A Hard Day and Night
 

Yesterday was my 48th day of sobriety, and it was the first time I was really, REALLY tempted to drink. It was a close call, but I did not do it.

My ex and I talk nearly every day. I still love her desperately, but she has remarried. She was good enough to talk to me for nearly an hour last night. Giving me encouragement.

My problem is, I am so alone. No family at all, no friends who do not drink or get high. Well, one, but he is busy a lot of the time.

People will recommend AA, but I tried it a few times, and for reasons I won't go into here, I can not and will not go back.

Last night was a major victory. A battle won in the war. It sure ain't over, but I am pleased that I have made it this far.

way to stay strong mega.

keep doing what you have to do to stay sober. did you look into alternatives to aa? or perhaps find a different place to try out a meeting?

I've tried a few around town. For personal reasons I won't go any more.

I've looked into it. No SMART meetings nearby. I've searched Meetup.com and there are no sobriety groups.

I'll just keep plugging along and hope for the best. I really just wish I had a friend to take walks with, go to the movies, cut up, stuff like that.

I have my books and they have been getting me through the nights.

Hi. My undisciplined self didn’t want to go either but did and received much information regarding me and the complexities of alcoholism. “I didn’t work the program for a long time so it didn’t work.” Now I know it works if we work it. There are millions world wide getting and staying sober following it’s guidelines. One of my greatest benefits is at last being comfortable in my own skin most of the time.
I was told there is an easy way and a hard way to get and STAY sober so I chose the easy way a lot of years ago. It’s a matter of choice if we to get in a healthy mode.

BE WELL

Plugging along sober is better than the alternatives. I am still building a life three years on. In time things change, opportunities arise- there are more of them than i thought

hang in there. keep posting on SR. It's not the same as having a live talk with someone, but it keeps you connected to others going through the same things.

Firstly, well done, 48 days is no easy feat and you deserve a lot of credit.

I am much like yourself were AA is simply not for me, there are many people who it suits and that is absolutely fine, but when we choose not to venture down that path for whatever's reason we need to try to install as good a game plan as possible. Mine was to try my very best with my exercise regime and to balance my diet along with cutting out as much sugar as possible.

Well done and I wish you the best.

Thanks so much.

I need to work on the sugar thing. I have been eating quite a bit of it. Time to stop. I had no deserts yesterday, and come to think of it, that could well have had something to do with the cravings.

I have been exercising a lot. In fact, I am heading to the gym in a few minutes.

It's bad. I looked so forward to this long weekend. Now I want to be back at work. What kind of life is that where you are never happy in the moment?

I have a cousin who is 40 years old and unmarried and has complained to me on several occasions that he can't meet any nice girls. To which I replied, then quit trying to meet them at bars! How ludicrous is that? If you want to meet nice girls, you go where they go, and I promise they aren't the ones trying to "hook-up" at closing time. Try Sunday School!

Same thing. If you want to meet non-drinkers, you go where they go. Whether its AA or church or any public hangout where they don't serve alcohol. If you don't want to be alone, and I know it sucks, you may have to get outside of your comfort zone. But at least you won't have to do this by yourself. I think that is the worst thing any of us could do.

My $.02.

Congrats on 48 days sober! :scoregood Keep it up! :)

I don't really think it is fair to try to embark on a relationship at this point in my life and recovery. Right now I just want a friend.

I didn't mean it that way. Sorry. Just talking about people who can and would be supportive of you.

I think we have to change more than just our drinking habits.

It's cool. I know, and I am trying. Believe me.

I am a very introverted person. I am working on that. Drying out intensifies the feelings of awkwardness. I am in transition. I hope by Fall I will be in a much better place. I love the cool weather and strongly dislike the heat. It does not help that I have bad seasonal allergies and I cannot really go out and do things in the spring.

Things will keep getting better. I also feel a lot of anxiety about meeting new people and finding friends during this new part of the journey. 48 days is a great accomplishment in terms of abstinence, but not very long in the grand scheme of life. Just hang in there and don't feel like everything needs to come together all at once. You're setting yourself up to be in the right state of mind when opportunities for friendship and love do come into your life.

You talk to your ex, who has remarried, on a daily basis? And you still love her? I'm sorry, but that is wrong on several levels. I can't believe her current spouse would tolerate such behavior. As hard as it may sound, you need to move on. While she may still provide you with support, the fact that you still love her is pulling you down. You are hoping that she will come back and it doesn't sound like she shares that feeling. Been there. It's a beeaatch.

To me, keeping in touch with your ex is the equivalent to keeping a bottle of booze locked in a cage on the counter after you have quit drinking.

I gotta disagree with you about that. Her spouse is a good guy and does not mind. She share a lot and I consider still being friends with her a healthy thing. We share a daughter and discuss her constantly.

Oh, and I have no hope that she will ever come back. Not happening. Period. I know that in my gut.

Yeah, everyone said I was crazy when I sent her and her new guy a wedding present.

I appreciate still having my ex as part of my life, even if we are on opposite sides of the country. I might well have gotten drunk last night if it were not for her support.

Have you considering volunteering? You can google "volunteer opportunities in Hampton, VA" and see what's out there. It's a great way to make good use of your spare time and a great way to meet other people.

Yes, I have considered it. I need to look further into the details. Right now might not be a great time to start, though. I probably need another month or so to get my head straight.