lulu70

Hello all. My name is Laura and today I have 135 twenty-four hours clean and sober. About 4 weeks ago I started working on my fourth step, thought I was finished, met with my sponsor to do the fifth, and we decided I needed to go back and work on the third again. Now I am back to the fourth, and I am struggling again. I know many people do not make it through their fourth step, and I do not want to be one of those people. I am tired of the emotional and spiritual bankruptcy that comes with my drinking and drugging. I have done everything my sponsor has asked me to: pray everyday and before I work on the step, be honest with myself and her, work for progress, not perfection, and still I keep having this mental block. I wonder if it is my perfectionism that is keeping me from finishing it. I don't know how to know if it is finished. I don't know how to be satisfied that it is good enough. I am looking for some experience, strength, and hope to help me through this difficult stage in my recovery.

Thank you all-
Laura

bikewench

Laura...

I can only share my ESH.. but.. I've done 5 4th steps...

Each one was around a major issue.

Now.. I know everyone isn't the same as me.. but I think that my HP reveals to me what needs to be taken care of... and then lets me take a deep breath and process what just happened before it hits me with more stuff to process.

If your coming up against a block.. maybe you just need to sit for a bit and work on drawing strength from your spiritual connection.

*edit*

It's my belief that one needs to learn to trust their HP and the intuition that connection provides. You might surprise yourself.

Dan

Hi Laura, and welcome ro SoberRecovery. I'm a recovering addict, and alcohol was perhaps my drug of choice the last ten years I was active. You mention perfectionism, and as you well know, it's one of the character defects or shortcomings we are asked to address in our program. I had some troubles doing the fourth. I think many of us approach it and view it as s step that can somehow start giving us a form of closure on our past behaviors. I remember my sponsor telling me that in a way, the Fourth Step is really never completed, as we learn in the tenth to continue taking inventory. When I finally felt that I had listed all of my shortcomings, all of my erratic and sometimes cruminal behaviors, and also all of the things that I felt were good about me, I went to my sponsor and he asked me only one question.
Have you been honest about everything?
I answered yes. I went on to do my Fifth with a different sponsor. But had it not been for my former sponsor's insistence that I revisit the first three steps, I'd still be knocking around the fourth in my head I'm sure.
I'm sure you will somehow feel it when you are satisfied that you have been rigourously and completely honest.
Again. Welcome Laura

namommy

Laura,

Hi, I am an addict called Laurie. I have found that God reveals to us what needs to be revealed when we are ready and capable of handling it. In my experience with the fourth step when I was stuck it was out of fear and I was told that I don't have to be afraid of the 4th step. The actions are already done, It's just a matter of documenting them. Yes, we will have feelings come up about the situations, but feelings can't hurt us. We need to feel things in order to grow. The basic text tells us that there is no right or wrong way to do a 4th step. If for some reason you miss something this time around, you can address it on your next 4th step. That's one of the reasons we keep going through the steps.

Chy

It just means that HP is not ready for you to do it.. it takes time, allow yourself that luxury. It will get done when it's supposed to. Be patient with yourself, you've got the rest of your life to do these steps... *hugs*

MootPoint

Hi Lulu, can't read your text....... bad eyes and small monitor. But from the replies I'd like to say this.... take it in your own time. The steps weren't meant to be rushed.

lizzy81001

hey lulu.
i agree with everyone. KEEP praying. you might not get an answer for a while, but your persistance also makes you a stronger person. Could be what God is using this for right now. Building up your persistance and desire to come to Him for an answer. Ask and you shall recieve. He will give you what you need. May not be today, but He doesn't leave anyone out of his grace. Keep praying. it will happen and you will complete that 4th step.
Audra

1Marty

Hi Laura, I just went through my 4th step. I too struggled at times to get stuff down. I just started out with prayer, and started writing. I just tried to be honest with myself, and write thoughts down "cold" as they came to mind. My sponser told me not to get too cought up in how long or short the writing is, just as long as it is as through and honest as possible. If somthing get missed, don't worry. You can bring that up with your sponsor later. Best of luck with your stepwork!

lulu70

Thaks everyone. (I think I will leave the font alone on this message.) I really appreciate your input. I know a lot of problem is just being too hard on myself and not trusting God. I have been feeling much better these past couple of days, largely because I have decided that God will help me get through this if I allow it. Keep posting messages for me, please. It is good to know I am not alone in my struggles. Hopefully I can be some help to others as well.

I am so glad I found this site!

bikewench

No sweetie... your not alone.

And the Big Guy will always be there for you as well....

You have a great day Laura... and stay connected okay? Lots of good things here.

lulu70

Thanks alot, Bikerbabe. I will definitely stay connected.

MootPoint

Yaaaaaaaaaay! Good for you!

Keep posting and reading here and keep praying!

You are definitely not alone!

bikewench

Yee Haw.. just for today....

1Marty

Well put!! That is right on.!

lizzy81001

:wink2:
aside from all the support here, what amazes me the most is how everyone turns to God. i love that. i was really worried that i wouldn't be able to talk about my relationship and trust in the Lord and i realized everyone here is depending on him like I do. Keep praying. everyday LULU. tranquility will come. an answer is immenent. you are doing all you are supposed to be doing to make it thru. So is He. we are all here and rooting for you! :wink2:
Audra

lulu70

I know I have to let go and let God, but it's not always easy to do. I am also guilty, as many of us are, of turning it all over, but then taking it back. I am glad I found this site so I can use it as a reminder of what I need to do. If we all stick together, we can do it!!

Also, I am going back to work on my fourth step this weekend. If it is God's will, I will also finish it this weekend. Wish me luck!!!

1Marty

Go for it Lulu, a new freedom awaits you!!

lulu70

I am finally sitting down to work. I decided I was making it way too complicated. I kept thinking I needed instructions, forgetting that the instructions are right there, in the Big Book and the 12 x 12. I am going to go back over what I have already done, add anything I think I might have missed, and then pray for God to let me know if I have been as thorough and honest as I could. Maybe I will be able to meet with my sponsor tomorrow and do my Fifth. Who knows? (God does.... ) Wish me luck, I will let you all know how it goes!

1Marty

Good Luck to you Laura!

lulu70

Just posting to pull this up for Lin--hope it helps!