Mentium

Two weeks yesterday up the spout! I seem to keep hitting a barrier where the desire to drink overwhelms the defenses I have tried to build against it. It happened after three months late last year, again in Feb/March and then for the last two nights. Not a bender or anything remotely like it - about 1/3 of a bottle of vodka late in the evening.

I really really want to stop drinking for good. I honestly believe the guys at AA who say that life just gets better the longer you are sober, especially when the initial addiction and its after-effects are out of the way. But it seems when I have dried out the craving - it isn't even that so much as a decision to drink just trumps everything else!

I am not drinking tonight and I am going back to my recovery plan - that's a start I guess. But HELP! Any suggestions how to beat this damn thing!?

FreeOwl

1/3 bottle of Vodka is a fair amount of booze by 'normal people' standards.

suggestions for beating this thing; take a look at what you've tried and why you've slipped - try to do things differently this time around....

are you actively working a program or just trying to 'not drink'?

Dee74

I believe that

I don't know what you're doing for your recovery plan lately or what changes you've made in your life, how much balance that life has, or how you deal with things...but it seems you need to do more, man.

Do you have any ideas?

D

ps and FreeOwls right - you really need to stop minimising and rationalising I think.
1/3 of a bottle is drinking - the thing you really really want to stop.

D

phoebe64

Sorry you are struggling Mentium. I do not have the magic advice, as you know I am on day 9 for the umpteenth time. Something just has to change where we do not pick up no matter the internal struggle.

I do think the secret is in getting time, because then new habits and routines are in place and the struggle is not as difficult.

Glad you are here and sharing and choosing to get back on the wagon.

FreeOwl

the secret also seems to be in really having a plan, reaffirming commitment through action, and having gratitude and a focus on the really GOOD parts of sobriety. At least for me.

Mags1

Hi Mentium, pleased you've not stayed away, that's step 1 .

It really does get easier, I was a big big drinker, I think. I would have 3 bottles of wine a night and then some at the weekends. I stopped, it was so tempting to pick up but the urges pass just do one day at a time. If I had to think when I first stopped it was forever I would've caved. Just baby steps, one sure foot in front of the other. It really works.

All the best.

AddictedToVodka

You have to be willing to pick up the phone and call them. You will never be able to do it by yourself. At least I couldn't. I never thought I was making any progress until I started getting involved and not treating meetings like a sentence.

Don't drink today, you always can tomorrow.

Dee74

Welcome to SR addictedtovodka
No offense, but my brain would have loved that back in the day.
I would have probably set the alarm for 5am cos it was a drinking day...

I just don't drink at all - simpler for my head to handle, anyway

D

Mentium

I really don't mean to minimize Dee. I only state the amount as a matter of fact - to indicate it isn't a three day bender or anything like that. I am very disappointed in myself. As to my plan, well it may need revisiting I guess, but I'm not sure what else to do.

Samsonsworld

I think we've all struggled to beat this. Just dust yourself off and try again.

Dee74

Sure, as long as you're not telling yourself 'at least it wasn't a bender'....my brain would have stored that away as a possible negotiation mark for what 'acceptable drinking' might look like next time the idea resurfaced.

I really think we're better off just dealing with 2 concepts: drinking vs not drinking rather than gradations?

If you don't think it applies to you, ok - but do you follow me?

D

Mentium

Indeed I do - and it makes sense.

Dee74

cool - and on that note, I'll bid you good night
Hope you can make the most of your day one Mentium

D

Croissant

Sorry it's hard for you right now, Mentium. I think you took a great step in being transparent about it here.

It took a long time for me to "get" that I had to really examine the triggers, my emotions, how life affects me, that made me go into autopilot and pick up.

MIRecovery

What are you doing on a daily basis to stay sober. Even today I have a plan I work to maintain sobriety. For me this includes prayer, meditation, SR, AA, planning things I enjoy, talking to my sponsor, being active, and not isolating to name a few.

Sobriety for me is a series of conscious actions. If I relied on will power alone I would have drank years ago

Johnston

Keep sharing on the forums and going to meetings.

afloatsober

Mentium
Great to see you back.
What is your daily routine for maintaining your sobriety?
Not trying to be smart here, just wondering if there may be some things that might be added to strengthen your plan and bolster your sobriety.
G

least

I hope this can be your last day one.

Flying4Life

Focus on sobriety. I have had to place it as my top priority these past 8+ months. I want to be sober no matter what. I want to be the kind of person who feels and accepts her feelings and life experiences rather than one who tries desperately to drown herself in a pool of poison in order to cope with life. Don't accept anything less, you only get one life.

Glad you are back, you can do this, we're here for you!

Mentium

Thanks for the responses. Tpo those who have asked about my plan it is as follows:

To attend 4 AA meetings a week (that's all there are locally)
To post here regularly
To socialize/meet with sober people out of AA meetings.
To read recovery literature
To go for a bicycle ride most days

I pretty much stick to it, though I skip the bike ride every two or three days. However my partner is away for three days at the moment and my dad has been in hospital for five days pretty seriously (though not dangerously) ill. My routine has not been what it normally is. I'm not sure if the overwhelming urge arose because of the change in routine - possibly, though I doubt it.

What I didn't do and should I think the moment my mind starts to think about the possibility of drinking is phone an AA mate. I have a few phone numbers.