hardhearts

So I'm not on Step 4/5 yet, but I had a really big trauma from my past come back up today and I called my sponsor very upset and she was patient as always; asked if I wanted to tell her what happened, so I did. This incident in particular was the main reason I drank for so long, so I knew if I kept everything to myself, I was gonna go back out and drink or something even worse. And I just kept apologizing and I feel like a huge burden and that she probably regrets agreeing to sponsor me because I call too much or I'm upset too much or my stuff is too heavy or whatever. I am always overthinking everything so I wanted to get it out because people here seem to be more rational than I usually am about things that go on in my brain. My best thinking got me in trouble, so...

lovesymphony

You're not less rational than people on this board. Your desire to drink clouded your good judgment sometimes...I like your quote at the bottom. A solid reason not to drink and the only one necessary. Alcoholics should never drink.

least

Sounds like you have a good sponsor.

Dee74

Don't put yourself down - you're not a burden.
Your sponsor is there to help.

Sounds like she's a good one hardhearts

Hope you can work through this past event and find some closure

D

biminiblue

It's good that you reached out to your sponsor, that's the best thing you could have done.

She was probably happy to help.

Hang in there, it will be okay.

Anna

It sounds like you're reaching out when you need to and that's really good.

hardhearts

Thanks, y'all. I didn't mean my thinking was less rational, but that it is harder to think objectively about myself and my actions and thoughts than it is sometimes to look at other people's situations.

She really is a wonderful sponsor. I am very lucky. I've just been conditioned my whole life to shut up and pull myself up by my bootstraps or whatever so I am not used to asking for help, nor to having people who actually care to help me just because they know I am hurting.

I've done a lot of prayer. Am still unsettled about everything, but a little less so. Grateful for all the replies and support.

thekl0wn

A little secret about sponsorship: You kept your sponsor sober today. NEVER apologize for that!

Having an honest relationship with your sponsor is the only way to effectively walk the steps. While I feel I have an open and honest relationship with my sponsor, over the past year I've seen guys who don't... and they struggle.

You did the right thing.