AshleyRea

Hello everyone, I'm new here and thought I would put my story out there to get some advice. I'm 23 yrs old and have been in recovery for opiate addiction for 6 months now, me and my husband of 5 yrs were methadone and oxycodone users together. Last summer I had learned that my husband had started dabbling in meth on top of the opiates, he lost his job and things went bad really quickly. He ended up stealing my car multiple times and wiping our bank account clean, I also forgot to mention we have a four yr old daughter together also, about 8 months ago he started going on binges, starting with a couple of days gone with no call or any communication, everytime he took off and left me he was gone longer. I ended up detoxing off the opiates in November. And I've been going through hell with him ever since, the last time he left me and my daughter he was gone for three weeks with no word and shows up at my home in full withdrawal from the meth, he said he wanted to get clean and was done with all that now. While he was withdrawing this time he was very violent and emotional. It was the first time he had ever layed his hands on me in 5 yrs. He only ended up staying a week and took off again 3 days ago. He has admitted to me that he has also been selling the meth to support his addiction. I know everytime I let him into my home with this false hope I am hurting myself and my daughter even more. It's so hard because he was my first love and I keep thinking maybe this time things will be different. I'm scared cause I know I can't live my life with him anymore, but if I completely write him off I feel like he will never get help and my daughter will have lost her dad forever. I just want to help him but really don't even think its possible anymore and when he's gone I'm hurt wondering where he is and who's he's with. I am going through depression which will turn to rage and anxiety about my failed marriage and this man I can't save as much as I want to. My next option is divorce. I'm to the point where I have already tried hurting myself and am mentally and emotionally drained from this. I have no one to talk to and thought this might help me just to have someone hear me.

least

Welcome to the family. If I were in your position I'd make a new life for me and my daughter without him. He's proven irresponsible and unreliable. Not likely to change any time soon.

We also have Friends and Family forums for people with a loved one who is addicted. Take a look and post your questions there for further insight from those who have walked your path.

Chicagoan

How much abuse can one person endure?

It's time to make some drastic changes
for you and your daughter.

As for him, he will either get well,
or he wont. It's almost impossible
for you to remain well under such
circumstances.

cusper

I think when you have a child you have to think about what this is teaching them. I would leave him if I were in that position. You want your child to have the best possible influences you can give them. He may never quit but you have to do what is best for you and your daughter.

SeekingGrowth

^This. You know that he will only find recovery if and when when he's ready, and that there is nothing you can do to make that happen. Continuing to be with him now, while he is in active addiction, is far too damaging to you and your little girl. If he ever gets into recovery, he will most likely seek you and his daughter out. In the meantime, his presence in your daughter's life is very bad for her. I agree with your conclusion that you have to let him go, as hard and as sad as that is.

Ruby2

Sorry you are going through this. You can't help him. He has to figure it out for himself. If you let him stay he will only keep doing what he is doing, leaving you stone broke and heartbroken.

I'm telling you this because I've lived your life except my husband is a cocaine addict and not meth. Disappearing. Taking the car and draining the accounts. Pawned all the tools, his wedding ring, my wedding ring. Lying, threats.

"This time" will never be different from the last time. It just won't until you make yourself and your daughter a priority and leave him to figure it out for himself. I tried for nine years to get my husband to change. To quit. No amount of pleading, begging, yelling, made a difference. He just promised that this time, baby, I'm going to change. This time is different. He has cycled in and out of sobriety and relapse so many times my head was spinning. Your husband now is not the man you married so make any decisions on what you know now, not on what he was like and what you hoped things would be like.

My husband is sober for the time being and we are still together. He seems different and has been working a job, going to AA meetings, working with his sponsor, etc. He got sober and started working on his sobriety only after I got sober (I'm an alcoholic), got tired of numbing myself to the pain, and kicked him out of the house, not caring if we stayed together or not, I wasn't going to deal with the bull anymore. It was dragging me under. He didn't come home for Christmas. He was out at the local crack house. Spending time with a bunch of addicts and thieves instead of his wife and children. I refused to let him back in. He finally started getting sober, again, at that point.

It can get better but take care of you first. Come here for support. There are a bunch of people who understand what it is like to work on kicking your own addiction and be married or involved with an addict still actively using. It is hard. You can do it. Hugs.