Woke up at 4:00 AM...
 

Well, I've wasted another weekend. I had plans to enjoy this long weekend, but in the end I stuck to what I know. Drink, recover...repeat! I woke up early this morning and after staring at the ceiling for a little while I decided to get up. I haven't posted on SR or spent any real time here since my last attempt at sobriety, however many weeks ago that was. So, as the house slept I logged in and began reading...

I'm tired of living like this. I've wasted so much time. It is time to give life another try. History would indicate that this is an exercise in futility, but I know that I can't go into this with a defeatist attitude. I have to believe that I can do this. Many of you have been successful, so I know it can be done.

The birds are singing outside the window this morning announcing a new day. They sound like they are celebrating a fresh start! I think I will join them.

Welcome back :)

To have change, you need to make change Dirk.
What do you think you can you do differently this time? :dunno:

D

Ahhh...4am. Alcoholic dawn. A time of deep thought and reflection. I've been where you are and I'm thankful I never have to go back. 4am would come and I'd have a moment of clarity and then....by 8am the hangover was in full force and I was miserable again. So by 9 it was time for a drink to feel better. Ugh.

Congrats to you for choosing to quit drinking for good and best of luck. You never have to wake up at 4am again unless you have to or want to!!

hello dirk, all I can say is that you have to want it more than you don't. I know that sounds so cliche, but in reality that's all it is. how bad do you want to stop this miserable existence?

You can do it.

I used to think I had countless attempts at quitting. And I did, quitting drinking. But what I didn't try was recovery, I didn't attempt to learn to live sober. Until my last go at it. My mindset, about my problem and about the solution, changed. And now, I'm blessed with sobriety.

Jump right back in Dirk, you will be glad you did. Let today be your beginning :)

Mine was usually 3 am. A true sign of my problem.

I guess I don't really have a plan. Kind of like all the times before. You bring up a good point Dee. For now I'm just not going to drink while I think about the rest. The best success I've had included spending time on SR and actively identifying my AV when it tried to push it's way into my mind and escorting it out.

Is anyone willing to share a plan so that I can get an idea of what it looks like?

I'd suggest reading up as much as you possibly can. The 12 step and secular sections on here are a good place to start.

For the next three months at least I will avoid any business trips, weddings, reunions, etc If I offend anyone then I'Il make it up to them when I'm recovered. I'm not going to spend days or weeks fretting about an excuse, or worrying about how I'll cope when I'm there. I just won't go, and that's that! This will be a key part of my plan.

All the best. :)

Replace drinking time with active time--plan activities, hobbies, long-deferred tasks, etc. so that you have "something to do" instead of drink.

I started blending herbal teas, took up playing guitar, joined Crossfit, for example.

I also actively kept a journal about my triggers / how I was feeling so I could see the AV coming and proactively react.

Excellent nutrition, vitamins, milk thistle for liver, green smoothies, lots of hot showers, plenty of water, extra sleep, time walking in Nature.

This is a partial list. Life gets very full when you empty out the bottle.
Keep trying and you will succeed. :)

Dirk, those were almost my exact words one year ago tomorrow morning.

Take the words "I know that" and "have to" out of the equation and make it

I can't go into this with a defeatist attitude.

and

I believe I can do this.

.......because you can. Make your decision unconditional.

Next year on or around this day you'll be helping someone get there too.

This CAN be done dirk, and I can't even begin to describe how good it feels. It's worth every bit if fight you have in you to find out for yourself.

Hi and welcome back to SR, I'm so glad you have decided to give sobriety another shot, it really is worth the effort and you obviously want this or you simply would not be here.

There are many people who may say you have to change your approach to life generally and make subtle changes to daily routines and diet, exercise etc, these are very valid points of course and well worth contemplation.

I also had to ask myself the reason why I drank the way I did back then? And I came up with a combination of unhappiness at work and general depression, and for those reasons I changed my approach to various aspects if my life which has brought a degree of success allowing me to abstain from use.

Take care my friend.

I think the basics of any good plan are finding the right level of support for you and using it...and being prepared to make whatever changes necessary to stay sober.

It may mean lifestyle changes - changing people places and things - or it might also need to include finding new solutions to the problems or situations where you always turned to booze to "get you through"

D

Welcome back, Dirk :wave:

Dirk, There's no doubt you can do this. I drank all my life & never imagined I could live without it - but I have been for years.

The last day I drank I felt just like you did this morning. Fed up with myself, exhausted from all the ups & downs, longing to live life fully - and not in a fog. Being here with people who really understood made it possible. I hope you'll keep posting - we're with you.

You could go to AA and join the millions of people doing that? Might be a good start?

The morning of day 3. Yesterday was a pretty good day. Not much in the way of an AV. A couple of very brief moments when I thought about alcohol but I didn't really feel like I was "craving." I came home and after dinner I decided to just read. I took a Unisom and 3 Ibuprofen before bed and slept pretty good. I did experience a "fuzzy face" feeling all afternoon and evening. Like I had hair or fuzz on my face that I kept brushing a way. It was mostly around my nose and cheeks.

Last night I dreamt that I was in a remote area for work. Canada was my impression. Someone else was driving us to the jobsite and the road in was steep, windy and ice patched. Once there, the main feature was a raging river that ran through the middle of the encampment. I recall the focus of the dream was me watching the river and not wanting to get too close, but others were jumping in and wading and swimming about. Mostly of Indian ethnicity. Not PC so I guess Native Canadian. I know that I was preparing to leave and go back by myself. I wasn't sure of the direction and was concerned about getting lost along the way.

Dreams of flooding or raging rivers and the fear of being lost is a pretty common theme for me. I wonder what it means?

Anyway, day 3 is often a day that I feed the beast. Not today! Not today! I always like the sober morning best.

sounds like a very good dream, you are being cautious even in your sleep.
the fuzzy face - just wipe it off ;)

keep it going.

Wonder if that river was made of alcohol and not water? Congrats on 2 days and here's to another one. Like you, I'm not really sure what my "plan" is ... not getting complacent about it is going to be key. Spending time here and at AA meetings ... and staying away from alcohol at all costs. That is my short-term plan, hopefully the long-term one will become clearer in my mind over time.

Day 4 - More vivid dreaming. I dreamt I was on vacation, in jail, and losing me teeth all in one night! LOL I didn't need to take any over the counters for sleeping and slept OK. Still sweating through both of my pillows. The fuzzy face feeling is going away as well.

I didn't have to struggle with the AV too much. I spent a little time off and one talking to myself. Mostly repeating phrases like, "I don't drink. I'm not every going to put that poison in my body again." Stuff like that.

I think my short term plan (two weeks out) is to just focus on keeping my mind occupied. Do my daily routine of chores and kind of veg. I'm not planning on trying to shake things up too much. I'm going to set aside 30 minutes a day for prayer (meditation); I do a kind of hybrid. Any exercise will be walking. During this first two weeks as I detox and start my recovery I'll be planning phase 2. Developing a 30 day, 90 day & 1 year plan. Phase two is where I'm going to start setting the goals that will get to that best day. I define the "best day" as that day, had I travelled my path and been true to my destiny, would be my routine or normal day. A day filled with passion for what I am doing, and a deep contentment with who I am and where I'm at!

Well time to go to work. Keep at it everyone and my best to you on your personal journey!