Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomers to Recovery
Reload this Page >

After taunting myself with idea that I could drink in moderation



Notices

After taunting myself with idea that I could drink in moderation

Old 05-27-2014, 08:52 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
byebyealcohol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Rochester
Posts: 16
After taunting myself with idea that I could drink in moderation

I sadly found that I couldn't. I'm a wife and a mother but I am also an alcoholic. For years I was blissfully unaware of this fact but the grace of God has shown me different. Last year I stayed sober for five months and I must say I was at my happiest. No more mornings of self loathing or guilt. No more waking up telling myself that today is the day but superficially meaning it and painfully knowing that. I slipped so I'm back, I've read the books including AA, I have a strong faith in God but ya know what else I have? FEAR!!! I'm soooo scared of being the odd one that can't drink or the friend that everyone tip toes around nor can I begin to imagine vacations, graduations ect. Without the poison. I feel like I am trapped but I am ready and determined. I just need all the help I can get and came back here because of how awesome this sight was for me before. Thanks for listening
byebyealcohol is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:00 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 135
I'm a mom and a wife also and I'm struggling with my drinking. I want to stop soooooo bad but fear holds me back. It's like alcohol has me in a mental "cave" and the outside world is scary.

I wish you luck
DoloresHaze is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:04 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
GwenCummings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 375
Hi there. Well done for being here. You don't need to live all your tomorrows today by worrying about holidays etc. Today you choose to be sober. To succeed you need to educate yourself and you will develop tools and strategies for future times. This is where I am and so are most of the people here. It's the biggest meeting room I was ever in but they make it feel cosy don't they?
GwenCummings is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:19 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome back to the fight of your life.
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:26 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Tampa, fl
Posts: 115
We're are all here to support you! We know that you can do it!!!!
AlliH is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:27 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,679
Welcome back!

One of the members here has a saying "What you think of me, is none of my business". Don't worry about whether people will notice you drinking or not or tiptoe around you. That's on them, not you.

Be the Mom and the person you want to be.
Anna is online now  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:27 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
jaynie04's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Originally Posted by byebyealcohol View Post
I sadly found that I couldn't. I'm a wife and a mother but I am also an alcoholic. For years I was blissfully unaware of this fact but the grace of God has shown me different. Last year I stayed sober for five months and I must say I was at my happiest. No more mornings of self loathing or guilt. No more waking up telling myself that today is the day but superficially meaning it and painfully knowing that. I slipped so I'm back, I've read the books including AA, I have a strong faith in God but ya know what else I have? FEAR!!! I'm soooo scared of being the odd one that can't drink or the friend that everyone tip toes around nor can I begin to imagine vacations, graduations ect. Without the poison. I feel like I am trapped but I am ready and determined. I just need all the help I can get and came back here because of how awesome this sight was for me before. Thanks for listening
I had the same fears. And there were things that would have proved really difficult at the very beginning. So I did the absolute minimum as far as testing myself.

There was a first everything. First airport by myself, first hotel room, first vacation poolside, first bbq. I had all the same fears.

I am a wife and mom too. What I didn't anticipate was all the upside. No more watching the clock until the afternoon school stuff was over, no more waiting for playdates to end because I wanted to be responsible, no more walking down to a kitchen that looked like a bomb hit it the morning after a party, no more finding brownie mix with a spoon in it on an end table in the morning (ok, that still happens), no more calling the husband in the am trying to feel out if I did anything I would be embarrassed about, no more dragging bottles out for the recycling guy on Thursdays after husband left for work, no more cleaning ladies asking me what I wanted to do with the huge jug of Absolut sitting in the middle of the cleaning supplies (oh, I use that to clean windows….), no more Christmas Eves trying to wrap gifts with one eye open….honestly, I could write a novel that would make Dostoevsky look sparse with words…..

Totally get it. But major events are usually more spread out than we realize, and we start to understand that people actually go and pay attention to the food. And it is nice to be somewhere and not be preoccupied with how to get another drink without looking obvious. And know where your shoes and earring are in the morning.

I think all of us have been there but sharing helps me a lot. It helps to know you aren't alone and that these feelings are totally normal.
jaynie04 is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:34 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
anewpage's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 392
As a wife and mother of three little ones, I say welcome You're in the right place.
anewpage is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:42 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Originally Posted by byebyealcohol View Post
I slipped so I'm back, I've read the books including AA, I have a strong faith in God but ya know what else I have? FEAR!!! I'm soooo scared of being the odd one that can't drink or the friend that everyone tip toes around nor can I begin to imagine vacations, graduations ect. Without the poison. I feel like I am trapped but I am ready and determined.
Its strange not drinking on vacation and graduations at first.
Then no big deal after that.
I shouldn't imagine graduations and vacations are a weekly occurrence for you, unless all your friends and family are in college.

I dealt with it by doing the following

1. Nomination myself as official photographer at things like weddings, christening, birthdays and graduations.

2. When you do go to these events, you might be surprised, like I was, that not everybody drinks like we do.
Some people have 2 drinks and then no more.
Some make a glass last all night.
Some drink tea or coffee.
When I went to my first wedding sober, in the evening, I was like 'wow I must have stuck out like a sore thumb!!" I used to get blackout drunk or be staggering around. There were the odd one or two people like that, but 98% were not.
It was a huge wake up call for me.

I also found it helpful not to thing too far ahead.
A day at a time.
In the early days I would wake up every morning and say to myself 'today I am not drinking. Tomorrow I might, but today I am not'.
Simple as that.

If anyone commented and said 'will you be drinking at my 40th or at our party, or when we go to wherever?'. I would use the same thinking. I would say not thought about it, too far ahead, lets just wait and see.

I wish you the best xx
Sasha4 is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:44 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 32
I feel the same way. A confluence of circumstances keeps me wanting to drink because without it, reality is too hard to stomach.
getmeoffthisbus is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:50 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
byebyealcohol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Rochester
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by GwenCummings View Post
Hi there. Well done for being here. You don't need to live all your tomorrows today by worrying about holidays etc. Today you choose to be sober. To succeed you need to educate yourself and you will develop tools and strategies for future times. This is where I am and so are most of the people here. It's the biggest meeting room I was ever in but they make it feel cosy don't they?
Thank you! And this is why I am back!!! I am ready!
byebyealcohol is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:51 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by getmeoffthisbus View Post
I feel the same way. A confluence of circumstances keeps me wanting to drink because without it, reality is too hard to stomach.
I would like to challenge this thought.

Without the drinking reality is much easier to stomach.
biminiblue is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:52 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Originally Posted by jaynie04 View Post

There was a first everything. First airport by myself, first hotel room, first vacation poolside, first bbq. I had all the same fears.


What I didn't anticipate was all the upside. No more watching the clock until the afternoon school stuff was over, no more waiting for playdates to end because I wanted to be responsible, no more walking down to a kitchen that looked like a bomb hit it the morning after a party, no more finding brownie mix with a spoon in it on an end table in the morning (ok, that still happens), no more calling the husband in the am trying to feel out if I did anything I would be embarrassed about, no more dragging bottles out for the recycling guy on Thursdays after husband left for work, no more cleaning ladies asking me what I wanted to do with the huge jug of Absolut sitting in the middle of the cleaning supplies (oh, I use that to clean windows….), no more Christmas Eves trying to wrap gifts with one eye open….h

Me too, me too, me too!!!!!!
Over here.
I did that.

I totally get you!

No more wretching changing nappies or emptying potty's.
No more praying my child might have a 2 hour nap, so I could sleep too as I felt so grim.
No more wanting to die in soft play due to kids screaming and my head hurting.
And not forgetting the insanity of when the day is over and the little on is in bed, thinking to myself, I got through it, I deserve a drink!! Straight back to where I was!
Absolute madness that only we understand and can laugh about now.

We should compile a list!
Sasha4 is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 09:56 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
byebyealcohol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Rochester
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by jaynie04 View Post
I had the same fears. And there were things that would have proved really difficult at the very beginning. So I did the absolute minimum as far as testing myself.

There was a first everything. First airport by myself, first hotel room, first vacation poolside, first bbq. I had all the same fears.

I am a wife and mom too. What I didn't anticipate was all the upside. No more watching the clock until the afternoon school stuff was over, no more waiting for playdates to end because I wanted to be responsible, no more walking down to a kitchen that looked like a bomb hit it the morning after a party, no more finding brownie mix with a spoon in it on an end table in the morning (ok, that still happens), no more calling the husband in the am trying to feel out if I did anything I would be embarrassed about, no more dragging bottles out for the recycling guy on Thursdays after husband left for work, no more cleaning ladies asking me what I wanted to do with the huge jug of Absolut sitting in the middle of the cleaning supplies (oh, I use that to clean windows….), no more Christmas Eves trying to wrap gifts with one eye open….honestly, I could write a novel that would make Dostoevsky look sparse with words…..

Totally get it. But major events are usually more spread out than we realize, and we start to understand that people actually go and pay attention to the food. And it is nice to be somewhere and not be preoccupied with how to get another drink without looking obvious. And know where your shoes and earring are in the morning.

I think all of us have been there but sharing helps me a lot. It helps to know you aren't alone and that these feelings are totally normal.
Wow speechless truly. You have literally pegged it all, I vaguely remember having true joy in these scenarios but if you can do it so can I!!!!
byebyealcohol is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 10:02 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
byebyealcohol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Rochester
Posts: 16
Getmeoffthisbus-trust me when I tell you. Facing reality is the most liberating feeling, the challenge is keeping the courage to keep looking the truth in the eye with honor and integrity. The truth is our only defense in this world especially in our world.
byebyealcohol is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:28 AM.