AlliH

I know this may be silly. My fiancé and I have been together for over 5 years now. I am concerned that he is going to leave me if I do not get my drinking under control.

Obviously, this is one GREAT reason for me to get my act together.

That being said, I have talked to him and he told me that everything is okay. But, I quietly wonder to myself how it can be? Should I continue to be worried? Does anybody else every feel this way?

Coldfusion

Alli, have you ever read anything in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section of this forum? Your addiction affects those around you in many ways.

While worrying about your relationship might not be productive, I think it would be a good idea to continue to consider the reasons for staying sober. Many addicts feel the way you do, and we just learn to live with the fact that we are not okay with addictive substances. Our partners need to live with this also.

AlliH

He absolutely will. But I'm worried that I've done too much damage while drunk. It's just one other thing to add to the list of "what scares me" that I'm dealing with while quitting.

ScottFromWI

If your drinking is a concern to you, that's all that matters. We also vastly underestimate the effect our drinking has on others, whether they say anything or not.

Bottom line, if you think drinking is causing problems, work on a way to stop drinking.

DoubleDragons

If you show him what a strong amazing woman you are for facing your demons and conquering them, I bet he'll love you even more!!

AlliH

Thank you. That is one of the reasons I know I have to stop this cycle. I only hope that I'm stopping in time.

Hawk07

I worried about that too and my fiancé left me (after several warnings). It wasn't what I wanted but it was what I needed to get a fire lit under my butt on the path to sobriety. The main thing is you're making an effort to stop drinking now and each sober day will increase your confidence and in turn strengthen and enrich your relationship with your fiancé. I'd trust that he loves you and that things are still okay for now but it's one more reason amongst many to stop drinking.

LBrain

However, if he keeps telling you everything will be okay and you continue to drink, don't expect his answer to never change.

When others in our lives tell us everything will be okay, they are being hopeful. If you can pull yourself through and conquer this, there is no reason to worry.

I was given many chances years ago. I used up my last one not realizing it WAS the last one.

Chicagoan

You can't do it solely for your fiancé,
you must do it for YOU.

Imagine having a bad argument with him,
you are going to think "I done it for him".
You could be more apt to start drinking
again.

You both will benefit from your
decision.

Spinach

Whatever happens giving up drinking can only help you, but by helping you ,your friends and bf might just get a better relationship with you.
Remember if he says don't worry, dont . Tell him you need to do this and ask for his help.
I can't see he'll be anything but happy.
Good luck.

Hawk07

Chicagoan,

True true. That's the mistake I made.

AlliH

I understand those things. You are certainly right. It is just one reason among many good ones to stop drinking!

I know that I have to not just for my relationship, but for my health, my self esteem, and my mental state.

I know that I can do this with such a great support group and I am REALLY trying hard to get to where I need to be.

Aellyce

It's one of the many reasons, but from what I have seen and experienced, the main reason should be YOU for it to be successful. It is great that he is supportive and continues to stand by you. So many people lose important relationships due to their drinking.

I did feel the way you do with my girlfriend. I was really questioning her peace and acceptance of me. In fact, she always refused to acknowledge that I had a real addiction despite seeing it and experiencing how my drinking introduced a wall between us. We discussed these things repeatedly since I've been sober and she still won't agree that I am an alcoholic. She just idealizes me no matter what - for her it's a sort of self-defense mechanism, I think. Was very "handy" during my drinking times, of course. She has her own personal issues and we are working on the relationship together, but these days more often than not, I feel it is not going to last very long now, not because of my drinking but because now sober I'm realizing many of my needs that were suppressed by my drinking and depression, and they may get in the way in one form or another.

hopeful4

What may seem fine now can definitely change as your life together progresses. I know I was fine with my husband's drinking until I had children. I began to see how they were affected by it and it became progressively worse. It made us all miserable.

I hope you choose recovery not only for your fiancée, but for yourself.

Good Luck!

ReadyAtLast

This is something you have to do for you, not him. even if he forgives you for everything you've done doesn't mean he will continue to do so. Also think what happens years down the line and you're married with children-the impact of drunken events will have an even more serious impact then. At least when you are sober you never have to worry about this sort of thing happening again.For me, that is the best thing about being sober-the peace of mind and never waking up in the morning with the fear,shame and dread about what I did last night

AlliH

I am absolutely choosing recovery for myself. There is no doubt about that.

I don't want to drink myself to death. I don't want to deal with the extra baggage that it creates any more. I want to be healthy and I want to be happy!

But I feel that if something happened right now, it may cause another relapse and that I need to tread lightly. I am trying to keep my life as balanced as possible right now.

Chicagoan

Stay sober and everything else will
fall into place. It is miraculous how
that happens.

hopeful4

Alli, I will tell you what I told my X husband. There will always be tragedy, there will always be celebrations, there will always be reasons to drink if you are looking for them. The best thing you can do is replace those habits with new, sober ones. Have a huge support system. Be ready so when life does upset the applecart you are prepared and not taken off guard.

You deserve happiness. I hope you are successful in your recovery!!!

God Bless!

Sulu1

Well my last relationship fell apart partly because of the fact that the trust was really gone as soon as I lied over and over about my drinking. I do think we naturally grew apart as well, but by the end we really didn't have much in common anymore.

I think at our young age '22' she had enough on her plate without my multitude of problems as well. I'm not finding it easy but I have accepted it was probably for the best and I'm trying to forgive myself and accept it. But nevertheless I have the odd 'what if' moment. I didn't realise how badly it affected those around me at all, I was too selfish. My advice would be to put everything into sobriety now. And obviously as has been said, do it for yourself before anyone else.

Chicagoan

My only concern over family and friends was
drinking and my next beer. Do I have enough
beer before the liquor stores close? I made
sure that I had an ample supply at all times.

That is the epitome of being a drunk.