Accidental drink - relapse?
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Yeah, I'm on the no relapse side as well. I also think that your observation that you may have ordered the drink to please the server is a good one. I know that I often feel guilty when I order water. I don't like to pay for coke and I'm totally fine with water. Same thing with my husband. I think when a server hears "two waters" they may assume that we're cheap and don't tip well. Quite the opposite! We usually order a full meal with apps, main and a dessert to split. I've given up on trying to read a server's mind. It's not up to me to make them like me. Being the people pleaser that I am, that's a difficult reality to face.
I also think that you not sending the drink back is fine. It would have drawn attention to the drink and your date might have noticed and gotten curious. There's no shame in being a sober alcoholic but it's not exactly the foot you want to lead with when you're first getting to know someone, lol.
I also think that you not sending the drink back is fine. It would have drawn attention to the drink and your date might have noticed and gotten curious. There's no shame in being a sober alcoholic but it's not exactly the foot you want to lead with when you're first getting to know someone, lol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
Hi All -
So I haven't been able to sleep since I posted this last week and a couple of details haven't been sitting well with me from my story.
1) I did order an apple cider thinking it was going to be a non-alcoholic cider but when it arrived, it did look weird to me, like it might be an ale/beer. And I might have even asked the waitress had I not been on the date (not sure if I would have or not).
2) So I took the first sip. And I thought that it did taste like there was alcohol in it
(in the original post, I said that I didn't think so), although I wasn't 100% certain. But I did think it tasted like it had alcohol in it more so than I didn't. That's when I wanted to ask the waitress but decided not to because of my shame/embarrassment/whatever you might want to call it.
3) I took the second sip and and absolutely knew and then put it down.
I just haven't been able to let this all go and I'm not sure if it's because in my heart of hearts I knew the drink had liquor in it. And I'd rather reset my date than lie to myself. I'm planning on sleeping on it tonight before I decide either way.
I welcome your feedback.
Natalie
So I haven't been able to sleep since I posted this last week and a couple of details haven't been sitting well with me from my story.
1) I did order an apple cider thinking it was going to be a non-alcoholic cider but when it arrived, it did look weird to me, like it might be an ale/beer. And I might have even asked the waitress had I not been on the date (not sure if I would have or not).
2) So I took the first sip. And I thought that it did taste like there was alcohol in it
(in the original post, I said that I didn't think so), although I wasn't 100% certain. But I did think it tasted like it had alcohol in it more so than I didn't. That's when I wanted to ask the waitress but decided not to because of my shame/embarrassment/whatever you might want to call it.
3) I took the second sip and and absolutely knew and then put it down.
I just haven't been able to let this all go and I'm not sure if it's because in my heart of hearts I knew the drink had liquor in it. And I'd rather reset my date than lie to myself. I'm planning on sleeping on it tonight before I decide either way.
I welcome your feedback.
Natalie
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Nat
I think it's a lot of analysis over a few gulps of cider.
If it seems safer and more honest to you to change your date, then change it.
If you feel that would be an overreaction, then don't change it.
You were sober before the gulps, and you've been sober since, right?
D
I think it's a lot of analysis over a few gulps of cider.
If it seems safer and more honest to you to change your date, then change it.
If you feel that would be an overreaction, then don't change it.
You were sober before the gulps, and you've been sober since, right?
D
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Sobernat, i did the same date resetting thing. I relapsed in May with ten days of drinking, then got sober on May 26. The next weekend I was at the supermarket, and a lady was at a wine display handing out thimbleful sized samples of wine. She asked me if I wanted one, and I wasn't feeling it--no urge--but I kneejerked and drank it anyway.
I dutifully reset my time--but then in the long run, I came to view that slip as no more than the blip it was. It was a quick mistake, not a full-on, calculated one with the desire for alcohol.
You did not actively desire the alcohol. you sound like you are on the right track--eventually you'll have so much sober time racked up that it won't even matter which date you pick. You'll be satisfied with a consistently sober life.
I dutifully reset my time--but then in the long run, I came to view that slip as no more than the blip it was. It was a quick mistake, not a full-on, calculated one with the desire for alcohol.
You did not actively desire the alcohol. you sound like you are on the right track--eventually you'll have so much sober time racked up that it won't even matter which date you pick. You'll be satisfied with a consistently sober life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
well done telling on yourself....
but seriously; let this one go.
You have learned a valuable lesson about how we can come mistakenly into contact with what we are avoiding, but you did put it down after a couple sips confirmed it for you.
Last night, on the road, I ordered room service. I ordered two bottles of Pellegrino. Room service called back and asked to confirm the "type of italian beer" I'd ordered. For a split second that old voice in the back of the head jumped to attention, eagerly thinking this would be a great time to work in a simple slip and get me to order a couple Peroni's right then and there, on a whim.
"No, no... not BEER. WATER. P_E_L_E_G_R_I_N_O", I said... and smiled at the close call I'd just had.
I think what is probable more unsettling for you is the notion that maybe your own little voice at the back of your head also jumped to attention in that moment and whether you realize it consciously or not, maybe even took that second sip FOR you....
That can be a really unsettling feeling, but you did triumph over that voice and you did put that drink aside without further consuming it and the amount of alcohol that made its way accidentally into your body was insignificant.
Move on and give yourself a pat on the back.
but seriously; let this one go.
You have learned a valuable lesson about how we can come mistakenly into contact with what we are avoiding, but you did put it down after a couple sips confirmed it for you.
Last night, on the road, I ordered room service. I ordered two bottles of Pellegrino. Room service called back and asked to confirm the "type of italian beer" I'd ordered. For a split second that old voice in the back of the head jumped to attention, eagerly thinking this would be a great time to work in a simple slip and get me to order a couple Peroni's right then and there, on a whim.
"No, no... not BEER. WATER. P_E_L_E_G_R_I_N_O", I said... and smiled at the close call I'd just had.
I think what is probable more unsettling for you is the notion that maybe your own little voice at the back of your head also jumped to attention in that moment and whether you realize it consciously or not, maybe even took that second sip FOR you....
That can be a really unsettling feeling, but you did triumph over that voice and you did put that drink aside without further consuming it and the amount of alcohol that made its way accidentally into your body was insignificant.
Move on and give yourself a pat on the back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
I think you're all right. I wasn't 100% sure and I thought that I was strong enough to have another sip to confirm it for myself. I didn't think it was going to cause me this mental warfare.
My sponsor and all of the women I've talked to have told me to let this go and see it as a learning experience. But I didn't listen to my intuition and because of that, I feel like I failed a test. AHHH
Thankfully one of the women in my homegroup reminded me the other day that I'm a good person and to be easier on myself - just when I needed to hear it.
My sponsor and all of the women I've talked to have told me to let this go and see it as a learning experience. But I didn't listen to my intuition and because of that, I feel like I failed a test. AHHH
Thankfully one of the women in my homegroup reminded me the other day that I'm a good person and to be easier on myself - just when I needed to hear it.
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