sick of my self
 

Hello I'm totally new here and to recovery as a matter of fact I have 0 days clean. I spent last night I night binge drinking and of course I hate myself today. My life is completely messed up. I don't have a job, I'm not being a very good mother or wife, and I'm not much of a friend to myself. In fact I'm just the opposite. I don't have any friends because I just stay home n drink. This is not living. As a matter of fact I'm very slowly dying and to tell the truth right now I'd rather be dead. Any way I've tried to quit drinking before but as u can see it didn't work. I've been to detox but I left after 2 days only because I felt bad about leaving my daughter (I only had one at that time). I also tried meetings but I haven't gone to 1 in a long time. I tried to go to 1 today but when I got there they informed me that they stopped having that meeting a long time ago. This just made me want to say screw it and go drink some more, but I didn't. I found another meeting that's at 7 tonight but its to far and I waisted my bus fair on the meeting (that never happened) this morning. IDK I'm just tired. As I've already said I don't have a job so I'm on welfare. I'm suppose to go volunteer Monday to Friday to keep my benefits but I'm messing that up too. I'm going to be the reason my children are homeless. I'm always late and sometimes I don't make it at all. I came up with the idea to just go to social service n let them know I'm an alcoholic and need help. They will more then likely put me in an out patient program (which I need) but I don't want to tell on myself. What if I fail? Will they then make it a CPS issue. I'm so scared idk what to do. If I keep going like this I will fail at life but if I rat myself out and I fail (drink again) what will happen to me? To my kids? I just want to be normal. I just don't want to be me.

Hi mrsjosaphat, so sorry for what you're going through.
This is a good place to start if you want to stop drinking, some good advice and experiences, which helped me, too.

Sorry I can't be of practical help for you and your children but I'm sure more people who have experienced will be along soon. Take care xx

Welcome to SR.
Any chance you can call AA and ask someone to come see you or take you to that meeting?
That's how I got started. I spent some time with someone before the meeting, and then I had a buddy who took care of me for the first few weeks until I got to know my way around.

Thank u all so much. Just the acknowledgement it self helps. Sometime I feel really alone this so proved I'm not. @gottalife I wouldn't know who to call

Welcome, mrsjosaphat :wave: So glad you found us :hug:

Hi mrsjosaphat - your situation sounds really overwhemling for you at the moment. The one thing I truely believe is if you keep drinking it will only get worse. SR is so incredibly supportive - you can do your volunteering and spend hours on this website. Read and post here alot. A driving force in me getting sober was the fear of me losing my husband and children. As my head is a little clearer (Day 23 sober) and I realise how important it is for my own self-respect. Welcome to SR.

Welcome, mrsjosaphat. ((hugs))

I don't have any experience with what you're going through, but just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

Alcohol brings us all to our knees, doesn't it.

welcome, im in the same boat as u hun xx

Keep trying and im sure we all can try to help each other.

You can take the first step and stop drinking. Do you drink everyday? Do you need detox? Does your husband work?

You're problems can be dealt with, but sobriety is what you need in order to handle all the issues. It won't be easy, but it can be achieved. Many people here have been in a similar spot and they were able to pull themselves out of what seemed like a deep, dark hole. Stick around here for support and help. Also, have you tried a program like AA? You may find that to be a good start. I checked the Nassau County AA site, and there are a number of meetings in and around Freeport.

Nassau Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous, Nassau County, New York

I have been to a meeting before s I guess yes I've tried AA. As for the web site that's where I got that morning meeting from and I've been to the meeting at Freeport library but their not holding one today that's tomorrow. And I've seen the other two in Freeport as a matter of fact I live right next door to one but unfortunately I don't speak Spanish. As for my husband no he doesn't work as a matter of fact he technically isn't suppose to be here due to a old restraining order that the judge gave on my behalf. He actually just got out of jail for violating it. I didn't call the cops they came to serve him papers (child support for his first daughter not with me) its all one big mess

It's great to meet you mrsj. I'm so sorry for the painful situation you find yourself in, but hold on to the hope that things can change and be good again.

I felt so much better when I came here. Just knowing I wasn't alone anymore was such a relief. I never had anyone in my life to talk to about my drinking. Being here gives us chance to be honest and open about what we're going through. I hope you'll keep posting - glad you found us.

Welcome! Just try one little baby steps at a time, minute by minute if you need.

Please don't be to hard on yourself, the guilt only discourages if we let it consume us. Baby steps friend, baby steps

mrsjosaphat Welcome...It is great that you are here...You said that you don't know what to do, you are doing it, you are reaching out and recognising that changes need to be made.

I hope all goes well with the outpatients help...

I am not AA but I think it is a great idea to be around people that know where you are coming from and also can offer a lot to help you.

Hi and welcome mrsjosaphat :)

I'm not an American so I can't answer your CPS questions. Hopefully someone else will, cos I think it's important you get some local help.

I know you'll find a lot of support here too. Sr helped me change my life - it's a good place to find :)

D

Welcome. There is so much support to be had here. I have not been in your situation, so do not have specific advice, but I do think if you can get to some meetings, you will find rides and support to get you started.

Just want to offer you support and welcome you.

Hey MrsJ! Have you tried calling your areas AA intergroup? They may be able to find someone to take you to a meeting. It's nice to go with someone at first because they can introduce you to some people and talk to you about the program. Don't hesitate to call anyone in AA. We all rely on asking for help and giving help. It's a very circular program. :)

Thank you so much everyone for all the support. This is so much better then getting down on myself. The support, the other post, just knowing ur not alone helps a lot.