Carlotta

This is really great news that you called: let us know how it goes.

Hopscotch

Is it morning in Alaska yet?

Hawkeye13

It's called "The land of the midnight sun" as the sun doesn't set in the summer

Maybe Paul can fill us in on how that works. . .

pauladmits

So I did it, made my meeting at the Akeela assessment center. My anxiety went through the roof. But I realize that's not even the hard part. It's really not even a start. They said my level of alcoholism, I would need to take a 60 day leave of absence. They told me about the FMLA which could protect my job, but as a contractor, I don't know if I'm protected by it. They said id qualify and need a 30 day inpatient window and then 30 days of outpatient treatment and programs. They told me they don't think any outpatient program would work.

So it's bittersweet because making that 60 day commitment is very very difficult.

So I made a step but it feels like I'm at square one. They even talked about maybe going to Colorado for a more advanced treatment facility for 60 days. I just don't know what to do. They want me to bring in my parents to try to get them to encourage me to do it. Because they could tell I was hesitant.

I was hoping they'd give me some medicine and I could just quit on the spot.

Ughhhhhhhhh

PurpleKnight

Don't downplay how big this step is Paul, the other night you were hungover with a bottle of vodka under the bed . . . and now your talking about meetings, detox and treatment!!

That is a step in the right direction in my book, as I mentioned the other day, trying at least something new is a positive thing!!

pauladmits

I guess that's a good way to look at it. The best news is I don't want to drink or even think about ever drinking again. Just want to be free and for this to stop. Because I'll be honest my mind is telling me right now that I'm not going to make this decision. Might have to develop a plan B. But the way they were talking, there really isn't a plan B.

Hawkeye13

I'm so glad to hear you went, and are facing this. That is huge progress.

I realize it isn't easy to arrange for 60 days, but please continue to work on it.

This is your life you are dealing with.
You are worth it.

schnappi99

My buddy needed 2 months of rehab, used up all his leave all his short-term disability- would not be surprised if he went leave without pay for a while. But he came back transformed... now we have the luxury to sometimes joke about what happens when the alkies and the codies start setting one another off instead of me having to remember him.

You can do it! The anxiety will pass.

KAD

Way to go, Paul. Glad to hear you are taking action! Don't get discouraged because that will only lead you back to where you started. Push forward. You're making the right choices now.

Hopscotch

Happy to hear you went Paul!
If I read correctly, you currently live with your parents and work from home. While no one would look forward to taking 60 days off of work
-really though, who would be thrilled to hear they needed to do that?
I understand financial / professional concerns, but if you think of it as 60 days to save your life/ start a new one, while your home and family safely await your return...
It might be the best investment you ever make.

You're not even 30 and you have the chance to write the rest of your life with new ink.
You are the author of your story Paul.

Anna

Paul, it's great that you took that first, big step. And, I'm sure it sounds overwhelming right now. This is the time when you need to have faith. You can do it and you have people who want to help you through this. And, we are all here for you.

Pondlady

I'd follow their advice and bring your parents in for a meeting....you need all the encouragement and support you can get.

Dee74

I was a gigging musician so the idea of taking time off was not practical for me either.
No play, no pay.

But I lost all my jobs anyway - my whole career - through being drunk.

My 2 cents? I think 60 days now is is a great investment in your future, Paul

chicory

Paul, I am happy to read this. I know you are hesitant and dont feel you made progress, but you DID! Don't give up, just because you think it will be hard... where will you be in two months if you Don't do it?

big hugs!

airwick

Paul,
Who said you had to admit that you are a failure? Admitting that you have a drinking problem and admitting you need help, that I will accept. "A failure", don't even know the word Not in my vocabulary now and never will be. A person can FAIL, this does not make them a failure. One is only a failure if you give up. You have not given up, you proved that by posting

I have about 19 years on you ( twenty years sounds SO OLD lol) On the topic of being stubborn- arrogant ....you have not had the opportunity to meet me lol Yet, us stubborn people can also be the most honest and sincere If you want to talk or just bull---- around, I'll be that listening ear. When I write, I use humor a lot because I too get depressed easily. I listened to my father when I was growing up ALOT....amongst other things he always to me God does not give people more then they can handle, and he was not even a religious man. No one is going to watch out for you more then you! So if being self-centered, stubborn, arrogant, what-ever else..... if it works...do it. But always remember that we can't allow these things to hurt other people. We also have to have respect-passion and empathy.

I'm glad you are here.

pauladmits

The thing that sucks is the decision really is not about being able to quit or alcohol. Like I would love to just leave this life, chill in Colorado for 60-90 days, and just be free. The decision completely is being stalled by arrogance. I've worked here for 6 years, dedicated myself and built my career to the point I can work at home and do pretty much anything I want and get paid to do it. My family, grandmas, nephews, etc are all here and just admitting that I'm so weak and damaged that I have to be away for a month or two is tearing at me inside. I just almost feel like taking my chances going cold turkey. I mean my mind is so against making that decision that is rather risk dying than make it. I don't know what to do. I mean I know you guys know what I should do but I'm pretty stuck here. I don't want any more alcohol in my system but even they told me that I should not at all stop on my own. Very frustrating. Really dug myself a deep hole here.

Thank you guys for all the support and this is why I love the site. Just builds up your mind to getting help and stories that trigger feelings in you that build up that energy to change is great. I appreciate it all. Now I have that big decision to make. But regardless I'm not going to drink a fifth or two today. I don't want alcohol.

pauladmits

Screw this, just because they say that's the only option doesn't mean if I don't take it I have to give up. Get back on the ice, get back on the track. I don't need to give up. I'm going to tell my parents what I did, what I'm going through. Going to see my doc every week to make sure things are normal. While deciding on this decision I'm not going to give up. Might fail, might not but giving up for good is never an option.

KAD

You are right. You're a grown man and it is ultimately your decision. Without an arrest and a court order you are not forced into any one option. I just hope you pick one and it is one that does not include continuing to do what you've been doing. I drank a 5th/day, too. I went to my doctor and got meds to help me through withdrawal. Then I went back to see him the next week - a couple days ago - and see him again in a month. I did not go to rehab of any kind, inpatient or outpatient, so it would indeed be somewhat hypocritical of me to tell you to do exactly as you were told when all I did was go to my doctor. I will be sober 2 weeks tomorrow. There is more than one way to do this, but whatever you do, don't drink!!

lovesymphony

That is great to hear! You never struck me as being hopeless or ready to just give up.

Dee74

When I quit my addictive voice ran from side to side of my head screaming.
It was *panicked*.

I didn't give in because I wanted change.

I'd said all the I'll see a Dr stuff, all the I'll tell my parents stuff, all the I'll go to AA stuff...but that panic always made me rationalise things and in the end I did nothing.

This time, 6th April 2007, I wanted to do something.

I wanted to live my life the way I wanted, I wanted my friends and my family to be proud of what I'd done with my life.

*I* wanted to be proud of what I'd done with my life.

So I stared down that addiction panic in my head and I said

'scared? good'.

Don't flinch on this Paul. You were as moved by GtGrandpas postyesterday as I was.

Don't flinch.
Your life and your future are at stake.

D