'm addicted to opiates as well. It's fine. I took some ibuprofen. I slept a lot earlier. Nothing serious.

In other news, my sister got in a car accident the exact day I did. She broke 6 bones. My nephew is in critical condition at the St. Louis Children's hospital. There were 9 kids in all, and every person in the vehicle has something broken or are injured. No one was drinking thankfully. The people in the car car that hit them have been at the hospital since the accident. A car hydroplaned in a storm and hit them head on during a church function.

It's whatever. I drank for one day after over a month sober. I don't need to detox or anything like that, but I still slipped.

I have read all the things on here about coping with bad things in life and triggers. Personally, how do you deal with that kind of a day? I turned down a beer at the bar less than two hours before all this news and felt great.

I have no motivators to drink, but it's my go to stress reliever. One day out of 30 is extremely admirable to me, and I'm so glad I've gotten this far. But the one day shouldn't have happened.

Notimetoloose

Hi Justin...Yourself, your family and the people involved are very lucky.. It is awful that so many got hurt. I am glad you are okay.
I can imagine how shaken you must have been.
Consider this a run through for when our reality turns into a nightmare and next time be ready.

I have been in the intensive care unit 3 times for my son since I got sober almost 7 months ago....I do get it....It has been so tempting but just not a solution. Not for me, not for my son.

justinJustQuit

I understand. It's just so hard to deal with.

Notimetoloose

Tell me about it. It is awful, people literally don't live through these type of accidents and the stress of the whole surreal thing is sublime.
You are back and that is what is important....Have you had a chance to talk this all through with someone?

justinJustQuit

Well I talked to family. But no one that is an alcoholic. I'm still searching for numbers for sponsor.

Thank you so much for talking to me on this difficult week by the way! It means a lot.

Dee74

I'm glad that you and your family are all ok.
How would I deal with that kind of day? I'd make sure everyone else is ok, I'd do what I can do to help.

I may need a lot of guitar or a couple of levels of a video game to decompress after...but that's what I'd do, Justin.

D

Notimetoloose

I think it is a good idea, talking about these awful events is like a debriefing and gets it all out there. Our minds can do funny things with trauma.

LadyBlue0527

Hi justin, first, I am very sorry that you've had to go through all of this. Sobriety is tough enough without all the situations that can be dealt to us. I do volunteer work with a trauma intervention program and my role on each call is to take that person from extreme despair and turmoil to the best semblance of normalcy that I can help them to achieve in a very short period of time. Our calls come in right away after the incident so I'm there immediately following whatever tragic occurrence has transpired, right in the heat of the moment.

One great lesson that I've learned is that the quicker you deal with the emotions the more quickly the level of stress over them dissipates. Even though you will continue to have emotion about the situation there's a process in the beginning of the trauma which is a short term version of the exact long term steps of grief. This is where your brain is led from disbelieving and denial to acceptance and a solid plan about the coming days. When you deaden that process with alcohol or drugs you're denying yourself something that you very much have a right to. You're prolonging resolve of the situation.

We all want to comfort and give hugs and pats on the back. We all want to tell someone "Don't cry, it's going to be ok". Believe it or not when someone does that it's more about comforting themselves because they are uncomfortable watching the person being upset. The process has to be allowed and there's nothing wrong with it. Allow yourself to experience it, you'll find a great amount of healing much more quickly than you will at the bottom of a bottle or can.

You are going to have to find a way to preplan a "go to" when you have something traumatic happen. You're here asking people how they personally handle these moments but in your post you say this:

If you've read them did you store that information for use? That's what this board is all about, gathering that information and applying it. You're asking for people's personal experiences but you already the information and didn't apply it.

You got an example of how someone decided to not use alcohol and your response was "I know, it's just so hard to deal with." It is hard, hard for everyone but you need to find a way to stop using that as a cop out when the time comes. Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not doable.

With that being said my personal experience as to how I deal with traumatic situations is that my sobriety is unconditional. There is no reason on this earth that I can come up with to drink. That's the only way I managed to stay sober.

Again, I'm sorry you're going through this but as long as you have an excuse to drink you will do just that. The only way out is to remove the choice.

IOAA2

When we stop drinking, and stay stopped, there is nothing that says lifes negative ways stop for us. Life happens and we have to learn to deal with it. We are here to learn to handle life on lifes terms, not ours. People who don’t learn this are doomed to failure, like it or not.
I’ve been sober a lot of years and still don’t go into bars. Nuf said.

BE WELL

FreeOwl

I find that physical exercise - intense, and preferably outdoors - is really helpful in dealing with life's stress and staying positive through challenges.

Simply BEING in nature, disconnecting and taking in the moment fully....

Training with other people - as in martial arts or boxing - is also really effective.

Distance running.

when I'm doing any or all of the above, it really helps.

ScottFromWI

Talking things through like this help me. I talk with my family, the doctors and nurses involved if health care is involved, most hospitals have grief counselors too if you or family members need help. Also remember that a car is just a material thing that can be repaired or replaced, what's most important is that you are safe and your nephew is getting the best care he can.

Regarding the drinking, I have to go back to the fact that you once again disappeared from SR for quite some time after making a promise to use it daily as part of your plan. I'm not sure if you did the same with other parts of your plan, but it's an daily thing this sobriety battle. We can't just take a week off or assume we are cured.

justinJustQuit

Update. I just got back from the hospital. It looks like all the people in the accident will survive. The question at this point is whether or not my nephew will talk or be "normal" again. He is still in medically induced coma, and the doctors said we should know more in the next few days, when they bring him out of the coma. Thanks for helping!

justinJustQuit

You are correct in saying that I haven't been on. But to that, the simple answer is I had no temptation and nothing to talk about. I was on responding to threads to part of that, but not all the time. I really was doing great there.

I'm not making excuses, but making it OVER a month is an EXCELLENT achievement. I'm back on the wagon, and just felt a little shaky last night. Thanks for the support friends!

Thepatman

I Sincerely hope your nephew pulls trough ok.

My thoughts are with you and your familly.

ScottFromWI

A month is a great accomplishment. My point was that sobriety is something you need to work on every day. Just because you don't have temptations that doesn't mean you don't have to worry about it anymore, or wait until a crisis happens to seek assistance. If you are in AA, you work on steps each and every day, forever. If you follow AVRT, you acknowledge the beast and your AV forever. You see the point I'm trying to make? No offense intended at all...just an observation.

Dee74

I hope your nephew will make a full recovery

Recovery to me is a lot like maintaining a car - unless you do it regularly, one day, when you really need that car, it's going to fail you.

A month is great - but a lot of us can 'do a month really great' - even I could do that back in the day.

Until you start thinking of recovery as a lifestyle constant, and unless you have a plan and a strategy for when the grit hits the fan, I fear you're always going to struggle Justin.

D