thawk86

Does sobriety have to be forever? Is it different for everyone? Is it okay to want to be sober long enough to get yourself together to a point where you have control over it again and it can return to being only an aspect of your social life, rather than a more everyday/every other day cure for boredom?

Vanduara

((thawk86))

I know EXACTLY what you mean....

ontherightpath

Sobriety is a choice. A daily choice. One day at a time. I WANTED to be sober forever when I committed to recovery, however I didn't follow through. So my actions did not meet my outward wants. Can it return to being ONLY an aspect of YOUR social life? Guess that investigating is up to you, for me, if I am socially drinking, it requires ALOT of effort to keep it under control. And I typically fail miserably!

I think I have finally learned that it's not about forever, it's about today. If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you'll crap on today!!!!!
Today I make the choice to do whatever necessary to stay away from the first drink.

Best wishes to you

pblack177

I think we're pretty much garaunteed to eventually fall back into old patterns if we do that.

i.e you could be sober 5 years then decide you can do controlled drinking and eventually you'll be where you are now

jason2

Nicely posted. This is a very fair question. I'm not sure what "Sobriety" even really means. I'd like to see someone define it well because it seems like one can be a dry drunk or sober moderate drinker. I myself have been sober for nearly 3 years now. I only drink rarely and in moderation. Your ability to soberly moderate may depend on your comfort level. It will be interesting to see how other people respond to this question. Thanks for your post.

Dee74

To me yeah it has to be forever.

I spent 20 years trying to haggle, plead, beg, and wrest some kind of resolution where I could drink...and not have the negative consequences.

I finally accepted I couldn't learn control because I never had it begin with, Drinking was always about getting wasted for me.

I thought not drinking would be the end of me - a grey dull little life, with no joy, no colour, nothing to live for.

In fact - not drinking set me free.
I love who I am sober, and I love the life I've built.

I know how scary it is..it's like you're leaving life as you know it behind.
If that's too scary, it's ok to take it day by day.

Thats how all of us live anyway - we can't live in tomorrow or yesterday.

I started off committing to one day sober, then committing to the next and the next and next...

before I knew it forever no longer scared me, cos I was doing it - and not drinking felt good. Really good

Stick with it a while thawk....see what happens

D

Dee74

For me, it's actually not that complex Jason.
As an alcoholic in recovery, sober means I don't drink at all, ever.

D

Kitkat331

I think it's ok to want that, but lots of people with tons of sobriety report that when they resume drinking, they drink hard.

I've told myself I will be sober until my kids are grown (about 11 years) and then I'll revisit the subject. By then I may decide I want to just stick with sobriety, or maybe not. But that for me takes the pressure off "forever" without making me feel I will begin drinking soon.

Kitkat331

Yeah I agree with Dee...if you are drinking in moderation, I would not refer to yourself as "sober". That word means "not drinking". Call yourself a light drinker/moderate drinker/social drinker/etc but you are not sober.

bookmaven

I know that sobriety for me is abstinence one day at a time. Period. I have tried, and failed too many times to moderate or control my drinking. I also don't consider drinking in moderation sober at all. You may not be alcoholic, but certainly if you drink at all you are not sober. It takes weeks for the brain and body to rid itself of the toxic effects of even one drink.

Mags1

If we was to take a breathalyser sober means no milligrams of alcohol at all.

For me it has to be that way, that bottle is too steep to climb out of, personally speaking.

DisplacedGRITS

My relationship with alcohol won't ever change. I can wish it to change but i might as well wish for wings while i'm at it. I've proven that i can not drink. I've one that plenty of times. I've also proven that when i do drink, my old habits are right there. I don't process alcohol the same way normies do. I experience the phenomena of craving. Normies don't. I can either enjoy my drinking or control it. Not both.

If you can moderate and not feel shackled by that, then good for you. But if you're a typical alcoholic, like me, moderation is a pipe dream. i don't concentrate on never drinking again. I just worry about today. Today, i won't drink. That's good enough for me right now.

If you can moderate and be happy, then good for you. I hate to tell you this, but the odds are that you're a typical alcoholic and can't drink without the negative consequences eventually taking over.

Chicagoan

Great post DG!
You covered it pretty well.

bookmaven

This reminds me of a saying my aunt from Texas would say, "you can wish in one hand and $h!+ in the other. See which one fills up first"

Don't forget that alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease. A normal drinker could become addicted to alcohol at any time.

deeker

You mean get to a point where you have it all together again so you can drink again and then throw it all away?

hardhearts

Personally, I can't think about sobriety as being forever like some people can. That's fatal for me, I get overwhelmed with the thought and the absoluteness of it all and then I crash and burn. My sobriety is for today, each day, one day at a time. The future is just that - the future. And I'll worry about those days of sobriety when I get to them.

At the same time, I know I will never "get myself together" and go back out. I am still the same person with the same illness and compulsion, I am just working a program and living a sober life. Could I go back out and toe the line? Yeah. But eventually I won't want to anymore. I used to set limits for myself - sober until this day, I'll work my program for five months and reevaluate, etc. But if I give myself those deadlines it's easier to push them closer, easier to find excuses. So for me, drinking will never be about moderation.

PurpleKnight

I decided to be Sober as I'd never have 1 drink, I'd drink until I blacked out.

However having been Sober now for over 6 months, I'm not in some way cured or fixed, if I drank now, I'd drink until I blacked out, same old routine, I wouldn't somehow have control just from being Sober for a period of time!!

For me, Sobriety keeps the door of loosing control firmly closed!!

ElleDee

I think it's possible for some people.

HeadLump

When I first stopped drinking I wanted it to be forever, but couldn't imagine that it would be

When I started feeling better, I began to think about drinking at some point in the future

When I read posts here at SR, I started to realise how easy it would be to slip back to the old ways and how hard it could be to embrace sobriety again

When I thought about the way I used to drink, I knew that I would be unable to moderate and that, even if I could, it wouldn't satisfy me

When I realised how good I felt physically, and even more importantly, psychologically, I was surprised to see that I didn't want to drink again

Now I can't imagine drinking, but I certainly didn't start out that way. There's something about sobriety that draws you in if you let it

mfanch

These questions are not even on my radar anymore. I am indifferent to alcohol/drugs and rarely think about using them. They have no place in my life today.

So I suppose it is different for everyone. I went years-long periods without drink/drugs but thought about when I could return to them with impunity. (which is never) I always slid back into the old ways.

I needed a personality change on a fundamental level, not a maintenance plan. Using was just a symptom for me.