sobernat09

Hi All,

I wanted to get some of your thoughts about something that happened the other night.

First I have a little more than 3 years of sobriety and am active in AA. A few days ago I went on a first date at a restaurant and the waitress came by to take our drink orders. I almost always order water but I saw apple cider on the menu (under the non-alcoholic beverages) and ordered it. I also think I may have ordered it because the waitress seemed annoyed that I was just drinking water (caring about what she thought seems to have been my first mistake).

Anyway, we were chatting and the drinks came out (he ordered a beer) and I took a sip of the cider and thought it tasted funny and like it might have alcohol in it, but I wasn't sure and thought that it probably didn't. And I didn't want to ask the waitress if in fact it did have alcohol in it in front of my date, who didn't know that I was sober yet.

Then I decided to take another sip to be sure, and it definitely tasted like it had alcohol in it, and the fear of God shot through me like I've never felt before. All of a sudden, all of the memories of my bottom rushed over me and I felt for sure it had alcohol in. So after that sip, I put it down and didn't touch it anymore.

That night I didn't think much about it and then the next day I couldn't stop thinking about it: was it a relapse?

I shared it with my sponsor and friends, and they've told me that I wasn't sure, and that I shouldn't shame myself over it. That I didnt order an alcoholic drink and that this is just a reminder to always advocate for myself and that I'll always be certain to ask when I'm unsure again.

My intention was not to drink and I didn't think that taking the second sip, when I was unsure, would affect me like this. But now I can't stop obsessing and keep asking God to remove it.

I'd love to hear everyone's two cents, since I just want to be rigorously honest (especially when it comes to something like this).

x Natalie

grubby

I wouldn't say that's a relapse, i think a relapse involves INTENTIONAL consumption of alcohol.

For example, say someone is 9 months sober and suddenly, on a whim, decides to go to the bar to "have a few cold ones....... whats the harm?" - that's a relapse. It's the INTENTIONAL and CONSCIOUS part that makes for a relapse.

Accidentally swallowing a little bit of Listerine (contains alcohol), accidentally taking some NyQuil (contains alcohol) when you come down with a cold, accidentally eating some "alcohol glazed" food product such as alcohol-glazed chicken wings........... all of these events are just accidents and honest mistakes.

Relax, you didn't know. It was an honest mistake.

Just be more careful in the future

Stoogy

Under circumstances like that I personally would say you did not relapse, to relapse in my opinion is to actively choose to drink alcohol, I use a mouthwash containing alcohol to treat a current gum issue, but I would not call that a relapse either.

PurpleKnight

I honestly wouldn't worry about it, this question comes up now and again and I always air on the side of intention, you didn't intentionally order drink after drink and get smashed, you had 2 sips and put it to the side, that is called control and maintaining your Sobriety.

Welcome to the Forum!!

jaynie04

I believe that my sobriety rests with my intentions, it seems to me your intentions were good. You have some significant time, when I first saw the title of this thread I imagined it might be someone newly sober since it was in the Newcomers Forum, in that case I do think I would urge them to consider their rationale.

I believe sobriety rests in our minds, and that an accidental ingestion is just that. As is often mentioned, drinking is but a symptom. If you know you are secure I don't believe it is necessary to draw a huge line in the sand and say you broke your sobriety. In fact I would encourage you to move on and chalk this up as a learning experience. We tend to be all or none, and while I don't think it serves any of us to be laissez-faire about what we ingest, when an accident does happen I don't think you need to think you have stained a perfect record. Sadly there are instances where people get so tangled up in a small incident like this, and think they've blown it.

I am posting this because I know that if I made a mistake I would likely beat myself up too, it is hard to have good perspective when you are going through it. I think your sponsor gave you great advice. Think of it this way, at three years of sobriety perhaps this event was meant to happen to point out how important it is to delineate and clarify even in a tentative environment. Maybe that was the message that God was sending, add it to your arsenal and keep up the great work.

Gilmer

That's not a relapse. You were innocent! Forgive yourself, be at peace, and be on the lookout from here on in.

firstymer

Not even CLOSE to a relapse. Relax. You are fine.

And congratulations on your 3 years of sobriety. It is inspirational.

Thepatman

Same as others. You stopped drinking it as soon as you realised it had booze in it.

resolute50

Just keep in mind that"cider" in some other countries is actually alcoholic by nature.
Not so in the states.
No relapse. It's all about intent.

Hope4Life

ABSOLUTELY NOT! Hold your head high and do not give it another thought.....

Now, if you had realized that it was alcoholic cider and drank it anyway, I would consider it a relapse.

Good for you on recognizing the difference and pushing it away!

aasharon90

IMO.....Your Cool

Carry on in your recovery journey.

MandalayVA

I very seriously doubt that an alcoholic beverage would be listed under non-alcoholic beverages. That restaurant would be setting itself up for a major lawsuit if it did that. I've had non-alcoholic ciders that are dry and acidic so they sort of mimic alcoholic ciders. If you're that concerned about it, call the restaurant and ask.

ScottFromWI

Yep, just a mistake, don't sweat it. In fact, you don't even know if it had alcohol in it to begin with - it could have just tasted like it as some fruit juices will ferment over time and contain minute amounts of alcohol.

Cahabr

Absolutely NOT a relapse. Continue on your sober journey and congrats on over 3 years!

DrunkTx

Been there, done that - two years ago, ordered a club soda at a bar. The two people I was with ordered gin & tonic and Gin & soda (I didn't hear their orders). I went to pick up our drinks, bartender told me one was tonic one was soda - so I assumed soda was just that. First sip strange, second sip fear of god....the distinct burn of the gin on my tongue was unmistaken able. Put down the drink, got consumed with fear - and yet, two years later not a lick of liquor. I don't even consider it a question - it was a mistake, immediately corrected, no snowball to the next drink. I agree - intent is all the difference, well and if you followed up, which you didn't.

lunar

I vote no relapse!
Number one, this wasn't intentional,
number two, you didn't just say the heck with it,
finish the first and order a few more. (then continue the next day, etc., etc.)
This was a terrible oversight on the establishment's part.
That beverage should have been labeled "hard" cider.

sobernat09

The place was an Irish pub/restaurant and I did call and ask the next day. They told me they have both, alcoholic and non-alcoholic ciders. So the waitress may have brought me the alcoholic version because my date ordered a beer. I'm still unsure, but after the second sip, it honestly tasted like it had alcohol in it so I set it down.

sobernat09

PS. Thank you all so much for the feedback. It's so very appreciated.

FreeOwl

no sense at all agonizing over this. It was a total mistake and you stopped once you realized. No big deal. The sky isn't falling and you didn't get drunk or even have enough alcohol to register in your system.

Move on and give yourself a little pat on the back for putting that drink down once you knew.

And lesson learned for us all; when ordering apple cider just order "apple juice" or "non-alcoholic apple cider" to be sure!!

PurpleKnight

Damn Irish!!