FreeOwl

^seems legit.

you can do it!

LadyBlue0527

Out of all of the words I've written on this board, ways to fight urges, how I dealt with situations, etc etc etc it really does truly come down to one thing.

I had to make the decision unconditional and I had to do whatever it took no matter how loud the AV screamed. If it meant putting myself in a position where there was no way that I could drink that's what I did. It's easy to say that and even harder to do. There were times where I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, times when I was angry, even times that I cried. I wanted to tear my hair out and pull out my eyeballs. It's a horrific feeling.

It took me about 3 or 4 times of getting through hellacious cravings to realize that as long as I kept doing that then that's all that I needed to do. The longer I went the easier it got.

There can be absolutely no condition, no excuse, nada. It's the only way I was able to do it.

MIRecovery

Have you considered getting a sponsor?

Tamerua

Get an AA posse together... And when you get that feeling again, call that posse. You can do this.

Jill23

I am in very early sobriety. I feel like I am in a wrestling match with my brain sometimes, to the point where I actually grunt and groan out loud until the craving passes. And it always does, it may take 30 seconds to a couple of minutes but it always passes. In the meantime, I try to distract myself, usually with cleaning. Sometimes I just walk around the house and breath really deeply, then I jump on here just to read (its a good distraction. I am in AA, but still very new in the program. So, I just white knuckle it because the alternative sucks so bad. My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. All the best to you, Mentium. Good on you for coming right back, I'm rooting for you

Mentium

Went to AA tonight and listened hard. I have come to a conclusion I don't quite think had sunk in. I want to quit drinking and never actually want to drink. It is as if the desire to drink is somehow a failure in me to follow all the 'training' I have given myself. As if the fact at at times I actually want to swallow that poison is a failure in itself.

I think I have been laboring under the belief that to do this properly means I will no longer desire to drink rather than I will need to learn to battle that desire.

This might seem a bit basic and I'm not quite sure I have explained it coherently. Thanks to all, but a nod to Tamerua!

I was subdued tonight, but a posse is clearly the answer. I feel pretty dumb.

GwenCummings

I think you can do this Mentium. You will find a way. X

anewpage

You can do it Mentium. We're all here for you too.

afloatsober

Mentium
If you are giving AA a try, please try getting a sponsor and working the steps with that sponsor. That is core of recovery in AA.
The meetings for me are about fellowship and identification. They alone will not keep me contentedly sober.
And I want contented sobriety. I have ridden the white knuckle ride for long enough and it was nearly as horrible as drinking!!!!
G
p.s if you have already started (or finished) doing the steps with sponsors support and putting them into action then i stand corrected.
G

bemyself

Hi Mentium - sorry for being a bit slow getting to this thread, but I'd only twigged you'd busted from your most recent one.

I just want to say that I SOOO get it, when you spoke about sort of feeling like you'd failed simply because of having the urge / craving to drink...even if you didn't actually pick up. I truly understand that. It is really wacky, isn't it?!

Dunno about you, but for me, it might stem from when I've had major cravings, and literally given in to them...despite all that I 'knew' about what to do for them to pass. One option is, as others have mentioned: that hundred pound gorilla called the phone :-)

Even now that I have a new sponsor, after returning from serious relapses (needing rehabs etc), I STILL don't call her if I feel ansty or feel a trigger moment - which I did only today. And I don't call anyone else either.

You and I can both work on that one, eh?

All the very best to you
Vic

coming_clean

Ive tried to fight cravings for many many years.
Always to loose sooner or later.

When i started surrendering to them i made real progress.
I mean by this accepting life sucks once in a while.
There is no true escape from suffering, illness, death, pain.
One has just gotta suck it up and move on.
Man the f. up.

This sounds really depressing but by accepting suffering in life I can also accept true joy, happiness and inner peace.