letitgo

Well I went out last night late to grab a bite. When your alone its seems pointless in sitting at a huge table. I sat at the bar. I watched people drinking all day with bbqs. My Av said go ahead just have one. You worked 13 hours and its Memorial day.

Sitting at the bar feels like playing Russian roulette. Sitting there looking at beer and hard alcohol gave me flashbacks of a good time, then i remember puking on myself, sleeping in vomit, blackout vomiting and walking up having no recollection of the prior night. I think this is a healthy behavioral association to recognize.

I just grabbed a cola and said forget you alcohol.too tired to drink and ruin my sobriety. I feel good getting that experience though. I am sure it will be easier with time. I need to get out of the hotel room and have a different environment when eating. I like sitting at the bar talking with others. I feel strong about doing it again with continued success. Am I just playing with fire? Any thoughts? Should I sit at a table alone instead? It is uncomfortable enough eating alone. i like to socialize and be sober.

Sobertaurus

I don't know the answer to your question, letitgo, since I'm only on day 3, and right now the thought of sitting at a bar alone to eat would be way more than I could handle.

However, congratulations for making good choices and thinking things through!

biminiblue

I'm at just about 90 days, and I've sat at the bar to eat in that time. I go out to eat alone a lot, so I switch back and forth between the bar and a table, depending on how I feel at the moment.

I've decided I'm not going to drink. Doesn't matter the circumstances of where I am, who I am with, or what is going on in my life.

DisplacedGRITS

I find that I am distracted if I engage with a stranger while they are drinking. I equate sitting at a bar with drinking. I have sat at a bar sober before and it was fine but I often left with the feeling that there was something missing from my experience. When I lunch alone, I prefer to sit at a table and read a book or fart around online on my phone. I like to socialize but eating at a bar only hammers home the fact that I am missing out on an experience that others can engage in so nonchalantly.

Are you playing with fire? Perhaps. I have a bottle of white wine, a bottle of sherry and a bottle of marsala all open in my house. I use them for cooking. Am I playing with fire? I suppose I am. For me, I have to be honest with myself as to the purpose they serve in my life. Are they there for cooking or have they become a possible invitation for a sneaky relapse? So long as they do not trouble my conscious, I treat them as they should be treated. If your habit at sitting at the bar acceptable to your enjoyment of your meal or is it an attempt to test your sobriety though engaging in behavior that is considered socially normal?

I suppose my basic question is, do you feel that alcohol is controlling your desire to sit at a bar? Are you concerned that sitting at a table is not socially acceptable? Is sitting at the bar an attempt to modify your relationship with alcohol? For me, sitting at a bar and leaving without a drink makes me feel like I played dice with the Devil and won. Having the wine in my house doesn't feel like a game. One of these behaviors carries a certain thrill with it while the other doesn't tug at me one way or the other. As long as I am honest with my emotions, I know I can make the right decision.

FreeOwl

sit at a table, bring a book, enjoy the space and time on your own.

I travel for business a fair lot and I understand where you're coming from, but there's nothing wrong with sitting at a table and it gives you a buffer between you and those bottles staring at you and goading your AV on.

IOAA2

Hi. I'm + 30 years sober and would not set myself up like that. I haven't had a desire to drink for many years but my alcoholism is constantly close by as seen by the results of other relapsers. It aint worth it. It's part of going to any length to stay sober.

BE WELL

letitgo

My intent was only to eat. If I have a craving to drink its at 5pm and I am still working. It passes fairly quickly. I am lucky in the fact my w/d wasn't that bad. A little pissy but no major physical issues. I felt fine not drinking but I don't want to set myself up for failure.

aasharon90

My husband and I were riding in the car
to Lowes, Walmart and Home Depot when
Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville come on the radio.

I chuckled and said how a good Margarita
would taste right then. He quickly said no
it wouldn't and I quickly dismissed that
thought.

See, it doesn't matter if I have I day sober
or 23yrs sobriety, thoughts of having a
drink can pop up at anytime, anywhere.

The only way I can stay successful in my
own recovery is to use all those tools I
learned in recovery all hours of the day,
anywhere's I go, whatever Im doing because
there's no safe guard when it comes to those
unwanted drinking thoughts that pop up.

No, I don't want to drink, but I still from time
to time recall that first drink, the taste, how
it made me feel. However, one drink would
never be enough. One would lead to two
and so on till im blitzed or

For me, this alcoholic in recovery has no
business sitting in front of a wall full of
poison staring back at me while I eat a
sandwhich or sipping water because I
enjoy talking to fellow patrons that may
or maynot can drink successfully.

I maybe in a good mood that day or I
could be lonely, or down in the dumps.
Sitting at a bar for me is like playing
Russian roulette with my life.

bigsombrero

Hey man -

I know the feeling. My first day out of rehab treatment I went to a bar for lunch and ate right at the bar. Didn't drink, but I sure did feel blue. You see, I'd been spending a good portion of my 20s and 30s in bars, and I didn't know how to change my habits.

But I can tell you one thing, my friend: a bar is no place for a recovering alcoholic. Nope, nope, nope. Think about it. What's eventually going to happen? Everyone here knows exactly what will happen.

There are millions of places besides bars & pubs to eat in this world. And it doesn't matter which one you choose - as long as it's not a bar, you'll be fine. Recovery is all about change, and one of the most important habits is to change the places we go. Good luck, I hope you don't go back to a bar anytime soon.

Anna

I agree that there are a million places to eat, rather than a bar.

ktwsober

bigsombrero- I know the feeling as well. I was back at the bar a week out of rehab, not drinking, but the bar was home. After a couple of weeks I stopped going. I don't sit at bars anymore, I go to places with tables, if there is only a bar I don't go.

letitgo- your doing great, keep it up, sit at a table bring a computer or book

FreeOwl

exactly... that last part.

Have you read the story in the Big Book about the traveling salesman and the glass of milk?

See, thing is... we who have struggled with alcohol addiction share one thing pretty much in common; we cannot consistently predict our behavior with alcohol. One day "I felt fine not drinking".... but then one day it's "I was fine not drinking and then, all of a sudden, for whatever reason I cannot say, I looked at that bottle of Grey Goose there behind the bar and figured 'one can't hurt', then another and five more".

Really seems to me that sitting up at the bar, bartender just a nod away, staring at a wall of booze, beer-smelling taps standing by waiting to give a frosty one at a moment's notice, is just irresponsible. I wouldn't do it because I know that within me there is a weakness toward that stuff. I know that there could easily be a fleeting moment and that's all it takes. Sure, I can rationalize that if that moment comes it wouldn't matter if I were at the table versus the bar, but that's not really true. If I am honest, then I know that clearly sitting on the other side of the restaurant in a chair, not looking at walls of alcohol, reading a book, enjoying a Pellegrino; I'd have a much easier time reminding myself of the reasons NOT to give in if temptation came calling.