I'm giving it another shot - I hope you'll have me back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
I'm giving it another shot - I hope you'll have me back
Hi all,
I quit drinking last year for three months, and found the support on here made a real difference (which helped me to go 3 months rather than the usual 3-6 days sober). It was the first time I'd tried to quit, the first time I was fully out of denial about my drink problem, and I want to try it again; I remember it as a lovely calm and hopeful time.
Unfortunately, it didn't last. In those three months, I hadn't managed to develop strong enough coping mechanisms for when things go wrong. And so, when things went wrong - from our cat going missing, to my father dying in heartbreaking circumstances, and many other things in between - I didn't know how to cope and turned straight to alcohol to soothe my distress. The year has also been very stressful on a continual basis because we have been trying and failing to conceive a child (and it turns out I have a whole bunch of conditions that are making me infertile; obviously the alcohol isn't helping either). I feel that alcohol has robbed me of a certain degree of emotional maturity - I'm used to hitting the bottle whenever there's a problem, and I feel that now at the age of 29 I have to step back and retrain at life. If I can't find an answer forhow to cope in the bad times, I'll never get out of this drinking cycle.
I'm exhausted by drinking, and sick of it, and am fully aware that it is *not* going to help me live the life I want - it has already taken so much from me, and I carry such a burden of shame from the stupid things I've done and said while under the influence. So I'm going to try to make proper use of the forum again to help me over this hurdle. Thanks for listening
I quit drinking last year for three months, and found the support on here made a real difference (which helped me to go 3 months rather than the usual 3-6 days sober). It was the first time I'd tried to quit, the first time I was fully out of denial about my drink problem, and I want to try it again; I remember it as a lovely calm and hopeful time.
Unfortunately, it didn't last. In those three months, I hadn't managed to develop strong enough coping mechanisms for when things go wrong. And so, when things went wrong - from our cat going missing, to my father dying in heartbreaking circumstances, and many other things in between - I didn't know how to cope and turned straight to alcohol to soothe my distress. The year has also been very stressful on a continual basis because we have been trying and failing to conceive a child (and it turns out I have a whole bunch of conditions that are making me infertile; obviously the alcohol isn't helping either). I feel that alcohol has robbed me of a certain degree of emotional maturity - I'm used to hitting the bottle whenever there's a problem, and I feel that now at the age of 29 I have to step back and retrain at life. If I can't find an answer forhow to cope in the bad times, I'll never get out of this drinking cycle.
I'm exhausted by drinking, and sick of it, and am fully aware that it is *not* going to help me live the life I want - it has already taken so much from me, and I carry such a burden of shame from the stupid things I've done and said while under the influence. So I'm going to try to make proper use of the forum again to help me over this hurdle. Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome back! The longer you stay away from the alcohol, the easier it gets.
I use my journal, my phone list, walking, napping, reading here on SR, going to meetings when I feel wobbly. Even 15 minutes of housework or a hobby is helpful.
It's important to make a list of things to do like the above when you feel overwhelmed.
I use my journal, my phone list, walking, napping, reading here on SR, going to meetings when I feel wobbly. Even 15 minutes of housework or a hobby is helpful.
It's important to make a list of things to do like the above when you feel overwhelmed.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Welcome back, Snowbunting!
Of course, we're happy to have you back! Everyone who posts here is important! In the past year, a "24-Hour Club" has grown on this forum. Why not sign in as a first step?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4674411
Of course, we're happy to have you back! Everyone who posts here is important! In the past year, a "24-Hour Club" has grown on this forum. Why not sign in as a first step?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4674411
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by snowbunting 
Hi all,
I quit drinking last year for three months, and found the support on here made a real difference (which helped me to go 3 months rather than the usual 3-6 days sober). It was the first time I'd tried to quit, the first time I was fully out of denial about my drink problem, and I want to try it again; I remember it as a lovely calm and hopeful time.
Unfortunately, it didn't last. In those three months, I hadn't managed to develop strong enough coping mechanisms for when things go wrong. And so, when things went wrong - from our cat going missing, to my father dying in heartbreaking circumstances, and many other things in between - I didn't know how to cope and turned straight to alcohol to soothe my distress. The year has also been very stressful on a continual basis because we have been trying and failing to conceive a child (and it turns out I have a whole bunch of conditions that are making me infertile; obviously the alcohol isn't helping either). I feel that alcohol has robbed me of a certain degree of emotional maturity - I'm used to hitting the bottle whenever there's a problem, and I feel that now at the age of 29 I have to step back and retrain at life. If I can't find an answer forhow to cope in the bad times, I'll never get out of this drinking cycle.
I'm exhausted by drinking, and sick of it, and am fully aware that it is *not* going to help me live the life I want - it has already taken so much from me, and I carry such a burden of shame from the stupid things I've done and said while under the influence. So I'm going to try to make proper use of the forum again to help me over this hurdle. Thanks for listening
I quit drinking last year for three months, and found the support on here made a real difference (which helped me to go 3 months rather than the usual 3-6 days sober). It was the first time I'd tried to quit, the first time I was fully out of denial about my drink problem, and I want to try it again; I remember it as a lovely calm and hopeful time.
Unfortunately, it didn't last. In those three months, I hadn't managed to develop strong enough coping mechanisms for when things go wrong. And so, when things went wrong - from our cat going missing, to my father dying in heartbreaking circumstances, and many other things in between - I didn't know how to cope and turned straight to alcohol to soothe my distress. The year has also been very stressful on a continual basis because we have been trying and failing to conceive a child (and it turns out I have a whole bunch of conditions that are making me infertile; obviously the alcohol isn't helping either). I feel that alcohol has robbed me of a certain degree of emotional maturity - I'm used to hitting the bottle whenever there's a problem, and I feel that now at the age of 29 I have to step back and retrain at life. If I can't find an answer forhow to cope in the bad times, I'll never get out of this drinking cycle.
I'm exhausted by drinking, and sick of it, and am fully aware that it is *not* going to help me live the life I want - it has already taken so much from me, and I carry such a burden of shame from the stupid things I've done and said while under the influence. So I'm going to try to make proper use of the forum again to help me over this hurdle. Thanks for listening
Hi snowbunting, welcome back.
I found it really hard initially with regards to coping under stress as my default move was to turn to alcohol also.
It has taken so much from us over the years and it's high time we got some back.
P.s good to see a fellow Scot here.👍👍
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Thank you both.
Biminiblue, that's a really good idea - I'm going to make a list of things for when I'm feeling overwhelmed and post it here to remind myself.
Coldfusion, that club looks fabulous, and just what I need. I have a 24 hour chip, but sometimes it helps to be accountable to more than one other person. Thank you.
Biminiblue, that's a really good idea - I'm going to make a list of things for when I'm feeling overwhelmed and post it here to remind myself.
Coldfusion, that club looks fabulous, and just what I need. I have a 24 hour chip, but sometimes it helps to be accountable to more than one other person. Thank you.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Ah, Snowbunting, sounds like you've had a really tough time 
but it's great to see you back and trying again (even if you are from Scotland 
)
Seriously, though, at 29, you have so much ahead of you and you will enjoy it and appreciate it so much more when you're sober. I wish I had given up at 29. Alas, I'm a really slow learner and didn't really understand I had a problem until I was nigh on 50!
Welcome back!
but it's great to see you back and trying again (even if you are from Scotland ) Seriously, though, at 29, you have so much ahead of you and you will enjoy it and appreciate it so much more when you're sober. I wish I had given up at 29. Alas, I'm a really slow learner and didn't really understand I had a problem until I was nigh on 50!
Welcome back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Thanks HeadLump and Anna, it means a lot. And if that's your garden in your avatar Headlump, it's lovely. Gardening is one of the things I plan to use as ammunition against the drinking. It's definitely going on the list of 'things to do / think about instead of alcohol.' I've got a big project on my hands with my garden and am a bit out of my depth really, but at least it will keep me busy if I stick at it.
I suppose now I feel that I may have come on here a few days early, because my husband has an evening planned for this week that I can neither get out of nor realistically avoid drinking at - my brother in law is visiting from Ireland on Wednesday, specifically to be shown around the bars of the city we live in, before flying back the next day. I'm aware of how absolutely awful that sounds given that I've come into this forum today determined to quit, but I also don't want to give myself the unrealistic expectation of saying today is Day 1 of my sobriety, only to drink in two days' time. I would rather set my Sobriety Date to 29/05/14 and feel confident that I can commit to it properly, knowing that the next time a family visit comes around I will be stronger and better able to enjoy it sober. I'm painfully aware of how hypocritical and weak-willed this sounds, but I also know myself too well to just say, 'Call this Day 1 and see what happens.' I want to call this Thursday Day 1 and *know* what will happen - a real and serious commitment to sobriety. I feel that I should already be apologising to you all. I'm not looking foward to drinking on Wednesday, but I feel I can't get out of it without looking extremely uncivil. I know that's a poor excuse.
I have however booked myself in for my first ever acupuncture session on Wednesday afternoon before meeting up with my husband and his brother - I thought that acupuncture might help with my addiction and stress levels, so that is at least a step I've never taken before. There is a small chance I could get through Wednesday evening without drinking with them, but I don't want to pour pressure on myself this early on, only to beat myself up in the event that I fail. So, on Thursday evening I will be joining the 24 hour club and signing up to my new life of sobriety. I know that there will be plenty more evenings ahead in life where everyone will be drinking and I'll feel like I can't get out of it, and so I shouldn't ever use those things as an excuse; but by then my sobriety will be a habit and commitment, not something new and fragile that I don't know how to tell people about. Gah I'm sorry.
I suppose now I feel that I may have come on here a few days early, because my husband has an evening planned for this week that I can neither get out of nor realistically avoid drinking at - my brother in law is visiting from Ireland on Wednesday, specifically to be shown around the bars of the city we live in, before flying back the next day. I'm aware of how absolutely awful that sounds given that I've come into this forum today determined to quit, but I also don't want to give myself the unrealistic expectation of saying today is Day 1 of my sobriety, only to drink in two days' time. I would rather set my Sobriety Date to 29/05/14 and feel confident that I can commit to it properly, knowing that the next time a family visit comes around I will be stronger and better able to enjoy it sober. I'm painfully aware of how hypocritical and weak-willed this sounds, but I also know myself too well to just say, 'Call this Day 1 and see what happens.' I want to call this Thursday Day 1 and *know* what will happen - a real and serious commitment to sobriety. I feel that I should already be apologising to you all. I'm not looking foward to drinking on Wednesday, but I feel I can't get out of it without looking extremely uncivil. I know that's a poor excuse.
I have however booked myself in for my first ever acupuncture session on Wednesday afternoon before meeting up with my husband and his brother - I thought that acupuncture might help with my addiction and stress levels, so that is at least a step I've never taken before. There is a small chance I could get through Wednesday evening without drinking with them, but I don't want to pour pressure on myself this early on, only to beat myself up in the event that I fail. So, on Thursday evening I will be joining the 24 hour club and signing up to my new life of sobriety. I know that there will be plenty more evenings ahead in life where everyone will be drinking and I'll feel like I can't get out of it, and so I shouldn't ever use those things as an excuse; but by then my sobriety will be a habit and commitment, not something new and fragile that I don't know how to tell people about. Gah I'm sorry.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Welcome back 
The thing is there's never a good time to quit - you alluded to that yourself.
Recovery is about change - putting off that change because its difficult doesn't really bode well....
Why not let your husband show his brother around and you can do something else, and stay sober?
D
The thing is there's never a good time to quit - you alluded to that yourself.
Recovery is about change - putting off that change because its difficult doesn't really bode well....
Why not let your husband show his brother around and you can do something else, and stay sober?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: S.E. Wisconsin
Posts: 341
Many of us have poor aiming, and it
requires more than one shot to hit
the target.
Never give up on yourself.
remember: We are up against a
very formidable adversary,
every bit as addicting as hard
narcotics. This is a fact that
few people actually realize.
Ask anyone with dual addictions.
requires more than one shot to hit
the target.
Never give up on yourself.
remember: We are up against a
very formidable adversary,
every bit as addicting as hard
narcotics. This is a fact that
few people actually realize.
Ask anyone with dual addictions.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Richmond VA
Posts: 10
"I feel that alcohol has robbed me of a certain degree of emotional maturity - I'm used to hitting the bottle whenever there's a problem."
You read my mind with that one. Since I haven't been drinking I feel like I'm the same awkward 16 year old I was when I started. Arrested development for sure. Good luck and glad to see you back!
You read my mind with that one. Since I haven't been drinking I feel like I'm the same awkward 16 year old I was when I started. Arrested development for sure. Good luck and glad to see you back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Thank you all. WanderingBear, I do have the desire to quit, you're completely right there. Congratulations on coming up to 13 years, you're an inspiration Herculon - the arrested development thing has only really struck me recently, but it's so true. I should definitely invest in some kind of stress ball or something.
Dee, I've been thinking about what your suggestion and I'm going to give it a try. I'll admit that my decision to try not drinking with my husband and brother in law tomorrow is made easier by the fact that I became really ill overnight with nightsweats, aching bones and muscles, strep throat etc - all brought on by my most recent bender, which started on Saturday at about 1:30pm and ended the next morning at 3am. More than twelve hours in a row of drinking - and that has just become inevitable now, if I make the decision to leave the house to drink. And my hangovers now last for days.
Having behaved like that only a few days ago, it's really absurd that I'd be considering drinking on Wednesday evening. Now that I'm sick as well (which helps, because the cravings aren't as bad), I'm thinking I should cancel my plans tomorrow, stay out home, and not drink with them when they come back, just socialise briefly then go to bed. My social anxiety makes that a bit scary, but tbh I don't know if my body could even handle a beer at the moment - I'm completely wrecked. Of course, the next day when we're showing him around the countryside, I will be so much happier and hangover-free. It's so worth it, it all depends on whether I have the courage.
Herculon - the arrested development thing has only really struck me recently, but it's so true. I should definitely invest in some kind of stress ball or something. Dee, I've been thinking about what your suggestion and I'm going to give it a try. I'll admit that my decision to try not drinking with my husband and brother in law tomorrow is made easier by the fact that I became really ill overnight with nightsweats, aching bones and muscles, strep throat etc - all brought on by my most recent bender, which started on Saturday at about 1:30pm and ended the next morning at 3am. More than twelve hours in a row of drinking - and that has just become inevitable now, if I make the decision to leave the house to drink. And my hangovers now last for days.
Having behaved like that only a few days ago, it's really absurd that I'd be considering drinking on Wednesday evening. Now that I'm sick as well (which helps, because the cravings aren't as bad), I'm thinking I should cancel my plans tomorrow, stay out home, and not drink with them when they come back, just socialise briefly then go to bed. My social anxiety makes that a bit scary, but tbh I don't know if my body could even handle a beer at the moment - I'm completely wrecked. Of course, the next day when we're showing him around the countryside, I will be so much happier and hangover-free. It's so worth it, it all depends on whether I have the courage.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Being legitemately ill gives you an easy excuse if you do not feel ready to divulge to your friends and family your desire to stop drinking. And, it will be much better for your health, if you are sick. It cannot be good to mix antibiotics with alcohol(you said you have strep).
I know, in the past, when I have felt like I was about to have my last day of drinking, I drank more than I might usually, sort of a goodbye to it. And it was just another bad hangover.
Hope you feel better soon, and welcome back.
I know, in the past, when I have felt like I was about to have my last day of drinking, I drank more than I might usually, sort of a goodbye to it. And it was just another bad hangover.
Hope you feel better soon, and welcome back.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
this was an important revelation for me as well. those 3 months of sober life were not wasted. but you also saw the contrast.
running to the bottle for solution was my choice, i failed to realized that. although what could be more simple?
all the excuses were there. i had ptsd, depression, anxiety, stress, my work was too hard, my life was too hard.. it was well deserved.
except alcohol didn't work at all.. it just made every single one of those problems worse.
it did work in one way. it kept me from having to face the reality. and the more i drank the more distant the reality became. i was comfortable being buzzed and stressed and often anxious and depressed. to change that would mean less buzz more stress and more anxiety!
i found that change is only scary in the mindless blabbering of my thoughts... all the greatest things in my life happened because of "change".
running to the bottle for solution was my choice, i failed to realized that. although what could be more simple?
all the excuses were there. i had ptsd, depression, anxiety, stress, my work was too hard, my life was too hard.. it was well deserved.
except alcohol didn't work at all.. it just made every single one of those problems worse.
it did work in one way. it kept me from having to face the reality. and the more i drank the more distant the reality became. i was comfortable being buzzed and stressed and often anxious and depressed. to change that would mean less buzz more stress and more anxiety!
i found that change is only scary in the mindless blabbering of my thoughts... all the greatest things in my life happened because of "change".
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by serious
this was an important revelation for me as well. those 3 months of sober life were not wasted. but you also saw the contrast.
running to the bottle for solution was my choice, i failed to realized that. although what could be more simple?
all the excuses were there. i had ptsd, depression, anxiety, stress, my work was too hard, my life was too hard.. it was well deserved.
except alcohol didn't work at all.. it just made every single one of those problems worse.
it did work in one way. it kept me from having to face the reality. and the more i drank the more distant the reality became. i was comfortable being buzzed and stressed and often anxious and depressed. to change that would mean less buzz more stress and more anxiety!
i found that change is only scary in the mindless blabbering of my thoughts... all the greatest things in my life happened because of "change".
running to the bottle for solution was my choice, i failed to realized that. although what could be more simple?
all the excuses were there. i had ptsd, depression, anxiety, stress, my work was too hard, my life was too hard.. it was well deserved.
except alcohol didn't work at all.. it just made every single one of those problems worse.
it did work in one way. it kept me from having to face the reality. and the more i drank the more distant the reality became. i was comfortable being buzzed and stressed and often anxious and depressed. to change that would mean less buzz more stress and more anxiety!
i found that change is only scary in the mindless blabbering of my thoughts... all the greatest things in my life happened because of "change".
Welcome back. Onwards and upwards!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Thanks guys. Rochele, I'm not on antibiotics - I think strep throat was an exaggeration, what's wrong with my throat is the combination of the start of a cold and 14 hours of drinking and smoking on Saturday. I'm drinking lemon and ginger tea and green smoothies loaded with vitamins to try to see it off.
Serious, I agree with all of that. I had some problems with depression before I started drinking, but the anxiety that I have now (and which is by far my biggest problem) only came after the heavy drinking started. It seems obvious now that my anxiety problems are a reaction to my drinking, even though at the worst times - when I was chugging a can of beer in a toilet cubicle before going to teach a class full of students - I thought the drinking was a reaction to my anxiety.
I have decided not to drink tomorrow, full stop. I've cancelled my plans for the day and will not be going to dinner or for drinks with our guest. It feels like a big wrench - I love the Japanese restaurant they're going to and haven't been to for ages, I love the bar they'll be going to and would never have missed an excuse to drink there in recent months, I love the craft beers we have waiting in the house for when they get back, and I'm angry that I have let myself down so consistently and spectacularly that these pleasures are no longer available to me.
I wish I knew what that voice sounded like, the one other people seem to have, that tells them when they've had enough. I know I must have heard that voice before, because I drank occasionally in a controlled way until I was about 23 or 24, but I can't for the life of me remember what it sounded like. And I know I'll never hear it again.
Serious, I agree with all of that. I had some problems with depression before I started drinking, but the anxiety that I have now (and which is by far my biggest problem) only came after the heavy drinking started. It seems obvious now that my anxiety problems are a reaction to my drinking, even though at the worst times - when I was chugging a can of beer in a toilet cubicle before going to teach a class full of students - I thought the drinking was a reaction to my anxiety.
I have decided not to drink tomorrow, full stop. I've cancelled my plans for the day and will not be going to dinner or for drinks with our guest. It feels like a big wrench - I love the Japanese restaurant they're going to and haven't been to for ages, I love the bar they'll be going to and would never have missed an excuse to drink there in recent months, I love the craft beers we have waiting in the house for when they get back, and I'm angry that I have let myself down so consistently and spectacularly that these pleasures are no longer available to me.
I wish I knew what that voice sounded like, the one other people seem to have, that tells them when they've had enough. I know I must have heard that voice before, because I drank occasionally in a controlled way until I was about 23 or 24, but I can't for the life of me remember what it sounded like. And I know I'll never hear it again.
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